My Day at Church

I don't know. Maybe we need to join one of those religions where there is a lot of jumping around and stupid comments from the audience during the sermon. Anyone know of one?

I love Emperor, but he is driving me NUTS. Well, everyone seems to be driving me NUTS.

During church, G keeps sitting down during worship. I keep nudging him to stand up. He finally stands up, folds his arms and SCOWLS during the part where the congregation is singing about God's amazing grace. Finally, I had to drag him out into the hallway and admonish him that he is to stand throughout worship.

But, he says, lots of other people are sitting and it doesn't matter!! Well, if I manage to stand and I'm over three times his age, AND I'm eight months pregnant, this kid can stand during a few songs. And if he can't worship God with all his heart, I let him know he'd at least better act like a good Pharisee and pretend!

Meanwhile, Emperor has been leaning on the chair in front of him during service. I keep hinting at him to quit it. And hinting. Finally I had to growl/whisper at him that he'd best quit it and pay attention. Then he bawls because I hurt his feelings so I have to sit down and comfort him. G sees me doing this and thinks it's ok for HIM to sit, too. Elf sees this and sits as well.

I pinch G and he rolls his eyes and stands. Now he IS standing, but his hands are in his pockets and he is looking at his shoes. Emperor is still sniffling. I nudge Elf and Emperor to stand up and worship...

I'm so glad when worship time is over!

The pastor makes a comment to liven the crowd about his outfit making him blend with his surroundings. You probably can't see me too well, he says.

I CAN SEE YOU JUST FINE! Emperor makes sure that the worshippers in the next church half a mile up the road heard that one.

Now, I'll tell you, I keep hushing the kid, and he knows better. He really doesn't MEAN to be such a pain in the rear end. The problem comes when the pastor asks a question. Emperor will go ahead and answer it!! Yikes. I *want* the kid to participate, but he needs to know that you're really not supposed to answer the questions; you're supposed to sit perfectly still and stare STRAIGHT ahead unless you are looking at your Bible (or your children, in order to give them a good pinch when needed LOL!). I will say that his answers to the questions show that he has truly been listening. But I wish he wouldn't answer. He keeps forgetting what I just told him.

Like, great... when the pastor was reading about David worshipping in his underwear, he asks if "you" think it's ok to do. Whereupon of course the Emperor has to say NO IT'S NOT OK TO WORSHIP IN YOUR UNDERWEAR. Emperor, he wasn't really looking for you to answer! Now sit perfectly still and say NOTHING. Don't even move!

G starts pinging his foot on the wire back of the chair in front of him. Tap, tap. G gives me an angry look and quits. He puts just his nose and eyes outside his coat and fiddles around with his zipper.

Finally, service is over. Aaahh. I need to help Elf put his coat on, so I turn around for literally about 10 seconds. Emperor is gone!!!

He is onstage with the pastor making a nuisance of himself and hugging the worship team! I'm trying to get him to come over discreetly but of course that doesn't work and I have to march my fat self ALL the way to the front and make a display of myself in order to get him out of there.

In other news, the boys are wondering what my problem is and why I'm so grumpy after church.