24 June 2008

Update on Me

Skip this post if you don't want to hear boring medical details.

I was dropped off at the hospital yesterday at about 6:30 a.m. and got my paperwork done. Waited around for a bit in a waiting room full of people coughing without covering their mouths. And someone I recognized from another church openly gossiping LOUDLY about one of the parishoners. Ughh. I wanted to walk over to the entranceway and stand, but standing was very difficult. I could feel my guts falling out and it's a very scary/awful feeling. So I just stayed. I tried to read my Bible and not listen and just pray over the situation. Then I found myself praying that I never do that because we are all fallible like that when we think no one is looking.

The nurse who got me was very kind. Her name was Robin. She helped me get everything ready and even made sure when I asked to get me someone who could get my IV in on the FIRST TRY. (I had them write her name in my paperwork so I can send a compliment card later! This is helpful to them on their employment records.) This is a very big thing for me as usually I will be poked 5 or 6 times, they'll wiggle the needle round and then blame ME that THEY can't do their job. And I'm crying and traumatized by the time it's over. This time I was pleasantly surprised to find they warmed my arm, gave me numbing medicine, and slipped that needle right in. I can't emphasize enough what a big deal that was to me. I was treated with a lot of compassion by these nurses, which was NOT my experience in the ER department on numerous occasions. I guess the ER nurses are too hurried to be kind (shame!).

Everything was explained to me nicely. The only thing that kinda scares me is they kept asking my name and the procedure that is to be done. My mom told me on the phone a few days ago not to worry about this; they just want to make sure constantly that they have the right person and that I understand what is going on. But I'm concerned about saying oh, I need a belly button thing done... and waking up with a piercing or something. I have no medical training and don't want to say the wrong thing. I always confirmed before I told them that THEY already knew the answer but were just double-checking with me. Ok, then.

I was alone and kinda scared. D had to drop me off and go back with the children. It wouldn't do to have six children, all screaming and squirming in the OR area. And D is a bit stubborn and refuses help. The folks at church have been more than helpful in volunteering any help I needed but D is a bit (maybe too) independent and stayed home. It was a tremendous blessing to me to see that Mrs. K is a nurse there. She visited me for a moment and prayed with me. I wasn't so scared then. I felt very much loved that God would send her to come help me. I really felt that He knew how I was feeling and then sent her or arranged things somehow. I don't know what to say about those times where God DOESN'T arrange things or "come through" like that, but it's a big blessing when He does and I was very grateful.

When they were almost ready to wheel me back and I was starting to get nervous again, Mrs. G our pastor's wife arrived! And she prayed with me, too! This was SUPPOSED to be their day off, and she took that time out to leave all her children and come see me. *sniffle* Then I felt really loved and prayed for.

I was wheeled back to the OR and was being introduced to everyone there when -

I don't know what happened!!

I vaguely sort of woke up in a room and then I woke up again... and then again as the nurses were talking about me taking a long time waking up. I'm funny like that I guess and I took unusually long to not be sick/amazingly sleepy. So I was wheeled back to the OR prep area to be kept an eye on, and all their plans to kick me out on time didn't work. I should have been able to leave around 12, but it was closer to 3 as I was absolutely unable to use the restroom, eat or drink or anything! Even when I left I didn't feel quite ready.

I am apparently pretty stupid and doped and don't make much sense. I speak slowly, even though I feel I'm chat-chat-chatting really fast, almost manic. So if my post doesn't make much sense, that's why. I'm going to read it over a couple times before I publish, but you never know.

I am feeling much better today, though I am sleeping a lot. I feel a little ill from the meds, but not too bad. I was expecting much worse today. But I have asked for only one pill instead of two. I'm also surprised that I have almost no pain on my incision unless I press on it (to cough, etc. I must use a pillow), but it hurts on my sides where my muscles must have been pulled back. Now, if I push just above my belly button I can feel muscles under the fat. Before, there was NOTHING there. Looking back that just doesn't sound right, but it is true that you could literally push on my intestines/stomach.

I'm feeling very grateful for all my friends at church. Right now, it seems I can not be a "giver" in any way. I am a "taker." I am taking up ministry time, and can't help in the nursery for a long time. I am sending my children to children's church and the youth and to services, but don't help in any of these areas. God has, over these last couple years, been teaching me to accept that I cannot do and be everything, but it is a very humbling lesson to learn. I want to at least look like I have it all together. I want to help and be a genuine part of my church community. And yet, I feel like I want to make yet another prayer request for my family while not doing a thing there for anyone.

Jesus said that it is more blessed to give than to receive. I am finding the hard way that it can be a blessing to receive as well, even if it isn't as big a blessing as giving. I'm still in awe that Mrs. B gave me such nice clothes that I wear every day. And her children invited Elf and Emperor to their party and really wanted them to come. They hadn't been to a party since preschool. We went a couple weekends ago, and the party was actually at Harvesters helping package food to feed the needy. It was great, and what a testimony that that little boy "I" wanted to feed others on his birthday. Bless ya all today and here's hoping I make sense!

3 comments:

  1. Best wishes and get wells and prayers and all of that. I would bring you some food if I lived close by!

    I am glad you had a decent experience at the hospital...except for that church-goer...sounds like material for a sitcom, but still unfortunate.

    See, you are not as mean as you say, look at all the nice things you said about the nurses!

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  2. Same here, if we were neighbors we could help each other out.
    I do help you are feeling better. Sometimes when we feel bad we kinda get neglected as Mamas. I guess that we are always looked at in a sort of "super Mom" kinda way. We gotta watch out for us too.

    Prayers all around friend.

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  3. Now Take it Easy!!!! Make sure that you get plenty of Rest. AND DON'T TRY AND DO TOO MUCH!!!!!!

    See all those capital letters and exclamation marks, that is me using my "Mother Voice"..You know the voice you use when you expect to be listened too.

    So just rest and be a 'taker' for a while,

    all the best xxxx Kim

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