I'm so tired of it. Elf and Emperor need to knock it off. They are constantly fighting over who gets to read more and who gets more cuddle time with their mom and I get complaints like, "I read a page with a picture, so that doesn't count as a whole page."
And of course, I get responses like, "But YOU went first with the reading time so **I** should get more pages..." followed by, "But YOU got to look at the pictures while you were reading, so **I** should get ten extra pages..."
And that is MYYYYYY pencil. Nevermind that it's a standard yellow pencil just like the other one; I just *sharpened* it. SO it's like you're making me DO ALL THAT WORK for free and it's NOT FAIR! I mean, really, it's five steps over to the electric pencil sharpener. You have to hold the pencil in the sharpener for 30 seconds or so. (I'm really worried about the kid getting traumatized over this horrible loss.)
And I know that the children in Haiti and the Sudan are weeping for Elf and Emperor because horror upon all horrors, we live in unsanitary conditions that would make them blanch with disgust. Elf touched his sock during school time and THEN TOUCHED HIS SCHOOLPAPER. I know. It's just so gross that it's hard for you to imagine. All the foot-sweat the kid must have been building up since his shower two hours before this incident... well, it's too terrible to contemplate.
But the ultimate - the ultimate, I tell you - awful thing happened today. Emperor wouldn't share his answers to questions like, "Who is unable to complete a perfect work of salvation from sin?" and "Why did Jesus Christ suffer and die for sinners though He had no sin and deserved no punishment?" Poor Elf was floundering on his own. He wanted to make sure he had just the right answer! It wasn't fair that Emperor wasn't sharing! I was cleaning the kitchen at the time and dealing with the telephone, so I told Emperor just to share already and went back to work.
By the time I got back, they were punching each other. Apparently, the answers to the Easter lesson are trade secrets that even Mom cannot command to be discussed openly. I think we need to call all the missionaries home now, because it's not fair other people are asking for the answers and not working to arrive at right doctrine on their own.
Um... I really let 'em have it. I'm not a screamer; I SING at my children when I am angry. If I'm really, really furious, I will clap my hands a lot with the singing. I figure it's better than beating the stuffings out of a kid, even if it does sound awful. I took 22 minutes (Emperor counted) to have a "discussion" with them about the error of their ways, and how they really should be in tears, repenting before God right now with lots of wailing because they were just *that* bad (Emperor's, "but wailing is annoying. Why can't I just talk to God?" got him an answer he didn't really want to hear at that point).
And how certainly, martyrs are dying *right now* to bring the gospel message to the heathen in the hinterlands (where? we never studied that place? *nasty look from Mom* No, I'm just asking!! ... show it to me on the map so I can look it up, ok? *gggrr* Um... I will ask you later... I ... guess... if I can remember later... ok, I'm listening now).
As I was saying, martyrs are dying *right now* to bring the gospel message to the hinterlands, and you can't even share a workbook page titled, "God is Love" with your brother?? Aaaa... waaahhhh... blah blah blah really lonnnnng lecture blah blah. Now you need to get this done and Emperor, you'd better help the Elf finish the work.
"But I can't write anymore!" Elf wailed. "Emperor took my *best* pencil!"
Arg. As I was saying... blah blah blah big lonnnnng lecture blah blah and you have FIVE OTHER PENCILS blah blah can we just get back to the schoolwork?
Of course, it only took ten minutes to complete three worksheets once they worked together.
After dinner, I told Elf and Emperor to sit at the kitchen table and get ready for reading time. Yay; my fave part of the day schoolwork-wise. Wouldn't you know it, though, as I was coming across the room to sit down I saw them fighting *AGAIN.*
"Oh, hiiiii!" Elf said smiling.
I see Emperor's smiling little face pop up behind the Elf. "What's going on?" I asked. I *know* I saw them jostling each other.
"We're best friends!" Elf said with delight. Emperor is nodding vigorously in the background.
"Oh, reeeeeeeallly?" Sarcasm is my forte.
"Yes. And Mom," he said in his little Elf voice, "We know that if we fight, you will come over and ask a lot of questions. So we have decided something. We don't want you to interfere with our disagreements. We have discovered that nothing good comes out of it."
Welll... should I have thanked him or told him I felt insulted?