Yesterday, G informed me that instead of staying after school for chess club, he'll just mosey on over and make up a "detention" he has to serve. Why? Oh, um, for being tardy to class. Well, I'd better leave my nose out of why he's tardy all the time; it's obvious. But I informed him that in another year and a half, when it's no longer possible for him to walk home from school, that he'll have to pay the standard $5 fee for Mom picking you up when it's an extra trip that wasn't scheduled ahead of time (and if you think I'm picking you up from DETENTION for free if you schedule your misbehaviour ahead of time, well... I'm not... so stop thinking it...)
Oh, no, he can walk the three miles, he says. Across major highways. I told him no. And before you think of it, G, NO you will not get rides from friends.
"Well, you just want money from me all the time!" G explodes. *raging meltdown*
Um, yes, I do. I want lots of money from him, and that is why I am giving him a stinkin' year and a half notice that I won't be doing this for free. I've somehow PLOTTED the district boundaries ahead of time so that I can cash in on his serving this mythical detention a year and a half from now... that he hasn't "earned" yet. AAargh.
My son Woodjie is non-verbal. I'd give about anything to have him speak spontaneously. I'd like him to tell me that he would prefer a puzzle to the doodle board he's been given rather than rolling around in circles, hitting his head and screaming. It might even lead me to giving him the puzzle sooner, so it's a win-win situation.
We love G. G is autistic, but he can speak well enough that you fool yourself that everything is ok. But he doesn't get some things in life yet. Hey, why don't you throw some things out the window of a moving bus so you can be cooool. I dare ya and I'll watch, his "friends" say. (OK, so he gets *what* for being so cooool?) Things like that happen in the "discernment" department. No fair telling me that we should just practice these situations and this stuff will get all better. Or that we should have a talk about how this or that action will have an effect. Sure, we do those things. But please understand that the nature of autism is that it doesn't always sink in the same way it would for you or me NEXT TIME he's confronted with the same sort of situation. You'd think he's "smart enough" to "know better," and I sure wish it worked that way. For his sake, if nothing else.
But he's ashamed to be autistic and refuses to talk about it. I wish I could give a couple kids at the local school a talking-to and tell them hey, that hand flapping thing isn't a gay thing. It's an autistic thing. He doesn't want to tell you that. Not that it's your business either way when you're a dork and tease him, but please shut up and stop announcing that somehow you understand all about his sexuality because of his stims. Because that's a little weird on your part.
G doesn't want the special seats or things to play with during class to keep his attention on his work. Oh, noooo. That would call attention to his autism in a way that exploding, being unable to handle things and getting sent to the "buddy room" and the principal on a regular basis never could. Right?
I don't say this often, but he needs to be out and proud on the autism thing. He's not going to handle life any other way, and you can't advocate for yourself without explaining to the other person a little about your situation. Just courtesy talking here. I wouldn't make a special rule for you "just because" if I were your new boss, or your new friend. Explain what's going on. I'm talking to him about this, but he's not quite getting what I'm saying.
Ah, but he's autistic. Hard for him to explain to someone else what's going on. Ok. His teachers would wonder, how about we help out... since you lose your papers all the time, (oh! ok, or *almost always with the exception of that one thing you turned in last week* you're right... sorry! I suppose we shouldn't overgeneralize), the friendly people at the school are ready to go through your binder WITH you every day to find them.
AAAA... no, he says, no one can touch his stuff. But no, he can't go in that binder and look for it. And why are you judging him on whether he got the paper turned in? You're just not trusting me that I got it done and it's not fair *insert big meltdown here*
Crap. The school really is trying with him, and I'm afraid of what's going to happen if all this keeps up. He functions too well for help sometimes, and not well enough even to deal with things even in the special ed class other times. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to this. He's verbal so he should just be able to TELL ME what's going on. Nope. The answer is that the teacher bothered him, or Mom and Dad are just being big jerks, or it's all Emperor's fault for the thing he said or bleh... whatever. I wish I could go ask my online friends to make up a reason, kind of like those "make a caption to this picture" contests. This way I might just get a reason that makes sense, and even some that are funny.
So, fine. I will just see G after detention. Time to homeschool and look at my best friends on the blogggs. Mmm.
Stupid email system. I hate getting emails from the school. G got a **47** in math?? As his overall grade? In special ed??? And he's doing math Elf and Emperor just *finished* in homeschool?? Aargh. I'm hitting the forward button and sending this one to D.
Back to the blogggs.
Hi, it's principal W from (school) how are you?
Um, you tell me how I am...? What's going on? (LOL they can't kick *me* out of school, now, can they?)
"Well, I have G here in my office and" he launches into a song and dance about G's behaviour. I almost want to stop him after the first sentence and go, "Is it gonna be script A, B, or C, or some minor variation, because we're both very busy people..." but I don't. It would be rude. But this one was script B, the standard "talk to your kid 'cuz I don't know what else to do."
Poor principal W. Poor me. Well, ok, lemme talk to him.
Hi. Having trouble?
G relates he's upset about how everything's fine and he told Mr. W he could go back to class and nothing is wrong but he won't listen...
Um, ok. (not gonna argue!) So you can go to class and be good? Because you can't serve your detention unless you calm down... I'd have to get you. (NO I didn't mention the $5 fee then!!)
Ok, hand the phone back. And off he goes.