A deaf preschool child can't use sign language for his name in school because it looks like a gun. His name is Hunter. Duhhh. I have a sign for them myself, but I guess they won't allow that in school, either...
Obama wants people on the coast to be prepared for Hurricane Isaac. It's not the time to tempt fate, he warns.
Ok, so when is the proper time to tempt fate? Perhaps the president will issue the following statement next week:
of America, now that tropical storm Isaac has passed, scientists have
determined that optimal fate-tempting time is NOW."
It will be time to plug in all your hairdryers and use 'em while you
soak in the tub. Car surf. Get a body piercing from some unlicensed
dude in the alleyway. Lick an angry bear's nose. ALL those things you
never wanted to do, time to do 'em.
A Louisiana school is marking children's right hands with the mark of the beast when they buy their lunches. Ok, it isn't. But some extremely paranoid and fearful parents are afraid that scanning a child's hand as a method of identification is somehow the same as "marking" the hand with the 666 of end times prophecy.
This article actually interviews parents who will pull their children out of school if other people even try to use the scanning machine in the cafeteria. Ha ha ha!
I love Jesus, but His little Christian friends? Maybe not all of them so very much. Because they make me look stupid for believing in the same God. Do I really have to hang out with these people in Heaven? Fer reals, I would just like a condo with the normal people. A beachfront one. We can yell phrases like, "Iris scanner!" at the sunbathers in the morning and then have the beach all to ourselves for the day.