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Paddling at the Workplace

Just because an idea is old doesn't mean it isn't a goodie. Paddling people who are disrespectful or belligerent during work hours should get 'em a swack, just like in the old days.

Made-up person James Millington had a lot of trouble keeping order at the workplace until he got a wooden paddle and swacked his disrespectful employees hard enough to knock some sense into them.

Then he recruited an old lady who was the victim of workplace violence to speak out in favour of his idea. He convinced her to think that if she were able to swack a few workers around with the paddle, that none of the workers would retaliate or act out negatively in other ways.

"Workers these days," she says as her entire old body shakes feebly, "They just don't have the respect for authority they used to and t'aint that a shaame..."

Millington himself is starting a website about what a great idea this is and how psychological theory (somehow) proves his point. He's pitching his idea to the board of directors, and he already has a few onboard.

Ok, seriously... I know children who attend school and adults who work are two different things. I know children need to be taught a lesson every now and then, but I also don't think that this is going to inspire children to grow up to be kind and gentle people. I would say, "What would Jesus do?" but some of my fellow Christian friends seem to think that Jesus would go around with a modified cricket bat like these teachers. How about we think about, "What would Mr. Rogers do?" instead. Honestly, I think Jesus and Mr. Rogers would do the same thing. They'd model humility and servanthood. Children WANT to be loved and appreciated. No, they're not always good. But so, so, SO much of what they become is based on what they see modelled and prayed over them.

And yes, there comes a time to give a child a suspension or to call his parents. But just as the threat of a paddle isn't going to make a worker create a better blueprint on time, it also isn't going to make little Joey sit still in class and pay attention if your lecture is plain old boring and stupid and if he knows you don't truly care for him.

Just saying.


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