20 July 2009

What I'm Missing Out On

Recently deleted emails. Unopened mystery surprises, discarded with nary a backward glance.

Obama's disappoints gay activists
Obama proclaims gay pride week

(I got these in the same week! Hmm)

PILLS FROM CANADIAN PHARMACY
pills for you

RE: your request
RE: best vacation tips
RE: (well, all kinds of things ... *delete, delete, delete*)

hello
hey there
hot for you p9ssy webcam

Pelosi is at it again
(delete, but wonder if this is a "sex" email or a "politics" email)

America needs us to unite! Please help!
(all this time, I thought this was just a pro-family organization sending these emails out. I had no idea God had called it to save the entire nation! Or that *my* donation is going to make the difference in whether America survives! Ah, well. If America fails somehow and becomes a Chinese Muslim territory with bunches of gay Muslims promoting Rainbow Jihad on every streetcorner, don't look at "what our leaders did." Just remember that Mrs. C deleted that email without looking inside. Now it's just too late. Whoops. My bad.)

Most scary, I found emails in my inbox from my address that I DID NOT SEND. D says it's easy to manipulate the system to get it to do things like that. He is a mainframe programmer. I'm pretty sure he didn't rig the system to send me the "make her scream with plesure" email, or the "pill makes your p*nis gigantic" email that "I" sent to myself, along with the other assorted emails that are a little more boring in the title.

SO.

If you get one of these wiener emails, or emails about "plesure-able" sex, and it looks like it's from me? Sorry to disappoint you. You might want to delete that. You don't want your computer to get all virus-y.

7 comments:

  1. Oh man, I thought you had the secret answer to the question we have all been asking. I guess I won't open that email. Just kidding. You are too funny. Thanks for the laugh today!

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  2. *snigger* The spammers have been hard at work recently but none of mine is as interesting as yours. I just keep taking the trash out...

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  3. What a relief! All these emails about me needing a breast enlargement from Mrs. C. I was getting really offended.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Now you've got me thinking about that one moment in SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy where Sean Connnery asks about the topic the pen is mightier.

    Juvenile humor, but I thought it was funny in college.

    [...wait... I still think it's funny...]

    ~Luke

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bonnie, some of these emails probably have answers to questions you didn't even know you had, bayyybeee! :0

    Ganeida, I attract a higher class of spammer than you do, *obviously*.

    Virginia, you still need that breast enlargement. Actually, why don't they call 'em BREASTS enlargement? Because...

    /kidding.

    Luke, I ill-advisedly clicked on the link and had to laugh, too. He's "sitting on a gold mine??" Um...?

    'Tis best not to inquire.

    ReplyDelete
  6. lol, they keep getting sneakier and sneakier! I now get several like "Allison, we found you naked!" or "Allison, your credit card application was DENIED!" or "Allison, is this your wife [engaging in sexual activity with a virile man]?"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow. Someone is collecting information on you and your wife! LOL

    ReplyDelete

Non-troll comments always welcome! :)