‘I lost my friends, my education, my health and almost my life. The only thing I cared about was having my phone with me so I could satisfy the urge to capture a picture of myself at any time of the day.'
Yep. Taking too many selfies means you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) and are very ill. You could, like, be overwhelmed with grief and go try to off yourself if your pictures don't turn out juuuust right. This is a very serious and deadly disease! Eeep! (Article here.)
So these "selfie sickos" need cognitive behavioural therapy and bla bla bla to the tune of billions of dollars (my made-up estimate). My program is way cheaper, folks. You keep paying for internet access and all that, and I just swipe your phone. I always wanted one that would connect to the internetz and take pictures and do that texting thing and so forth. Ok. To be competitive with my psychiatry-practicing colleagues nearby, I will charge a $50 copay for the service. You know. I don't want to undercut my competition, even though my therapeutic program is probably just as effective as anyone else's.
PS Does my butt look fat from this angle? Maybe don't answer that or I'll cry and need like, lots of therapy, too.