22 June 2009

Fat People Are Fun to Pick On!

It's not ok to discriminate or be mean to anybody. It isn't even ok to think badly of anyone for any reason... unless that person's fat. Then it's ok to tell the person that all her health problems are a result of being a lazy fat-butt stuffing her face all day.

Oh, and marketing furniture for someone who is obese is just plain wrong. It's enabling that person to live a more normal life. Don't you see how evil that is?

We need to make all pants a size 12 or under. This way, if someone eats too much, she won't be able to exit the house until she goes on a diet. And don't make furniture for those people! They might sit down on it and get comfortable, rather than going to the gym 24 hours a day. Fat people don't deserve to sit, or eat, or rest. They must do penance for their pigginess all the time. Be sure to sneer at them if you catch 'em eating ice cream. You KNOW just by looking at these people that they have no self-control. They need some of that tough-love, positive peer pressure from the outside world to help them mend their ways.

We all know that if we make fat people furniture, that EVERYONE is going to want to be fat and start eating at the buffet twice a day (they arrive at the end of breakfast-time and eat through lunch for their first meal, but you knew that). I can tell you that I never personally considered the idea of getting a BMI of 48 until they made MRIs big enough for my butt to pass through.

I think it's time for a national campaign. We'll title it, "Just Say No to Second Helpings." That'll help.


  1. You are so funny! That is exactly how I feel every time the skinny partner at my doctor's office lectures me on eating. She actually goes through the whole spill on eating vegetables and portions. Number one she can't seem to remember she has told me this like 4 times already. Number two she assumes fat people are fat because they are stupid.

    Yea--last year some Australian politician was talking about limiting the sizes clothing stores can sell, because selling cute clothes for fat teenage girls only encourages them to stay fat. Incredible what some people think.

    Loved your post!

  2. *whew*

    I'm so glad you commented... the lack of comments was starting to make me wonder whether people thought I was really advocating this stuff LOL!

  3. I guess I can think of a few things that *might* (if one stretches) "encourage" or "enable" obesity. Seat belts? Plus-size clothing? Def not. Because the overweight totally don't deserve automotive safety or clothing.

    Americans are crazy. We wonder whether our celebrities are "pregnant" when they gain a much-needed 10 pounds while we are scarfing down 2000 calorie appetizers.


Non-troll comments always welcome! :)