They used a longer paddle to swack me back in the day than they do on these young hoods today! And they did it in front of the whole class because that's an effective deterrent! Yuk, yuk. That's really funny. And it learned me good, too. So that's what we should do to these ruffians in Mississippi schools. Just swack 'em good. Happened to tens of thousands of kids in the state last year alone!
(I'm sure Mississippi will score very well on all standardized tests next year, because they done knocked some sense into these young'uns. You just wait and see if I'm not right.)
See, because the alternative to swacking them takes too much time out of our school day, and when we send kids HOME for Mom and Dad to deal with, we don't get state funding for those hours. That's more important than whether the kid learns anything or is treated with respect. We're busy. We don't want to take a little extra time and go over what the problem is and maybe think of an effective deterrent for next time. We don't want to change the environment at all or ask the child how we can help him stay in control. That's too touchy-feely and modern and stuff.
Oh! And by the way, I just want to reiterate that only professionals can swat kids with paddles. They're certified and all, so don't you try this at home. You pull that and CPS will take your kids away faster than you can say Jack Robinson. They think it's abuse; shame on 'em. But don't worry. Once you drop your kids off at school, we'll be sure to help them out with a good paddling or two when they step out of line. Don't trouble yourself with permission forms, because we don't need 'em.
In other news, I think those homeschoolers ought to be watched more closely. Some of them abuse their kids. Thanks for listening, y'all.