Homeschooling With Kindle Fire

What I forgot to add is that the Kindle comes already rigged up with your Amazon account on it. Learn the parental controls first thing! I found my Kindle was set up according to my computer preferences, which means "one-click" ordering. Eeep! So I have mine set up so that I have to type my password in to buy anything (even buying "free" things requires a password). That makes me more confident in allowing the younger children to be over an arm's length away while they're watching Moby and Annie during school time. Hopefully the video is helpful.

Elf Goes to School

I took about 50 pictures but since I got there early, I didn't hold up the dropoff line. ALL the pictures in which he is facing the camera wound up with his eyes squeezed tight, so I am posting the pic of what I saw as I was getting ready to drive away... *sniff*... Goodbye, Elf. He says he will miss me, but I don't think he will. Do you know who is very sad? Emperor. I've already played (and lost) two chess games and he's been online "battling" other players for a while now. I'm going to have to pull him away soon and tell him it's time for other lessons. He will have a hard time doing his schoolwork without his best friend. Thankfully for him, Elf will only go half days for a while, so math and science are done at home. And chess. DO NOT forget chess.

Nesting

I think it's a female robin. She sits on the nest almost all the time now. I wonder what baby robins are like and whether we will be able to see anything from our deck, where this pic was taken with zoooom. Seems that now that we are studying birds, we will get to see some if not up close, at least nearby.

Snug Blanket of Homeschooling? Damn Straight.

This superintendent is FED UP with bad treatment and decreased funding for public education. He IS, however, content with leaving paddling on the books in his district. You won't see a demonstration against that! I'm sure the teachers realllly care, though. They've lobbied against corporal punishment in the schools soooo consistently. I mean, the NEA website is just riddled with calls to activism against -

What? It isn't? Ohh, my. How surprising. Just look at me jumping out of my seat with amazement. (whoo.) I'm so amazed. Here I thought so many of the teachers were concerned about homeschoolers because they, you know, might be abused at home. Locked in a closet or something. You know... like my son was at school. That's the reason we started homeschooling. Ohh the irony.

Parents like me enjoy wrapping our children in the "snug blanket of homeschooling." Watch the video. He said it. I imagine that he means we overcoddle our children and protect them from the normal, everyday things like the homelessness, poverty and drug addiction that HE is dealing with in the public school. If I've overcoddled my children, I figure the snug blanket will be removed soon enough. The guy's speaking from TEXAS, though. Nobody wants a hot, fluffy blanket in 90-degree weather! What kind of analogy is that?

Not to mention the insults this superintendent throws at his own schoolchildren. He has the gall to get up in front of God and everybody and say right off the bat that public school students are NEVER really going to be as shiny and new or "scrubbed clean" like privately-schooled kids or homeschoolers. Yeah. I'd be danged insulted if I had a child in this guy's district. My kids are clean enough and I resent the implication that just because I'm lower class, that I need to learn what this "soap" thing is. Hey. My kids' clothes are stained and threadbare because they are old and we can't afford new ones every week. But they are *clean.* Maybe I spent my money BUYING BOOKS for my kids like the private school kids he's busy deriding.

But... you have to admit, it IS nice of him to be a fighter and march into that school building every day, all bleeding and bruised (did you hear that insane talk?? He really said that!) **sniff** but those valiant teachers... they're not gonna give up on the kids. You can cut this fella's pay back to minimum wage and he'd still be there fighting. Oh, yeahhh. Know why? Either the benefits are dang good, or he's lying as some sort of stage gimmick for emotional effect during his speech. I'm thinking lying, but his benefits are still probably better than mine. See, but I don't feel his money needs to be redistributed to my pocket "for the kids," though. That's the difference between us.

Lead Bank State Championship

We had a LONG day playing chess at the Lead Bank State Championship at the KCI Expo Center. We got to see some old friends from a previous chess league and socialize during the times between games. This is J and B, who later tied for first place in the K-2 Division. Emperor was the top player in the third grade division (he would have been in third grade were he in public school). And The Happy Elf Homeschool placed as the *first* K-6 division school. I hadn't even realized we were playing as a school as well as individually. Elf and Emperor have greatly improved their game since last year. For Emperor especially, this is a grand victory. Remember his last tournament? This was his year to shine. :)

Plant Study

 We loved doing our Chemistry lessons so much that we are beginning a short unit on plants from the same teacher.  Here you see Elf and Emperor constructing molecules and learning about the process of photosynthesis.  I gave them bunches of candy corn, peas and dried corn and they decided which would represent carbon, oxygen and hydrogen.  Hopefully, they learned that the process of photosynthesis doesn't add or subtract any of our elements, but does rearrange them. 

