23 April 2009

The Genie

One day, a genie appeared and thanked me for letting him out of his bottle. That's funny, I thought, as I didn't remember finding/rubbing this bottle. And the genie looks suspiciously like a Fred Flintstone Pez dispenser being held by a giggling Elf. I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, however, especially since it has just offered me a wish. Let's see...

I think I'd just like everyone to know Jesus. Have everyone in the world to be saved and go to Heaven. Ok, that's what I'm ordering.

"You can't have that," the genie tells me. "The Bible tells us not everyone's going to be saved, so you are asking something impossible."

No, I'm not!! What kind of genie are you? Genies aren't supposed to argue with their masters! I'm sure someone, SOMETIME in the past died and is going to Hell, so that part of the Bible is already fulfilled. I think I'm going to keep my wish. Go ahead, Genie. Let's see it. Mmm... now.

"Oh, but um... I'm... You'd... have to ask God that part. I'm not qualified to grant your wish. You'll have to ask for something else." And here the genie did a little dance on the bedsheets while shaking his candy-filled head "nope."

Ok. (Person) is sick and needs to feel better.

"I can't do that one either. You're asking for things only God can do! I'm a genie! You have to ask for THINGS like a new pencil, not 'people to be saved' stuff."

A million dollars, then. But that needs to be my after-tax income and no funny stuff, Genie.

"I can grant your wish!"

Yesss! Let's have it!

"...But not *quite* a million dollars, though. I can only give you about... let's see... four or five dollars."

I know times are tough, but that's Elf's bank, ya little thief! Now, where's that stack of money I ordered from you? No fair stealing from my kid, either.

"Can I go back in my bottle now? Things aren't going like I planned."


Non-troll comments always welcome! :)