20 April 2008

Happy?

Would you take away your child's autism if you could? Even if that meant your child would be fundamentally different?

Yup. I would.

I've had great difficulty blogging on autism this month. I would *like* to be able to talk about how much of a blessing my children with autism can be. It's true. They're blessings. But this month, G has had extreme difficulty with his behaviour. He tends to think in very black and white terms... You are either the greatest, most special mom on the whole face of the planet or, if you have taken his games away and confined him to his room...

You are Adolf Hitler. You are a JERK! I hate you. That's your new name; it's JERK. You're stupid and you're ABUSING ME! AAAAAA! AAAAA! AAAAA! Abusing me! AAAAA!

(And here I think about what my neighbours think. G bangs on the walls and the pole in the basement, which makes a loud bunch of sounds. Sure sounds like someone's getting the poop beaten out of him from outside.)

At this point, there is NO point talking to him or administering consequences like taking away stuff or whatever. No point. He is absolutely out of it. You are a jerk. There is nothing you can say or do at this point to be a good person again. Nevermind that you are absolutely rational, and console yourself that at least *this time* you haven't raised your voice, despite being sorely tempted... Nevermind that the reason the kid got sent to his room was for something that a "neurotypical" kid woulda been grounded a month for pulling.

You are abusing him.

AAAAA!! AAAA! Why won't anyone listen to me!?? I'm being ABUSED because of YOU and you're being a JERK! AAAAA! (bang bangbangbangbang bang... bang... bang bangbang continues for 45 minutes...)

Hey, some other time we can talk about "why medication isn't always a bad idea" or "why sometimes good parents don't seem to be doing a good job." But meanwhile, I'll leave you with this thought: I would rather get rid of every last symptom of autism. Sure, I would no longer be the best mom in the world sometimes. But I wouldn't be Hitler sometimes, either. And I just hate it when I'm Hitler, you know?

OK, now all y'all autism parents who think your kids are just fine with their autism go ahead and bash me. But I'm allowed to have a preference, since we're talking hypothetically.

I have a really big "preference" for getting rid of autism if we can. I think G and I would BOTH be happier that way.

10 comments:

  1. You have 6 children. .. how many of them have Autism? I can not quite figure it out... and yes, I agree with you that if you could take away the 'autism' you would! No one wants their child/children to have to stuggle in this world ... no matter what from.

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  3. I don't see how chosing to take away a disease from your kid can make you a bad parent. Why would you not want your child to express himself better and have the option to choose a personality to set him apart instead of autism.

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  4. Mrs. K, I think it's because some of the autistic traits can be seen as "personality quirks." For example, my Elf stims (flaps his fingers) when he is happy. It's kinda cute.

    Chris, I have two diagnosed with autism, and the baby J I am getting suspicious about as he does not speak or communicate well at all.

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  5. I can't remember where I read it, but a similar question was posed to someone with autism. "If there was a pill that you could take that would take away your autism would you take it?"

    After a moment, the man said that he would take half.

    The answer recognized the struggles of living with atypical brain development... and still demonstrated that the person valued and cherished who he was.

    BTW, I medicate my daughter ~

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  6. You are so politically incorrect, Mrs. c.

    I watched this made for TV movie last night about a married couple who were fighting over whether or not to get their deaf son an implant that would allow him to hear. The mom (who was also deaf) was reluctant because she didn't want her son to give up "deaf culture" or become "one of them".

    Can people just admit for once that life is not fair and sometimes we have things that we would rather not have? Instead the PC set has to turn it into a "culture" instead of a disability. How dare you want to take away your son's autistic cultural heritage!

    Just kidding if you can't tell.

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  7. Well Monkette has been diagnosed with SPD not autism (although I am going to take her to someone else on the advice of her therapist because she is showing more and more autistic traits) I would take it away in a heartbeat esp when I see the social problems she has because of it.

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  8. Actually, Catherine, I think it's cool that there is a "deaf community/culture" and stuff like that out there. It's a shame, though, that people can't let their children be part of both worlds - hearing and deaf culture. If child is naturally deaf he ought to learn to sign as well IMO.

    And is it really the mom's insecurity about being "left behind" in that instance? I think when we talk about "curing" autism, that might be where some of that anger comes from. I sure don't want my children left behind and forgotten like the polio victims!!

    Julie, I like the half idea, though I wonder what he would feel like after he took that half, you know??

    ps. I'm with ya cajunchick!

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  9. Hi.. I'm new around here. I followed you from Kim's Blogger Friends School post. Mrs. C - I don't know you, but if I did, I'd hug you.

    My son has ADHD - The early years were REALLY hard - people at church were always trying to tell me how to parent. They always thought they knew better than me. And their simple answer was often to spank him.. sigh.

    Now I'm not a non-spanking parent, I use it.. when it's necessary.. and without anger.. but at some point we have to admit, that spanking isn't the solution to everything.. sometimes time, patience and waiting for maturity is more the answer than a swift spank.

    I love that you don't want to be mommy Hitler anymore.. Neither would I, but I tell you, there is no better - no GREATER JOY - than to know that your children are walking in the Lord.. and I've got that, my son loves the Lord, and he's still got his learning differences, and his need for solitude, but OH BOY, I wouldn't change for a minute how much "I" have learned about love and patience and leaning on HIM for everything!.

    Sombra from hbs.com/morelittlewilsons

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  10. Um.... I would remove it too. My son has Aspergers. He has problems with his anger. I have to watch him at times around my other kids. It is no fun and there are behavior issues that come with it. I agree with you. I think people are living in a cloud by not admitting it would be NICE not having to deal with something like this. Duh. Of course it would be better for them, easier for mom, easier with social issues. I understand. He's my oldest and I've cried a lot of tears over this before when I was trying to figure it all out. I hate it when people tell me what I need to do when they don't even live with him. They have these great ideas, but they don't really understand till they've been there.

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Non-troll comments always welcome! :)