Odds and Ends

Public School Update

Patrick's English teacher sent the following letter to me last week (names changed, otherwise copy/paste):

Mrs. C,

This is to notify you that Patrick will be reading the book In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez. As stated in the letter I sent home a month ago (please see attached), the substitute reading is of the same genre, Magical Realism, and has the same setting of Latin America. Please understand that Patrick will be working independently on this unit. I will prepare a booklet of materials for his study that correlates to the class’s activities. Any homework assignments and quizzes for Patrick will be of the same point value as the class. The objectives of the unit are the same, and the final in-class writing will be of the same nature and difficulty.

Mrs. English Teacher's Name

So... Patrick will receive a different assignment, but without input from others on what is really expected on the tests (you know that's often given in discussions; you can tell by what the teacher focuses upon, etc.), he will truly be on his own. And yeah... there WAS a note home about a month ago that the reading was explicit... but I hadn't expected "explicit and without literary value, and furthermore not even originally written in the English language."

I was chatting with another mom at the orchestra concert recently and she told me her family was moving across town but that her daughter would really, realllly miss having Patrick in her class. They're in the same English class and she a Christian, but the silent type. She has a hard time speaking up. Patrick says the things others wish they could, but... don't. And apparently he's pretty good at the verbal battles. I'm pretty sure that this woman with the super MBA and who is at least three times his age bests him quite often, but he's fighting. :)

I told her about the recent assignment and my objection to it. She thought that it would be along the lines of Of Mice and Men and I assured her that I read Catcher in the Rye, Of Mice and Men, and that sort of thing that was "controversial" during my high school years... and this book doesn't even come close to having that sort of vague literary redemption. She expressed an interest in reading this mysterious book. We both reasoned that it may be that her daughter was too embarrassed to talk about what was in there. Whatever this family decides, I wish them the best...

Woodjie Update

Woodjie is constantly climbing things. Homeschool can be pretty tough to teach with his hopping all over everywhere. Oh... and he takes off his clothes. A few times I've literally gone into the kitchen to start making lunch or something and I'll turn around to see a NAKED MAN in front of me. Well, a short little giggling naked man who runs away when I try to scoop him up and put him downstairs. Doggone it, he's cute but I have a feeling this will NOT go over well with people in the community when he's ten.

Emperor and Elf

We have their summer planned! They'll be taking Saturday swimming classes again at the local community center. We will work very, very hard so that we can get everything I think ought be done in time for a school vacation before July.

We're looking at short overviews on several religions in social studies. Emperor thought that he would "test Hinduism scientifically" by watching a dead spider in the corner to see if it came back to life. I told him the only way to know if Hinduism really "works" would be for people to remember their past lives as amoebas and fish and so forth. Elf thought that the better idea would be to pray over the spider in Jesus' Name and see what happens. I'm thinking it was just the spider's time to go, buddy...

We're also learning a bit about how to take notes on index cards/ outline for a research report. I had the "brilliant" idea of having the boys take notes during a sermon. Here's what I found on Elf's card:

Pastor does an itoresting words to say. I am suprised he has all this to say.

Um, don't outdo yourself there! Overwork leads to stress. Can you believe my super-bright child did this?? Yes, and he would have been going into fifth grade were he in public school. Mommy is sooo proud of him; he is just a shining beacon for homeschooling.

When I told him all this the other day, he cringed a bit, giggled and said, "Yeah..." My point was made.

Fighting Brothers

I'm so tired of it. Elf and Emperor need to knock it off. They are constantly fighting over who gets to read more and who gets more cuddle time with their mom and I get complaints like, "I read a page with a picture, so that doesn't count as a whole page."

And of course, I get responses like, "But YOU went first with the reading time so **I** should get more pages..." followed by, "But YOU got to look at the pictures while you were reading, so **I** should get ten extra pages..."

