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Everyone wants to know about what happened with Emperor's poop saga. So I'll tell you.

I decided that I really didn't want to hand-sort the poop if I could help it, but I didn't want to just flush the poo if it had a tooth in it. I decided to call the doctor when the office opened on Monday, 9 a.m.

Woodjie's OT therapist arrived at 8 a.m. At 8:15, Emperor announced he would be pooping upstairs in his ice cream bucket. He came downstairs with NO PANTS ON. Worse, he was SWINGING the bucket full of poo! I grabbed this and dashed out into the rain and plunked it by a bush. I had hoped to make it as far as the backyard, but it was terribly muddy and I was afraid of falling (with poo. And the therapist in the house seeing me muddy. With poo.)

Bleck. Back into the house to rinse the bucket. Pffffeeeew, does big-kid poo smell.. It was bad. Emperor put his clothes back on but... *sniff*

Did you wash your hands? Well, just go do it again.

Later... *sniff* Go change your shirt.

Later... *sniff* Did you *sniff* wipe your bottom? You didn't?


Later... *sniff* Go change your underwear.

Later... *sniff* Your shorts need changing too.

Finally... *sniff* Ok.

The therapist musta thought I was a nut. Emperor announces to her that he doesn't like being sniffed all over like a dog all the time, and D asks me later why I didn't just make the kid have a bath. Two reasons: splashing and the Emperor nakedness-all-over-the-house factor.

So, yesterday morning I was washing my hands and face and wiping on a towel... *sniff*


I had to wash my hands and face about three times after that, thanks. The towel had a visible poop smear!! If this stuff happens in MY house, I can't imagine what it's like in the public restrooms sometimes.

But wait! There's more.

I've decided that I haven't posted enough stuff to get myself labelled as officially White Trash. Do you remember the poop on the side of my house I wrote about? Well, we decided that we'd observe the poop over the next several months for science. I had visions of the children "visiting Emperor's poop" every day and doing some careful journalling. We'd do a food chain. We'd observe the poo changing colours, see worms... you know.

We went outside to visit the poo and it was almost all gone. There were tiny flies swarming all over it. So where did the poop go? It wasn't moved, and there were still some little kernels there. No tooth, though.

By the by, the doctor's office said not to worry about the poop-smashing thing. So we did all that for nothing.

Update: Money-saving idea by Elf here. He's a comment nut, too, so be sure to tell him what you think!


  1. I've raised, still am raising, 8 kids.. there is NOTHING you can tell me about poop I don't already know mate!

  2. I gross myself out on our poop stories so I just can't handle it long enough to write about. I wouldn't worry. Anyone with kids who is honest has got horror poop stories to tell.

  3. You are so funny and refreshing--yes, even when talking about poop. What's funny to me is how when you have kids most of what you talk about during the first two years is poop and puke. My friends without kids don't get it. I should refer them to you, because I think you officially talk about poop more than I do. Love it!

  4. I was a nurse and am a mum of three....poop was created to make us mothers giggle ;)

  5. I'm assuming that it's OK to laugh at (I mean with) this story, because I couldn't not laugh. I knew I was a real parent years ago when I was trading poop stories with a friend who also had young children.

  6. Okay Im kinda past the poop stage with my kids and Im easily grossed out now by poop. If this wasnt so darn funny I wouldnt have sat here reading the entire thing and getting grossed out the whole way!You're hilarious!


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