03 August 2009

Out With Elf and Emperor.

Who's this "Michael Jackson" guy on the magazine? I asked Elf and Emperor one day at Wal-Mart.

"I dunno," Elf said, disinterested.

"Ok, how about this lady?" I asked, pointing to Oprah.

"Why are you asking us this?" Emperor wanted to know. "I've never met her before. How am I supposed to know who she is?"

"O-kay. Probably just as well. But who is THIS?"

"That's Paris Hilton."

"You KNEW that?" Guess the youth marketing culture has gotten to him, after all.

"Yes. See? It says so here. I can read, you know."

I'm aware that my children are pretty culture-clueless. I picked some secular Evan-Moor stuff and a Spectrum vocabulary book for Elf and Emperor to use this year to help in that regard for English class. They have to be coached through these assignments. There are questions such as, how are Baby Ruth, Milky Way and Almond Joy similar?

"They are all Proper Nouns," was written neatly on the line.

Why do I have to explain that Elmer's glue has nothing to do with cartoons? Aren't children supposed to be born "just knowing" these things?I'm telling you, we do get out sometimes. But when we're in a restaurant and Emperor asks who "Bud-way-zur" is, and I explain that it's a beer, I shouldn't see Elf pulling on his imaginary beard and thinking about ordering one so he can see what it looks like on him. Then the *GASP* and look of shock and HORROR that they serve ALCOHOL AT A RESTAURANT!!! Sigh. I halfway wonder if I should just not tell them these things until we get to the car and are on our way home. But then I wonder why the kid is thinking they serve "beards" in a restaurant.

I could almost count it as a class if I were to take these boys outside and explain things like, the grass can also be called the lawn and "the front yard." Pebbles and gravel are kind of the same thing, and please don't demand a half hour explanation about howcome.

The person on line in front of you talking of someone "living in Boulder" does NOT mean it like you think she does. And she didn't want to hear about Fred Flintstone and that thing Dino did last week on TV. Really. It wasn't related.

And maybe it isn't a good idea to tell the nice lady trying to help you find a fun book that you don't appreciate the "baby" books, and then rattle on that you have already read Dracula and don't need the kid's version, you would like the UNabridged version of Oliver Twist and OOOOOH! THEY HAVE TELETUBBIES HERE!!! Yay!

It kinda makes it look like Mom is raising you funny.


  1. I find it very cool that your kids have not been affected thus far by the culture. The culture is rotten.

    And? The fact that they've already read a classic at their ages should be the important thing, not that it was "Dracula," and not that they like Teletubbies. Teletubbies are crazy cool. :) Though it doesn't matter one bit, I hope the librarian got that.

  2. LOL Claire, the Teletubbies are "beastly," according to an older teen residing here. That means they are groovy.

    Oh, and Tinky Winky? He has a "man bag."

  3. I wish Ditz was *culture clueless* but that would be me! You know, some people aim for what you get for free ~ culturally clueless kids, that is. Ditz heard some song on the radio last night about the 80s *when Michael Jackson's skin was black* & was rolling round the car in hysterics. The child wasn't even born back then.

  4. I'm not sure what to think of MJ and his skin. I wouldn't think much of his skin being "bleached" if he had a true medical condition, but the nose? The makeup?

    Not to mention the weirdness and the lifestyle. But then I think you know, imagine if I were that interesting that everyone wants to know all about me! LOL

    Size 22 is hot
    she doesn't dye her hair
    "Steal this look" = roll out of bed and put on sweatpants.

    Yeah, the magazines would just have to print the same three articles over and over.

  5. Quote "I've never met her before. How am I supposed to know who she is?" Unquote.

    Love the logic. The sort of stuff that is said around here.

    However, with Miss almost 20, the children here know stuff I wish they didn't.

  6. Well, Nikki, Patrick said he "knows" that condoms are the "ketchup and mustard packets you get at McDonald's" once.


    So I can assure you it isn't a homeschool thing if my ps kids are almost equally ditsy. Don't we wish sometimes, though? (I mean that in a nice way. But he had to learn the truth, which was no fun for him because Dad had to sit down and explaiiiin it.)

  7. i love it! i hope my kids are as clueless! they'd treat movie stars just like other people they don't know. i bet they make you crack up daily!

  8. So sorry to hear that Paris Hilton made it over the wall, as it were. Much better to believe Paris Hilton is a hotel in France....

  9. LOL Mrs. K, your children are the sweetest probably to everyone.

    LOL Claus, I'm pretty sure that the boys don't even equate "Hilton" with "hotel." :]


Non-troll comments always welcome! :)