Of course I'd have to post my last post about teaching children good doctrine and fine manners right before leaving for church on a Sunday. That was downright stupid of me.
I've just got to tell you at this point that I love our children's Sunday School teachers. I'm telling you, they really *try* to help these fellows of mine integrate with everyone else. Every class time, they take small Elf aside and read a "social story" we made from an old Wal-Mart photo book. It is called "How to Act at Church" and details such expectations as "listen to the teacher," complete with Elf and Emperor's illustrations. Aww.
Elf is allowed to pick his own seat and I have (somehow) the distinct impression that they let a few things slide for my kids. As one *ahem* sweet little girl from the congregation remarked once, "Your kids are weird. Especially Elf." Thanks. We can't all be almost perfect like you are, lacking only lessons in "tact" and "kindness."
I was called back not too long after service started by a dear teacher who actually specializes in dealing with kids like this in public school (too bad they have such draconian behaviour strategies for these kids in our district... those are the children we truly "left behind"). I'm thinking she has missed her calling as a PR specialist. I mean, if she worked for the Obama people, Republicans would somehow be loving him within six months because she's a master of positive spin. Here's what she told me:
Elf is "having trouble selecting a seat."
Elf "seems to have difficulty following directions this morning."
"We" are having a "hard time getting Elf settled."
"Others" are becoming distracted.
She would like me to come back and "talk to him."
Ok, here I come. Elfie is furious. He scowls, stomps, AND eyerolls all the way to the vacant classroom across the hall. He does NOT want to be in church today. It isn't right. He shouldn't have to listen to... (redfaced, angry, crying gulp) THOSE people!
I shouldn't have to be here! I am only going to go to church on Sundays and Wednesdays! I REE... FUUUUUSE... to... to... gotochuch on... THURSDAY! GrrrRRRrrrRRRRR! (folding arms)
Lesson to Mom: When Elf asks if it is Wednesday night or Sunday morning on the way to church, do NOT sarcastically answer that it's Thursday, silly goose, and then proceed to drop him off thinking all is well. Don't do that again. Ever.
Sigh. So I have to explain the situation to him, that I was just pretending about it being Thursday, thinking that he would know that it is *so* obviously not. He is angry that I LIED to him.
He re... (*stomp*) FUUUUUUses to go to church. He shouldn't have to go. Can he go home? (Nope. Insert long boring explanation here, with lots of "Mom thinks that..." because... and...)
Can he stay with Mom? (Nope.) Why can't he stay with Mom? (Retell long, boring explanation. Now it's time to go back to class, ok?)
He'll be bad if you send him back to Children's Church, so you'd BETTER take him with you. (Sorry, Mom doesn't negotiate with terrorists. You're going back, or you're staying here until you're ready to go back.)
"Fine. I'll stay here the whole time, and then church will be over." *smug little smile*
I'm thinking that somehow this little guy didn't get his "Happy Elf Homeschool" star for being a good boy in church. What's your guess?