Skip to main content

Grendel Goes to Wal-Mart

(By Emperor.  Based on his modern interpretation of the Beowulf character. Reprinted with permission.)

One day, in a bog, Grendel ate his breakfast. Later he said to his dad, "I'm tired of cooked mortal meat EVERY day! We should get some raw!"

Then his dad said, "Fine, then we go shopping!" So they left Grendel's mom home and went on foot to Wal-Mart. Grendel asked his dad if he could eat a customer while his dad shopped. Dad thought and said, "If the manager is not watching and only one." He also warned Grendel to wash his hands after he ate because Mom doesn't like blood on her carpet.

Well, something came on the news at Grendel's home while they were out. The news reporters were speaking of a missing customer. They talked about some bones on the floor and they say it may be some evidence for us wise reporters and detectives.

Grendel's mom panicked. "My poor innocent Grendel is at that store!"

She drove like a speeder to the Wal-Mart parking lot. In her hurry, she forgot to dress up and she only had her underwear on. When she got out of the car, some customers just ignored her thinking that she was a crazy person.

She ran into the store and took a look at the evidence. She saw no claws, so she reasoned that Grendel just ate another customer. She went looking for Grendel and his dad. She eventually found Grendel's dad alone with a worried look on his face. She yelled, "What's going on?!"

"Grendel is on an Easter hunt," he said. "He is hoping to get a big chocolate bunny for dessert."

"Ok, let's get out of here, then," she said. They found Grendel eating the bunny without checking it out. They put the bunny back on the shelf half-eaten. Then they got a new one and checked out.


  1. Please email me! I have a question about your blog! :)

  2. Oh this is very funny! I'm grinning from ear to ear.
    Well done Emperor.

  3. Great job! I love it that his mom drove like a 'speeder'. ;)


Post a Comment

Non-troll comments always welcome! :)

Popular posts from this blog

Reading Curriculum: ABeka Book and BJU Press

Did you know that in the state of Missouri, homeschoolers must teach reading as a separate subject?  I don't know how anyone could homeschool well without teaching their child to read... but OK. 

I got many of my ABeka books used and collected them over time.  I'm glad I came across these readers early in my homeschooling years.  It teaches children to read step-by-step.  I don't think I've seen a more effective reading program for the elementary years.  The children love the stories, and what I appreciate about them is that there is a rich and varied language even in simple-to-read books in this series. 

My set is pretty old, and some are even from the 1960's and no longer listed in the reading series.  I think if I had to do things over again somehow, I think I'd just spend on a curriculum set and be done with it.  That's the thing, though, with homeschooling.  By the time you figure out what the perfect curriculum is for you, your children have graduate…

Homeschooling is NOT So Hard.

I wish I'd have known this starting out. I wish I'd have known that it's actually LESS work to just homeschool your child, than to be an "involved parent" at school.

We've enjoyed elementary school with our older boys. *Most* of the teachers were actually pretty competent and caring (the others, I save for another blog post, another day...). We had the children involved in extra activities like the Spanish Club or Service Club, or choir, and they got a fair bit out of the experience.

But it's a LOT of work.

You get about a ton of worksheets that must be done by a certain time. Usually on a day when you're sick or have no time. You get the phone calls about this or that, and about a zillion sheets per day that sometimes contain important news, so you MUST go through them daily. The schools also *love* to throw in half days, teacher in-service days and early dismissals. Not so bad, unless you have children at more than one school and the schedu…

Holiday Gifts for the Homeschool Teacher!

Merrymaking hint:  leave this post up on your phone/ computer for your family to "accidentally" find!  Let the magic begin!

 All teachers love a little appreciation every now and then, including homeschoolers.   I don't know about you, though, but I don't want any apple crap.  So first rule:  no apple crap! 

Otherwise I'm pretty open.  I love getting gifts, even if it's just something small or simple.  One thing I love is when my children want to help out and make lunch or clean up or put their laundry away.  Or just behave themselves and get their math done.  This is a really big thing when you think about it.  

And from the adults in my life, the gift of coffee always shows love - or rather, someone not wanting an "I need coffee" emergency in the middle of winter after a big snowstorm.  Somehow, I always have a lot of coffee in my pantry during the winter months.  (Guess why.) Thanks, D! 

My gallery of homeschool appreciation pics: