08 October 2008

Confession About Doo-Doo.

Yes, I'm richly dwelling in the land of God's grace; however, I find that when we make lifestyle choices that aren't the best, the "doo-doo" follows you around forever.

You know, David made that little mistake with Bathsheba (D'oh!), and it kinda wrecked a lot of lives. Just one little indiscretion leads to another and another, and before you know it, then you're *really* sinning. You know, one of the BIG sins that gets people printed up in tabloids. "Who Secretly Gossips," I suppose, isn't even worthy of comment, but "Closeted Celebrities Livin' the Gay Lifestyle" does. We have this sort of *range* of acceptable sins, you see.

It's all pretty black when you get down to it, though. We shouldn't enable each other and encourage sin, disrespect or other vices. I'm guilty of this often, so I'm speaking with some conviction here.

And...

You know...

I'm not going to say that my sin is the worst in the world, but I'm going to tell you this in all seriousness: DON'T buy Captain Underpants for your children. Not only is it, like, really bad "liturachur," but it will influence your children to say things you never thought possible. They will discuss talking toilets and poop. And they'll do it while you're on the phone with the nice public school science teacher who has called to discuss an older child's classroom behaviour.

Oh, yeah. We done gots ourselfs some klass.

I bought these stupid books about seven years ago at a Scholastic book fair. I was still drinking the public school kool-aid pretty heavily and went to spend a few hundred bucks in "support" of our local PTA. What was I thinking? To this day, I couldn't tell you. The series probably cost me $30 and would have paid for an entire team of missionaries to completely evangelize Antarctica. Or at least one of them could have bought a Frosty while he was on furlough here in the States. Whatever.

And why is it that my older, public-schooled children don't have a problem saying "doo-doo" and other assorted "almost really bad" words? They also do not discuss toilets and bad principals even though they must have heard such language at ages 13 and 15. I'm sure on a day to day basis, my older children are exposed to this and MUCH WORSE at Belteshazzar's Public School of Evolution and Other Magick. I mean, the bus ride alone must contain about five volumes of the "bad words" such as those contained in these "novels." Words that rhyme with truck are bandied about as adverbs, adjectives, verbs AND NOUNS, all within the same sentence. Grammar.

Do you think public school innoculates children against saying such shocking things at home? I'm not sure. I remember, despite myself, laughing at Patrick and G when they would sing the "OOops, I did it again, I pooped on the floor and I peed in my pants" song when they were about this age. It was just so goofy! Where do they get that stuff from? And the "Scooby Doo Pooped in a Shoe" song is a classic! Surely the authors of this stuff are about three feet tall, and yet they're able to write the songs that make the whole elementary sing... they write the songs of poop and iiiiicky things... (for you Barry Manilow fans. Are you reading, MOM!?? Because you never comment!)

Can I share with you honestly? I have taken these books away about three times, and given them back when I thought Elf and Emperor were "mature" enough to handle it. Now I think I shall have to ask D to throw them away completely. In the past, I was foolish to think that since we spent money on the stuff, that we ought to hang on to it because it was wasteful to throw it away. Now I'm hoping D will just pitch the stuff or give it away.

I'm also secretly concerned that my children will discuss Mr. Krupp and poop at church tonight. The teachers (some of whom have been public school teachers) will be shocked and amazed and think, well, that's just homeschoolers and their lack of socialization for you, because *my students* would never say any such thing. During class, anyway. They're socialized better and discuss this only during recess...

Oh, I'm cringing already.

But

Here's what I'm thinking. I really need to let God deal with this in Emperor and Elf's life. Sure, I'm planning on pitching the books. But Mom is going to make a mistake later. Probably several. Maybe even really bad ones. How should we, in Christ, be speaking? In the end it's not about embarrassing Mom at church. It's about pleasing God.

OK, that sounds sappy but I really mean it. I feel badly that I have made this mistake, but I also acknowledge that it sure won't be my last unless God strikes me de

*poof*

LOL

5 comments:

  1. If that's your biggest mistake as a parent, you're doing pretty well. :-)

    I've done some heinous things as a parent; things my kids (especially my daughter) LOVE to remind me of; things that happened years ago. Isn't she nice?!

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  2. Oh... I sure didn't mean to imply this was one of the big-bad things I've done as a parent. The really awful ones don't make it to the blog.

    And horribly enough, even my worst fears about my childrens' behaviour at church tonight were more than realized. Elf had to go home after continually throwing shoes. (cringe)

    I know that SOME of that behaviour is caused by his autism and SOME of it is just him not behaving himself. So he got into some trouble at home and he is very sad.

    He says he doesn't think he can handle himself in church without his mom ever again. I feel like I can't go ever again.

    I think eventually it will be ok. We focus entirely too much on ourselves and how we appear. Really, everyone likely thinks we're yokel hicks anyway (I would, anyway, so I guess what other people think), so we ought to just let it go and work on our relationship with God yk?

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  3. "Belteshazzar's Public School of Evolution and Other Magick" [smile]

    That's funny stuff.

    Hang in there!

    ~Luke

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  4. It must be something in the air.....I hear poop and butt in every other sentance along with a overly loud creepy laugh from my....YES....GIRLS!

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