And that is MYYYYYY pencil. Nevermind that it's a standard yellow pencil just like the other one; I just *sharpened* it. SO it's like you're making me DO ALL THAT WORK for free and it's NOT FAIR! I mean, really, it's five steps over to the electric pencil sharpener. You have to hold the pencil in the sharpener for 30 seconds or so. (I'm really worried about the kid getting traumatized over this horrible loss.)

And I know that the children in Haiti and the Sudan are weeping for Elf and Emperor because horror upon all horrors, we live in unsanitary conditions that would make them blanch with disgust. Elf touched his sock during school time and THEN TOUCHED HIS SCHOOLPAPER. I know. It's just so gross that it's hard for you to imagine. All the foot-sweat the kid must have been building up since his shower two hours before this incident... well, it's too terrible to contemplate.

But the ultimate - the ultimate, I tell you - awful thing happened today. Emperor wouldn't share his answers to questions like, "Who is unable to complete a perfect work of salvation from sin?" and "Why did Jesus Christ suffer and die for sinners though He had no sin and deserved no punishment?" Poor Elf was floundering on his own. He wanted to make sure he had just the right answer! It wasn't fair that Emperor wasn't sharing! I was cleaning the kitchen at the time and dealing with the telephone, so I told Emperor just to share already and went back to work.

By the time I got back, they were punching each other. Apparently, the answers to the Easter lesson are trade secrets that even Mom cannot command to be discussed openly. I think we need to call all the missionaries home now, because it's not fair other people are asking for the answers and not working to arrive at right doctrine on their own.

Um... I really let 'em have it. I'm not a screamer; I SING at my children when I am angry. If I'm really, really furious, I will clap my hands a lot with the singing. I figure it's better than beating the stuffings out of a kid, even if it does sound awful. I took 22 minutes (Emperor counted) to have a "discussion" with them about the error of their ways, and how they really should be in tears, repenting before God right now with lots of wailing because they were just *that* bad (Emperor's, "but wailing is annoying. Why can't I just talk to God?" got him an answer he didn't really want to hear at that point).

And how certainly, martyrs are dying *right now* to bring the gospel message to the heathen in the hinterlands (where? we never studied that place? *nasty look from Mom* No, I'm just asking!! ... show it to me on the map so I can look it up, ok? *gggrr* Um... I will ask you later... I ... guess... if I can remember later... ok, I'm listening now).

Arg.

As I was saying, martyrs are dying *right now* to bring the gospel message to the hinterlands, and you can't even share a workbook page titled, "God is Love" with your brother?? Aaaa... waaahhhh... blah blah blah really lonnnnng lecture blah blah. Now you need to get this done and Emperor, you'd better help the Elf finish the work.

"But I can't write anymore!" Elf wailed. "Emperor took my *best* pencil!"

Arg. As I was saying... blah blah blah big lonnnnng lecture blah blah and you have FIVE OTHER PENCILS blah blah can we just get back to the schoolwork?

OK.

(Whew!)

Of course, it only took ten minutes to complete three worksheets once they worked together.

After dinner, I told Elf and Emperor to sit at the kitchen table and get ready for reading time. Yay; my fave part of the day schoolwork-wise. Wouldn't you know it, though, as I was coming across the room to sit down I saw them fighting *AGAIN.*

"Oh, hiiiii!" Elf said smiling.

??

I see Emperor's smiling little face pop up behind the Elf. "What's going on?" I asked. I *know* I saw them jostling each other.

"We're best friends!" Elf said with delight. Emperor is nodding vigorously in the background.

"Oh, reeeeeeeallly?" Sarcasm is my forte.

"Yes. And Mom," he said in his little Elf voice, "We know that if we fight, you will come over and ask a lot of questions. So we have decided something. We don't want you to interfere with our disagreements. We have discovered that nothing good comes out of it."

Welll... should I have thanked him or told him I felt insulted?

Feminism?

I'm quite pleased to live in an area that has regularly scheduled homeschooling programs in the local library as well as the usual preschool and toddler storytimes. Mind you, my children can't go yet; they get too overwhelmed. But it's nice that we have these regularly scheduled homeschooling programs, even if I can't make it there.

I asked the homeschool coordinator of our local library if I could do a presentation of some of the artwork I received from Picturing America. And she said yes! I was asked to do a presentation on the only two women whose works made it into the Picturing America portfolio, Mary Cassatt and Dorothea Lange, because March is Women's History Month.

