19 August 2013

Eating Live Tapeworms Not Advised, Medical Experts Caution

Yummy, yummy tapeworm.  I'll need a big glass of water to get this down.  Source:  http://phil.cdc.gov/PHIL_Images/20031208/87d4bff74e41427cb278526bd9cbe76a/5260_lores.jpg


Des Moines, Iowa -- A woman went to her doctor and told him that she ate a live tapeworm to lose weight.  The doctor and every public health official got upset and prescribed anti-worm medication.  The medical establishment wants everyone to know that rarely, you could actually die from tapeworms.

So? 

I want to know some more information.  I want to know how much weight this woman lost.  I want to know how much tapeworms cost and where I could (theoretically) buy them.  I want a breakdown of how likely it would be for me to die in the next 5 years because I'm over 100 pounds overweight, and compare that to how likely it would be for me to die with tapeworms.

Because it sounds like these worms might be an unexplored medical option, and I'm down with it, I really am.

I LOVE how the medical people say things like, "Just eat less and exercise more."  They have no idea how hard it is when you're really, really fat and can't seem to stick to a diet. 

I'm not a bad person.  I even have lotsa self-control.  I pay my taxes on time.  I'm a good parent.  I drive safely.  I just don't really have a lot of fortitude in this one area.  You know, people have to be really desperate to go through surgery to chop up and re-route their stomach, or eat tapeworms, or "detoxifying drinks" or whatever. 

Aside from the triumverate of 1. Stop being a fatty; 2. Eat less and exercise more; 3. Get dangerous and permanent surgery done, what hope is there right now?  The commenters writing about how stupid this woman is have no idea what it feels like to be superfat, all day and every day.  To them, it's just obvious that fat people need to stop shovelling food into their mouths and how hard can that be?

Only think how desperate this woman was when she swallowed a live worm, and you have your answer.

3 comments:

  1. It's a bad idea because in addition to the tapeworm absorbing the foods you eat, it's also taking all the nutrition. The worm isn't at all picky, just taking a bit here and there, it's absorbing everything. Your health is at risk.
    Bad. Idea.

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  2. I am sad for her that she wanted something so badly, she would ingest a parasite to try to accomplish it.

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  3. GAG... I can't get past putting a parasite in one's mouth and swallowing.

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