13 June 2008

Falling Apart.

I must visit a surgeon next Thursday because my intestines are popping out! It seems that my belly button never became an "innie" after S was born. It hurts. Every now and then I get sharp pains in my gut. I saw the general practitioner and he said it was time to "refer."

I'm kind of scared, mostly because I know the recovery time from surgeries like this can be pretty lengthy, which isn't a problem for most people. Just tell the kids to pick up the laundry basket themselves, or leave everything in the sink 'till Dad comes home and let Dad do the shopping. But I have a 35 pound toddler and a 20 pound infant. They don't change themselves, and are getting active enough to where it would be difficult for my 14-year-old to do it. I do thank God that these problems are coming up during the summer, when I would at least have Patrick at home like I did last year.

It was a miserable summer last year.

I was on bedrest with S, and I had promised the children allll through the month of June that we'd do really fun things in July... but... toward the end of June I was put on strict bedrest. S is worth it! I'm so glad every day that I have her. But it was a tough summer, full of worry over S (well, we thought "he" was Benjamin) and a lot of extra work for D and the children. And me, grumpy and sitting on the couch all day, being no help but wanting to do something. Well, I got an afghan crocheted out of the deal. I almost NEVER have time to sit and crochet. Even though it's a mauve colour, D has claimed it as his own and sleeps with it every night. Of course you could buy an afghan for a couple bucks somewhere, but it's special to have made something useful.

I like to be of use. I've been going over some of my old posts and wondering what kind of person I'd be remembered as if I were to die on the table. Morbid. But necessary. Would you remember me as someone petty and gossiping? Or bringing light into a dark world? I look at my speech and general decorum and see a bit of both. And friends, such things should not be.

I have been doing a bit of housekeeping with God this week. More likely than not, I'll be just fine. But I'm realizing that some spiritual rooms in my mind are getting a bit dusty. I think when God forbade Adam from eating of the tree of life that he may live forever in his sinful state, he did us all a favour. Imagine never having to examine your life and reflecting upon the fact that it is NOT forever. How horrible our long lives would be!

Hug somebody you love today and God bless ya! Really, things are fine, but I figured I'd share some thoughts with you.

5 comments:

  1. Will you be able to have someone come over an hour or two each day? It might help Patrick to have a break.

    Our oldest turns 14 next month. She has been very helpful with the foster kids coming through our house. She asked that she had some time that was totally hers and she wasn't on call.

    Good luck. I hope everything goes well.

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  2. Well, I'm perfectly functional for now. I have an umbilical hernia, which the surgeon might just tell me to take a wait and see approach with,particularly since my kids are so small. But even in the last few weeks it seems to be worsening, so I think it's wise to at least start thinking about the possibilities.

    Patrick attends public school and would go back mid-August. I can appreciate that he's going to need a little time of his own. Of course, six kids in a three-bedroom home means your time alone is still spent with someone else in the room and your concepts of privacy are a little different in a larger family.

    If the surgeon leaves it up to me, I'm torn (ha ha). Best to do it in the summer when I know I'll have extra help, but then again, maybe I should chance it and wait three more years if I can? Then my homeschoolers would be 11 and 10, and the little ones starting on the potty training.

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  3. It's really important to take time to reflect on things. Even if those things are a bit morbid or dreary. Is there any chance of your husband having some time off work, or working flexible hours? It's a really tough situation to bein. Pity health insurance doesn't cover home help when it's required!!

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  4. Wow I hope things go well. I am more scared about being put out and not know what is going on.
    I will pray that you will have friends step foward that will just show up and be a BIG help.



    P.S. I finally updated.

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  5. I think mothers are allowed to fall apart sometimes!

    We do need to reflect and have a good dust at times too.

    Good luck with the surgeon. Big hug from me and C x

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