Well, ok...

So I did some research. And naturally, I found that these were women who went against the cultural mores of the time. They were described as independent, stubborn... that sort of thing. More than one source I cited claimed that their works were instruments for social change, feminism, government intervention, blah blah blah.

So I presented that. Apparently reporting the facts that one finds... after being asked to do a presentation about these particular works... well, one reviewer stated that I was overly "politically correct" and had an agenda.

You heard it here first, folks. I am a radical feminist, and I was out to indoctrinate the little kiddies by telling them that sometimes ladies don't want to grow up, get married, and have lotsa babies and stay home. I'm almost sorry that I left out some of the more... interesting... facts, but sort of glossed over them in such a way that only the adults would understand if they were listening carefully during my presentations. I mean, I mentioned that Cassatt couldn't be trained in painting with men in art school because people didn't think it proper for ladies to see the "live models." Doggone it, but I *purposefully* neglected to specifically mention that the "live models" were butt-nekkid strumpets out to destroy the traditional family values we hold dear by allowing men to doodle their boobies, and I didn't mention that Cassatt must have been inherently evil for having any ambition whatsoever.

I was kinda miffed. The library lady who coordinated the presentation (did introductions, made sure tables were set up, that sort of thing) said to me later that as Christians, we would like the world to be a certain way, but sometimes we just have to go with where the facts lead us.

The facts (unfortunately, I guess) also led me to mention that there was this guy named Roosevelt, and this thing-o called the Resettlement Administration during the Great Depression, and that people were really starving and needed help. The background behind the picture I presented was really heartbreaking: a mom with seven children, and they've run out of food, and just sold the tires of their vehicle so the kids could eat, and now they're stuck. You would think if I were just a little more brazen, I'd have advocated for Obama personally popping into the ol' black and white photo to begin handing out unicorns and free pony rides and running up the national debt for these lowly moochers. The nerve of that hussy, photographing hungry people in the hopes that they could be helped.

Snippy little me thinks that when you get *too* extreme, you start to worry about whether the mom in the picture were picking frozen peas in a skirt and debating about whether it's proper for her to "work outside the home" at all, and ignore the fact that these people were hungry and desperate and likely didn't care where help came from if their children ate that night.

I told D about the bad review I got and he thought it was hilarious that I was called out for being a feminist. He's been calling me "Femmie" all afternoon. I'm not conservative enough to pass muster in homeschooling circles, I guess...

:P

All About China

Patrick will be going to China in June, as he has raised enough money for his trip. So I thought our next Social Studies unit would be "stuff I pieced together all about China." Emperor and Elf used the stencils of Chinese symbols to design their very own Happy Elf Homeschool t-shirts. (Our school slogan is, "Happy Elf Homeschool: The Home of the Happy Elf," because I'm original like that).

*

D, G and I went to the Chinatown market in downtown Kansas City to search for things to share with the family. I bought lychees in a can. Patrick informs me that these are exactly the same consistency as a dissecting frog. Eeew, and they smell bad, too. D is scared that the can's contents could be poisonous, or need to be cooked first, and that sort of thing. SO I had to look it up on wikipedia. It's fine. We just didn't eat it.

*

I also bought some chili-ginger candies that... well, now that I have 'em out of the wrappers, look like sugar-coated cat poo. And have nuts in them. I also bought some sort of peach/ginger candy that no one could eat because the plastic is melted onto the candy and peels off in tiny strips. You will *never* get the candy free; one would have to eat a half-plastic, half-candy concoction. Needless to say, it's becoming obvious that Patrick will be mighty hungry by the end of his trip to China if this is the sort of food he'll be eating. But I did also buy Chinese pears. Apparently these taste just like apples, but they are about five times as expensive. (Oh, well.)

*

Another thing I bought at the market was a New Year's hanging of some kind. And I bought some cute paper money called joss paper. Welllll... you're supposed to BURN this money to help your ancestor ghosts. There was a lot of this stuff at the market, so I assumed it was a big part of Chinese culture, since it's important enough to have several brand names. The younger boys are enjoying it anyway. Patrick refuses to touch it now, even though he was very eager to play with the pretend money before he found out its usual purpose.

