What would you say to a teacher who objects to the fact that a parent doesn't give a consequence just as she feels would be best? A little first grader was kept in from the book fair for misbehaviour, but snuck off and got a book anyway.
Teacher calls mom. The mom says something along the lines of, she thought the book fair to be important, the other first graders were going, and please send the book he snuck out and got in his backpack tomorrow. The teacher then blogs that the parent, when the child is 16 and dragged to the front door by the cops because of drug use, will just blow the officers off because all the other kids are doing it.
Yeahhh. Allowing your kid to cave in to peer pressure and LOOK AT BOOKS is gonna lead to big trouble when he's older. You just wait and see, as this commenter suggests:
"Flash forward to when he's 40 & his mom says, 'Oh well, the other crazies told him he would be a loser if he didn't rape women & store their chopped up bodies in the chest freezer.' She needs to nip that in the bud right now!"
Another commenter commisserated, "Yikes, that would drive me CRAZY!!! I feel like I am constantly calling parents to tell them about what latest antic their child was up to, to which their response tends to be, 'I'll have a talk with him/her...' I always want to say, 'A talk?? I hope you'll actually DO SOMETHING!' Can be so frustrating..."
Ah, how right she is! Parents ought to outline the punishment(s) they plan to give to the child or better yet, *check* with the teacher to make sure the punishment is adequate and meets first grade state standards for character education.
Now see, it's lucky for her she didn't call me to back her up. You do NOT keep a kid in from the book fair or a field trip or a class party or anything of that nature unless something horrible is going on that warrants a phone call in the first place. That is just not right. It's manipulative and cruel. I won't back you up on this unless there is some very extreme circumstance.
I'd have told her that I wished she'd have called me before she kept my child in from the fair. I might have instilled some other relevant consequence at home, but it wouldn't be for her to know about or log down or what-have-you. Allow me to parent. I do parent. BUT... if you instill a consequence at school? I simply don't do the double jeopardy thing and punish someone twice for the same crime.
I could be reading this post entirely wrong, especially in light of the fact that I have no clue what the kiddo did. But my own history of dealing with angry closet-locking teachers, I think, has coloured me forever.
One commenter even wrote that we ought "bring back the paddle." And I'm sorry, but if this were my blog? I'd have quashed some of these commenters and said something along the lines of, "This post was a rant. I totally did not mean that this kid would be a druggie or that we oughtta beat the crap out of kids." And I would challenge my commenters to shut their freaking yaps or take it somewhere else.
Yes, I would. Hmm... I see I don't have quite as many commenters as she does... and that's ok by me. The ones I have are (aside from an occasional troll that needs to be kicked under the bridge) really nice people! :)
By the way... here's the post. I was reading through the archives and genuinely enjoying myself/thinking of following until I got to that one. Bummer.
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I don't think a teacher has any right at all to make such statements on her blog.
ReplyDeleteHow is she to know that a "talking to" isn't enough for some children? I know from personal experience that my grandchildren got a "talking to" on several occasions and the issue in question was very thoroughly discussed with right and wrong actions and consequences being pointed out.
Also, a teacher shouldn't really be discussing her students in such detail in the first place.
And I agree it's wrong to keep such a young child away from a book fair.
Just another reason I intend to homeschool.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but I just read it again. I really love the commenter who thinks this is a good example of why some parent's shouldn't be allowed to be parents. Do teachers seriously think this way? Have we actually made them responsible for so much now that they feel they are in a battle with parents over raising healthy children? That is so sad. I know a lot of parents do abdicate responsibility for their kids, but this post was a little harsh I thought. And if I were the parent of one of her students I would be really upset that she blogs like this about her students. It just seems truly wrong.
ReplyDeleteRiver, I can understand the teacher's being VERY frustrated with some parents; they say such things just to shut the teacher up and they don't really care what the kid does at school. Free childcare, you know. At the same time, that's exactly it: most of us, when we say we're going to deal with it, really DO.
ReplyDeleteAnd I remember the "talking to"s I got as a kid were most seriously unpleasant. I usually got talked to before a good walloping or having everything in the world taken away from me except my sheets and pillow (slight exaggeration but there you go).
Bonnie, I thought about that "some people shouldn't be parents" thing as being pretty outrageous as well, but usually I see such eugenics talk on news stories about extreme child abuse. When I hear it, it bothers me greatly. I can't see licensing parents as though they were puppies, though of course parenting is not a RIGHT if one is extremely abusive.
Not punishing your six- or seven-year old kid for sneaking to a book fair doesn't quite put it on that level for me.
BTW, I appreciate that this woman is not extremely catty and nasty about her students. I'd prefer she not blog about my children if she had them as students as well; however, she didn't leave any identifying information that could lead one to figure out who the child is exactly unless one were to recognize her from the pictures.
Overall, I actually think she did a reasonable job on this. Often I come across teacher blogs where the children receive nicknames like "Booger Boy" for a child who picks his nose, or "Pockets" for a child who is um, discovering himself in class.
I imagine there is a fine line for most teachers....a lot of parents DON'T parent/discipline. They leave it to the schools to teach not just the three r's but also manners and right from wrong. However, I think the parent should be given the first opportunity to decide punishment...and who cares whether the teacher agrees with it or not?? I have to say, my MOST favorite thing in the world is a teacher full of parenting and discipline advice when they have no kids. lol That would be like me telling a pilot how to fly a plane just because I have seen a lot of them in the sky and at airports.
ReplyDeletePeople need to think about what they are blogging. Do they not realize it is for all to see?
ReplyDeleteAt first I was VERY upset that a teacher would keep a child from a bookfair. However, as I read the blog I saw they were just keeping the child from the fair THAT DAY and told him he could go the next day. I softened a bit then.
Nevertheless, blogging frustrations regarding children you teach is not very professional. The teacher and parent need to sit down and have an open discussion, leaving the world of internet out of the loop.