30 December 2009

Questionable Parenting

I've been surfing stupid "welcome screen" news items. Yep. I swear to you that I would never know who most of the celebrities are without it or get to see the celebrity "fashion disasters" that I can safely laugh about. (Nevermind that I just wore 3x sweatpants, snowboots and a jammie top to Wal-Mart, mmmkay? I pride myself on the fact that I didn't spend thousands on the outfit and personal fashion designer. Bet you the fashion designer feels the same way. )

Here's a dandy item: it's child abuse to post embarrassing stuff about your kid on the web. If your kid gets stuck behind the couch and you get a video camera out and giggle at your three-year-old, you're just a child abuser. Oh, and it's pretty much the same thing if YOU post videos of your kid on YouTube... and if an ambulance EMT crew posts post-accident video, shot while they're snickering, during a rescue.

See, I don't think so. I didn't like the video. It realllly bothered me that here was this kid obviously upset, but the mom said she wouldn't save him until he went through what happened... and she's filming him?? And posting it??

I thought it was in poor taste and embarrassing to the child. It showed a lack of concern and empathy... but then again, we're just chatting about what I would feel would constitute a "safe" family culture. Other families I've known in the past call their kids "maggot" and "s -head" and that sort of thing and it doesn't seem to bother the kids. It just bothers me to hear it, so it must be *my* problem. Maybe your family is different, but I don't want to send my child off to live with you if that's the way you parent.

But child abuse? I don't know. I'm sure there is a line between just being mean or doing something rotten on a given day and being abusive... and I don't think it was crossed here. I'm sure we've all done stupid things in our parenting lifetimes, but just hadn't posted said stupid things to YouTube.

I don't think this is quite "child abuse" or I wouldn't post the link unless I somehow thought it would help the child and/or other children. I wouldn't just post it for entertainment, and it bothers me that these folks think it's child abuse but embed the video anyway. Hello, if the YouTube video were of a kid being molested or something, should you write an article about it and embed the video? I don't want to sound all judgmental and stuff, but if you think it's abuse and that the child is exploited, why are you linking? Maybe there is a good reason to show children being abused, such as to stop abuse from happening or to give a jury some evidence. I've posted "kids in a closet" type videos myself in discussing restraint and seclusion in public schools.

But it just seems wrong to me for them to do it in this instance... Your thoughts?

7 comments:

  1. Abuse? Not even close. He was in no real danger and had apparently done this before (You know you get stuck when you go behind the couch, right?). If he'd been truly upset--screaming in terror or was hurting, it would have been different, but most of it was theater. I did think how he switched gears between being upset (loved the "I'm sinking!!!" and the eye peering at his mother to see what effect he was having) and then in the next minute how he quite calmly explained how he got back there. He is a remarkably articulate little guy (very high IQ I suspect) and his mom was giving him a chance to think about the consequences of his actions before she rescued him. No one put him back there, he wasn't isolated and alone, and no one was shouting abuse at him.

    On the other hand, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want anyone video taping my every day life as a parent either. But I'm fairly self-protective like that and wouldn't post videos of my kids taking some of their bigger risks--period. (I just now learned about a bike ramp some of my boys built a few years ago while I was at work and their father was on duty . . . Egads!)

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  2. Nope. Not even close to abuse. These are called *teachable moments* because this is one kid who hasn't learnt from multiple rescues. Time for a little creative parenting. OK, I probably wouldn't have posted to u~tube but I might have reacted the same way, even to the point of videoing. seriously, do we really want the world so thin skinned it can't laugh at itself? ever? Just in case someone's feelings get hurt? Over it.

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  3. My kids and I learn to laugh at ourselves. I've gotten myself into situations where I didn't get offended that my kids were laughing at me. Do you remember the video I posted Glue Scare? Ryan put glue on his hands and cheeck and told the kids it was skin? The reactions were so funny but in the end, we showed them the trick and they were doing it to themselves for a week straight. Even though they were really upset, they got in on the joke eventually. Now they even laugh at the video.

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  4. Protect Children by Supporting the Preventing Harmful Restraint and Seclusion in Schools Act

    Restraint and Seclusion - We Have a Big Problem
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWm7hW9q3ZI&feature=player_embedded

    By signing the petition in the link below your U.S. Legislatures will be contacted.
    Protect Children by Supporting the Preventing Harmful Restraint and Seclusion in Schools Act
    Targeting: The U.S. Senate and The U.S. House

    Students with and without disabilities have for too long faced a situation where they must fear physical violence, injury and even death as a result of aversives, restraint and seclusion at school. We believe that school should be a place of learning, not a place of fear. This action alert is to promote the Preventing Harmful Restraint and Seclusion in Schools Act, which represents a crucial step forward for students with disabilities in particular, who are the most vulnerable to these practices, and fulfills a key provision of the Justice for All Action Network Joint Campaign Agenda, calling on Congress to pass comprehensive legislation addressing the use of restraint, seclusion and aversives. Amongst the valuable provisions of this legislation are:

    * A prohibition on the use of restraint and seclusion in schools unless a student’s behavior poses an immediate danger of physical injury and less restrictive interventions would be ineffective.
    * A prohibition on the use of any mechanical restraint, chemical restraint, or physical restraint that restricts air flow to the lungs, and any other aversive behavioral intervention that compromises health and safety.
    * A requirement for adequate training for school personnel imposing restraint and seclusion.
    * A requirement for immediate parental notification and a school debriefing following each incident of restraint or seclusion.
    * A requirement for states to create a state plan that incorporates the minimum standards and report annually on the number of incidents of restraint and seclusion. *Prohibit schools from including restraint or seclusion as planned interventions in student’s education plans, including Individualized Education Programs (IEPs).


    Please click on the link below to sign the restraint and seclusion petition
    http://www.change.org/autisticadvocacy/actions/view/protect_children_by_supporting_the_preventing_harmful_restraint_and_seclusion_in_schools_act

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  5. People play fast and lose with the word "abuse" these days. I'm sure no lasting or even temporary damage was done to the child's psyche as a result of being posted to YouTube.

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  6. Hi, Mrs. C--Sorry for a comment that's off-topic, but I've been unable to find the email you sent me a couple of weeks back. Could you resend? (vonzastrowc@learningfirst.org).

    Apologies for the technical glitch! I've been meaning to get back to you....

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  7. I must be a terrible person, because I laughed along with that mom.

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Non-troll comments always welcome! :)