*

We are working on a BJU Booklink titled, "These Are My People," the story of Gladys Aylward. We also watched an old movie about Aylward titled "The Inn of the Sixth Happiness." Elf and Emperor found several inconsistencies between the book and the movie, but I think they very much enjoyed the movie now that they have read most of the book. We've done tear-paper pictures and shadow puppets as well as our t-shirt art and regular worksheets and reading. I'm reading the Chinese Stencils book with the children as, in addition to some really neat paper stencils, it gives the history of each design and a pretty nifty overview of the nation itself, its art, major religions, and what homes looked like in ancient times.

Odd Stuff Post.

... full of odd things that don't require a whole post apiece.

The Happy Elf Homeschool

In our homeschool, we've been working on typing. Elf and Emperor know the home keys and most of the keys in the top row. I haven't taught them q, p, g, and h as yet. Otherwise, we have the top two rows down letter-wise. Emperor still hunts and pecks when he has a writing assignment on his AlphaSmart. Sometimes I will make him do his typing practice on the computer because I will know if he is "cheating" by looking at his fingers while typing, but he hates this because the computer feels different and the letters are spaced differently. And it isn't his speeeecial machine. Ok, then. So don't let me catch you cheating again, kid. I have seen him think about not looking in the right place a few times, but he hasn't really fallen down on the job yet.

I've also printed out a small "QWERTY Keyboard" picture and hung it under the computer screen for Elf and placed Emperor's on the back of our pencil holder. Now when they're tempted to look at their fingers, they need to look at this and think about which finger to use next and where all the letters go. Well, it's a work in progress.

Reading About Homeschooling

I picked up "Homeschooling the Child with AUTISM" (Amazon link) at the library recently, but haven't really been able to look at it too closely. Elf caught sight of it and got very upset. He said I ought NEVER read anything about changing our school. He likes our school just the way it is! PLEAAAASE don't change anything, Mom!

He said to please not read the book. Please. Emperor is of the opinion that if the book says that I am to give them less work, that I should be allowed to look at it. I told Emperor that I have NO IDEA what advice it would offer until I'm able to read it. Emperor said maybe I should just leave it and not look at it ("...just in case it says to give a lot of work," he mumbled under his breath as he walked away).

Do your kids attempt to censor your reading like mine do?? Not that it works. I want to educate my kids well and get all kinds of ideas. It doesn't matter if those ideas come from public school educators, people with autism, people who educate special-needs children, or other parents. I liked reading this article by a public schoolteacher who began homeschooling. It's been linked about everywhere on the blogosphere already, but I'd like to share with you the fact that I appreciated that she became more humble through the experience (being that SOLELY responsible for the education of your children will do that to you).

I also hope that she is respected and valued in the homeschool community for her ability to teach larger groups. I don't see where she should be *ashamed* at having once been a public school teacher, or never bring it up as it might naturally arise in a conversation. I have gotten plenty of insight from these teachers in the past, and my educational career with my children isn't over yet. Here's hoping we all see ourselves as fellow learners who are continually improving and sharpening our skills... Most of us do, unless we are

Those Unschoolers, Who Are Lazy-Asses

Blog link, or read my extremely loose synopsis/almost actual quote: "Of course, unschoolers don't qualify as people who are really teaching at all. They're sitting around and just letting kids do whatever they want. As a smarmy and self-righteous potential homeschooler myself, I just want to say that anyone should be able to prove at any time that they are actually homeschooling. I mean, I would be ready for my kids to jump through rings for some lady they haven't seen for months in the middle of the grocery store because I'm all organized like that and am ready for these impromptu pop quizzes. We all know that people who are REALLY homeschooling wouldn't find their kid going on and on about video games... right??! Based on my being nosy in the grocery store and quizzing some kid and his mother about their homeschooling habits, choice of curriculum, hours of actual instruction and educational methodology, I'm just going to go all-out crazy on every homeschooler who doesn't meet the gold standard of some guy I'm vaguely related to who 'homeschools' under the guidance of a 'real teacher.'"

Oh, and here's an ACTUAL quote:

"I'm going to start driving around with standardized tests and bust people."

