Contrary to popular wisdom, I do not "tomato stake" my children, but let them run about town doing whatever they want. If only I were a better parent!! I've missed my chance. What you need to do to be a great mom in some philosophies is get a medium sized blanket when the child is small. When he starts to leave the blanket, tell him firmly, "no" one time. Next time? Wallop.
Next time? Wallop.
Next time? Wallop.
Next time? Wallop.
..."accompany it with a gentle, but firm tap on the diaper. Repeat, with reasonable pauses, until your baby listens. Do not let him do anything else until he obeys."
Doggone it, but I'm a lazy, lax ol' mom and I just strip rooms bare and gate the crawlers inside with me. Then we watch tv and eat cheerios off a small carpet sample mat together. I rotate toys. I send children into the area to play horsey or ring-a-rosy while I clean the kitchen or whatever. I just don't go to all the necessary work I'd have to do to make the children mind me perfectly next to knives or knick-nacks... I confine them to safety-gated rooms or spend time in other rooms with the younger ones only when I have the energy to run after them constantly.
Confession over. I imagine I'm not the only one who can't be bothered training children properly. Thanks for listening!
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Look Out, Dad!!
My father is the purple dot above the blue weather station. He's juuust outside Milton's evacuation zone. Well! My brother and I jus...
Gosh, who has the energy for the blanket thing? Sheesh.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I wonder if it still counts if your blanket is larger than your room's floor...
Well, if you have a big blanket like that, it's tent time. Break out the marshmallows!!
ReplyDeleteI ascribe to some of the principles such as consistent discipline, but I just don't carry it to this extent. I suppose this idea would work well with a good-natured neurotypical child.
Otherwise, I see very easily where overzealous parents could literally lose their minds trying to handle things like the Jones' do.
Well, here's a different perspective on that. It might not be an issue of being 'overzealous', but of family lifestyle. I know that sometimes it is overzealousness, but I'd like to offer another POV.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, my dh and I are DIYers. We always lots of craft and carpentry projects going on, which means lots of power tools, nails, screws, sewing and knitting needles, hot glue guns...etc lying around.
So I did train my kids to respond to the word "No" in much the same way as the blanket method you describe recommends.
Since kids like to do what Mommy and Daddy are doing, we taught them the proper use of all these tools and utensils, and they can safely and effectively use knives, drills, bandsaws, skilsaws... depending on their size and ability. But I don't worry about my 6 yob deciding to fasten his brother to the wall with the nailgun, KWIM?
I also know some farming families that approach training kids the same way, and again- it's about safety, not about making kids into mind-numbed robots. My family lived so far out in the boonies that I had a loaded rifle behind my bedroom door from the time I was 8 yo. It was a necessity, because the cops were 45 minutes away, and also because there were stray dogs who tried to attack our animals once in awhile.
So I don't look at families who choose a particular child training method over another as being lazy or overzealous, because they just might be doing what works for where they live and nurtures their family.
One thing I *liked* about the website was the idea that Mom and Dad should not be screaming NO or breaking the child's spirit. So, hopefully I haven't given the impression that this method is abusive for ALL kids in all situations.
ReplyDeleteBut, we deal with autism here, and I can VERY EASILY see this methodology misapplied to children and abuse (which wouldn't be abuse in a neurotypical child because the kid would *quit* the behaviour way earlier... do you follow?) would be the result.
I've heard of the "Pearl" method being used on autistic kids and death resulting when the "disobedient" child is tied down.
I suppose I write posts like this out of absolute frustration that no one really understands the "bratty" autistic behaviours. Without making excuses for the problem, I'll have to say that I'm picking my battles very very very selectively because I have so many...
Right now, all our couches are against the wall and our big lesson of the day is not diving off said couches onto the floor.
Sigh.
BTW, for what it's worth it's much LESS abusive to spank a kid for trying to play with a nailgun you don't want touched than dealing with the consequences. But I guess I did not put into context how much it FRUSTRATES me to see websites like this trotted out, when the techniques will not work as outlined with special-needs little ones.
Though, in all candor, I have used a somewhat similar method on Patrick. I get lots of compliments on Patrick this or that, and he was waaaaayyy easier to train than any of the others.
The others, I get to hear about this or that "difficulty" and "areas we need to work on" all the time, and I'm about to scream. ;]
Oh, I think it's a great idea to teach autistic kids to do as much as they can for themselves. It just isn't always practical. (I should know.)
ReplyDeleteThe poor man has probably just been "through it" with everyone else's reaction all around him, and then to go to this website (whatever it is...) and find out how "easy" it is to follow this method was probably the spark that set him off.
You know, often when we flip out, we're really not flipping out about the thing we think we're flipping out about?
I find myself doing that, anyway. I find myself overburdened and underacknowledged and then to read some stupid parenting magazine's "six tricks for easy potty training" or the like is enough to make me claw the ceiling.
So, I DO know what you mean, but personally, I *get* where this fellow is coming from because it often feels like ALL the trains are leaving the station without us!!