Homeschooling Elf and Emperor

There's the story about the couple that wants to go to Rome, but they wind up in Holland instead. I hate that story. Anyone who has ever lived with children with disabilities day in and day out will tell you it certainly is not a good analogy to compare "special needs" children with trips to Rome and Holland. Hello, if you have kids like this, you never want to leave your house and have difficulty relating to any trip-themed story.

We have two children on the autism spectrum and one with the ADHD sillies. I think in our case, what makes it most difficult is that our children look just like anyone else, but just act all quirky when they're in public. We homeschool our 6 and 7-year-old, but our older two children are presently in public school. And public school DOES work for these two older children. This post is mostly about my two younger boys, though.

The Emperor (6), despite CONSTANT training, will run away from me and hug strangers and tell them he loves them. He will spin about and make a nuisance of himself. He will clap, sing loudly and dance while I am having a serious conversation with the doctor. The Elf (7) will be *just* fine most of the time, but only if his mother is directly next to him. Otherwise, he frequently runs away or hides, or even becomes defiant. He literally freaks out in public.

We get horrible sneers when I'm out with the younger children. I'd sure like to give every self-righteous sneer-er a good wallop upside the head. Then, I'd like to mandate that they spend 200 years caring for seven special-needs children at once and endure every eye-rolling and snippy comment possible during that time. Twice. Per child. I'd like to see them suffer great humiliation, and feel the despair of knowing that no matter WHAT you do, people will think you're a crappy parent. Then, toward the end of the 200 years, I'll make some little comment about how if they would just be consistent with their discipline, their children wouldn't act like such brats in the public library...

That would feel *good.* Sigh. I just had to spend about five minutes thinking about that. I feel better now. Ok, back to the subject of the post...

I really wish that I could just wave my little wand and make everybody "better." My children would lead normal lives and I might have some IRL friends. But I will say that if my children were regular, run-0f-the-mill children we wouldn't have discovered the joys of homeschooling them.

D had been against the idea in the past, on the premise that it is 1. more work for me that the public school would do for "free;" and 2. he pays his taxes and doggone it he's going to get that VALUE out of it; and 3. I might not be able to do this and keep up with my other duties at home. It wasn't until he saw that the public school was NOT going to meet our family's needs and was NOT looking out for the best interests of Elf, that he was ready to give it a try.

Or more correctly, was ready to let ME try.

Everything you hear about homeschooling is probably true to some extent. At least it is for us. Our homeschoolers are very backward socially, but I think that has more to do with the disabilities they have than their upbringing. Their disabilities mandate the type of upbringing they receive, really. I *can't* just go to a homeschool co-op or even Children's Church and leave the 6 and 7-year-old. It doesn't work. The Emperor would be spinning, non-stop talking and hugging, and "not making good choices" during my absence. And the Elf would probably be screaming and hiding in a corner... if anyone is able to find him... So, yes, our homeschoolers are socially awkward. I need to get over it, and so does everyone else.

And, yes, homeschooling DOES eat up pretty much all of your day. But... if you want to go on a vacation, you don't have to follow the school's schedule. If you want your child to NEVER learn about Halloween, or "alternative lifestyles" during class time, you never, never have to deal with that issue again if you don't want to. Did you want to teach your children Roman numerals instead of gender equity? You can do that. The day is yours. Well, not really. You spend your whole day on THEM, but at least you get to determine what's going into their heads.

Those of you with special-needs children in the school system will relate with having to fight for every little accomodation for the child on his IEP. And every time your child does something foolish, you have to go and advocate for him rather than let the teachers be too harsh in their judgment. You have to walk that line between teaching the child a lesson and breaking his spirit toward education, and you have to do it daily AND justify what you're saying to your child's teachers. You have to do homework with a screaming child. You have to do this every day... I know I said "daily" before, but let that thought sink in a bit. Every... day. Please remember that public school schoolwork *somehow* tends to be most demanding when you have the flu, or a headache, and/or ten appointments that MUST be kept that afternoon.

To me, it's not worth it. I'd rather spend six hours teaching what *I* want to teach on my own schedule, than three screaming hours of homework and paperwork-checking when school is out, the children are tired, and I have to do things the "school's way." That doesn't count the constant phone calls either. Bleh.

One thing I've been surprised about is how homeschooling fits in with "life." How "life" is an opportunity for homeschooling, and homeschooling is an opportunity to learn about life as you're living it. For example, I started an Alpha Omega Lifepac about "plants" with the children and we planted a pumpkin seed for fun. I thought the thing would die after a little bit, but we'd take a few notes about the leaves and stem and be done.

Nope. We planted it in the front yard and eventually harvested a beautiful pumpkin! We learned all about pumpkins for about a month for science. We even went to the pumpkin patch for a field trip! It was so much fun, and so interesting to learn about the pumpkin while it's growing. Homeschooling gave us that time to get away from a set curriculum and do some learning on our own about a topic of interest.

We still do the "box" curriculum for the most part. I like the structure and the idea that someone else has worked out the scope and sequence so our "gaps" aren't too big. But every now and then, we take time out to learn about something that interests us, and then we get back to the curriculum. I'll let you in on a secret: it makes the curriculum last longer, and reinforces some of its ideas as well.

We just love homeschool. I can work around the Elf's needing structure and sameness each day, so it meets his special needs VERY well. Actually, you can't tell he is autistic at all when he's at home, really. Maybe he flaps his arms a bit while we're doing a cooking lesson or reading an exciting story. But otherwise, his schoolwork and interactions at home are about on par with any other child. And the Emperor is learning how to write more legibly and channel his energy appropriately. It's an ongoing lesson, though. I'm thankful to have my younger children home to teach them the skills they need.