See, I have a different stereotype in my head about those horrid unschoolers, which is why I can never become one. So far as I know, if little Joey asks a question about whales, you must immediately drop everything, go to the ocean, interview a marine biologist and give Joey time with the whales. He must learn about how to operate all the whale sound equipment. It isn't a complete visit if he doesn't also learn the history of whaling and memorize a few facts about krill, the ecosystem, and learn to differentiate each whale type by region.

Even watching TV can be a difficult educational experience. If Joey wants to hear about Plankton because he saw Spongebob, we MUST see plankton under the microscope. Draw plankton. Create plankton sculptures that are true to scale using painted styrofoam shapes and coloured cellophane from Michael's craft center. Labelled with proper spelling. It must be done that week as we ought not wait... that would stifle the immediacy and joy of the learning experience.

Don't get me started on the etsy shop every unschooler must open for himself, selling world-class eclectic handmade goods from recycled materials, creatively reconstructed into imaginative and fanciful crafts as well as useful items. We don't grade, the unschooling family says, but since Joey grossed about $75,000 from his etsy shop, we think we will learn Swahili in Kenya next year on the proceeds. Granted, it's a bit of a structured curriculum with an "end" in mind when we set up a class objective in this fashion, but we think occasionally we can bend the rules. This time, we are bending them by making a few, since we didn't have rules to begin with.

I'm tired and broke just thinking about what a task unschoolers do every day. Lazy butts, they are not. :)

Ducky Math!

I put a couple plastic ducks out to encourage the children to participate in the teaching time during math. When you think you know the answer to my question, pick up a duck, put it on your head and say, "Quack! Quack! Quack!" before letting me know the answer. Suddenly, I have some very eager math ducks on my hands. People who shout out the answer without saying "Quack! Quack! Quack!" get no credit. People who shout out the answer to the entire math problem, but not my QUESTION get no credit, either. Listen carefully! I might ask you what unit the problem is asking for, or how many quarts you STARTED with.

What We've Been Doing

Here at the Happy Elf Homeschool, we've been following a "schedule" since Monday. It's had mixed results. It sure isn't nearly so strict as the schedules you'd find in a larger school, but I am learning just a little bit about WHY those big-bad factory institutions schedule things so strictly in the first place (hint: it's called "getting the stuff you planned to do ... done").

I am discovering that there are small time-wasters during the day, little rabbit trails we keep hopping down, and that sort of thing. And that was wonderful and good while the children were little and needed to learn so much about the world; however, it's not necessary now to interrupt our studies for further investigation on a topic that pops up quite so frequently. This week I scheduled an entire day for cooking, chess games and assorted "fun" or elective subjects after our math was done. When I did that, I found out that the children really need a bit more direction than your average third and fourth graders would. I think doing the math first thing in the morning is a good idea, but I also think one other subject thrown in later in the day might balance out the mostly unstructured "fun" stuff. It would also give me an opportunity to play catch-up with whatever we might have been lagging behind in that week.

I'm posting a few pictures of what I do with the younger children while the older ones are doing a more self-directed activity. I can get all kinds of little boxes full of blocks or baby things (spoon, bowl, bottle, blanket, etc.) and let them play with each thing for a bit. Then I will switch the children's activities so that each has a turn doing a puzzle or matching bears or whathaveyou.

The *NEW* Schedule

Oh, yayyy. I've realized that I've been frantically trying to get *everything* done at once... and while we have tons of stuff started, we have trouble getting anything actually FINISHED. Or I'd realize suddenly that we hadn't studied the Bible in two weeks. (Really! If this sort of thing hasn't happened to you yet, you either have a schedule, are perfect, or you just haven't been homeschooling very long.) I sorta copied the idea for a schedule from this link (pdf) I found after browsing Luke's blog. Woodjie doesn't have school on Wednesdays, so now I will schedule trips to the grocery store, art or other fun things on this day. We've also moved cooking to Wednesdays. I have left bunches of ideas in the "Wednesday" column and I will probably let the children pick what they want to do after their math is done. Did you notice there is no science to be done this week? We've just finished a science LIFEPAC today, so we'll begin a social studies LIFEPAC next week. When that's done, I'll probably get two science packs done and then concentrate on China for a while as Patrick is travelling there in June with the high school orchestra.

Quilt Craft

I got this sweet idea for a paper quilt craft from crayola.com. Emperor was a little reluctant to do the craft. He knows cutting things and stringing things are not his strong points. As it is, it took him over two hours to do this project with much help. He worked very hard on it but was motivated to finish as he is a HUGE, HUGE Hello Kitty fan and Mom let him have some of her stationery to decorate the squares. Now, it's hanging in his room and he's very proud of his work.

Lookit This Picture, Mom!!

Elf waves me over to see a photo of two scorpions looking like they're holding hands.

"You have to hear this," he tells me, and settles in to read. "When scorpions reproduce, the male uses his pincers to hold the female's pincers. Then he drags her around until he can fertilize her."

Here Patrick, who was standing nearby, has to smirk and raise his eyebrow at me. Shut up, Patrick.

"When scorpions do this, it looks like they are dancing," Elf read.

"Um, yeah, it does kinda look like they are dancing, I guess," I told him as I tried to do the "look like I'm really busy and in too much of a hurry to talk right now" thing because I am uncomfortable. Mostly because I just faintly heard Patrick snort.

"Sometimes getting dragged around makes the female angry," Elf continued. Man, that kid CANNOT take a hint. Now Patrick is devoting his full attention to this reading. He's nodding and his arms are folded. My heart is sinking and I'm probably turning red. Great.

I wish I left that so-called "kids' book" on the library shelf but noooo. I had to get all homeschool-y and make the kids research a report on "something about a desert animal that is interesting."

"The male will then sting her," Elf read as Patrick came over to check out the pictures and nod. YES! There is scorpion porn, right in the middle of this children's book! I'm flabbergasted, but Elf just keeps reading as if scorpions *ahem* doing this were an acceptable topic of conversation. "This does not kill the female, but it numbs her so that she will stay still. The male can then fertilize the female."

"Interesting technique," Patrick comments.

"Once the dance is over, the male scorpion runs away. He does not want the female to try to eat him. It does not happen very often, but sometimes she does." Little Elf has his eyebrows up in that chubby Spock "isn't that interesting and odd" sort of pose.

"Ohhh," Patrick nods and does the "hmm" pose. Clearly he has no interest in directing the attention *away* from this awful book.

"Well... that's very... disturbing, Elf," I sputter, hoping that was positive enough. "I guess the female scorpion gets kinda mad about being dragged around and stung."

"And fertilized," Patrick interjects with a grin. He's 16 and I'm still not sure how I'm going to raise this one.

"Um, we have to go now," I tell Elf. "Lock us out there, would ya?"

"Sure! So... did you like the story? Was it interesting?"

"Welllll... you read a bunch of stuff I didn't know about before, I'll tell you that!"

"OK!" he said proudly as he was shutting the door. "See you later!"

Eating School Lunches

Interesting little public school lunch blog here. (I don't think the lunches blogged so far seem very terrible!) Pictured are our lunches today. It's pretty much the same every day except Tuesdays, when we cook. Tuesdays are often our days to get adventurous. Note that Woodjie has a different lunch than the other children. He has a pretty limited selection of food he enjoys. When I'm out of the house, I'm always looking for something new (milk and egg-free) that might be palatable to him.

A Keebler Elf in My Kitchen.

Elf is learning to help with sweeping and he enjoys home ec on Tuesdays with his brother. We decorated aprons once in art and Elf wrote "Kiss the Cook" on his... because he saw it on Spongebob. He deeply regrets this action as Mother takes the saying rather seriously. At least he is learning this lesson now, unlike the poor teens I've seen prancing about with glittery sayings like "Hot Strumpet" pasted on their derrieres. "Kiss the Cook" is way cooler. I'm hoping to give the boys a *great* grade on the cookies they are making. :)

Beware Samurai Bearing Gifts

Many thanks to Sue for directing us to this neat tutorial on YouTube on how to make samurai kabuto (war helmet). Click here to see the craaazy picture she posted that inspired us to ask for help in making our own! And yes, this counts toward our Social Studies hours, mmmkay?

New Lunchbox for the Homeschooling Dad!

We've been looking in thrift stores about *forever* for a new lunchbox for D. We refuse to pay the $20 for a new one, but just hadn't seen any adequately-sized lunchboxes in good condition... until now. D wasn't sure if he should get it or not. I told him he should get this $1.98 bargain, because it not only holds his work lunches, it's also *blogworthy.* :P