12 October 2009

The *Love* Poem.

A friend once described me as being "uppity and sarcastic," probably because she has never met Patrick.

Ohhhh, my, Patrick is worse than all those arrogant professors you had in college on a bad day when they're desperate to impress a colleague with their mean wit. He can absolutely floor you with his answers, and he doesn't even need the little tweed coat with the leather patches on the elbows or little reading glasses perched on his nose to make you feel inferior. If I wanted someone to, say, write something that would be sure to alienate a potential girlfriend, I'd ask Patrick to write it for me.

Patrick might be writing love poems for a friend to pass off as his own, he told me when he arrived home from school. And he might be getting paid to do it. (Patrick? LOVE poem? *snort inwardly here*)

"How much are you getting paid, Patrick?"

Well, I'm not saying I AM doing this for money, he said. I just said I miiiight be. (Ok, so he's being a smartie and teasing Mom at this point...)

"What's in the poem?" I asked.

"What poem? You have a poem?"

(He's good at this game.) You know, the poem he might have written and might get paid to do by a friend? That poem? Round and round we go on this for a bit until he feeels like answering...

Yep, he's probably getting money for it but doesn't want to admit it because Mom has- no kidding - about $1.47 counting the kitchen knick-knack drawer pennies because she hasn't been to the bank. But I know Patrick has this sort of zing-y sarcastic wit that can be hilariously insulting. He finally got around to describing his literary opus that begins with smoochy gushing over the young lady's beautiful brown eyes and ends with some sort of night of yowling passion.


Maybe Old Mom should not ever, never-never-never, ask a question unless she is truly prepared for the answer. Now I'm left wondering if some poor girl is receiving a love note at this very moment from some lovestruck young man... that was really written by my studiously innocent child who had better not have any idea that "passion" could refer to anything but Jesus's death on the cross. He's only 16, and at that age I was...


Ok, I think I'll settle for the poetry.


  1. Yup, settle for the poetry. Very cute post. Loved it! I think Patrick really wants to go to China.

  2. You? Sarcastic? Noooo....

    Actually, I grew up with siblings where we were all sarcastic and stinkers to the max. My dad is gray because of me.

    Your son sounds like my sister. She is still that way at 33 and we all love her for it. She's hilarious. (Except when she really is mad. She can deliver some mean insults)

  3. My love poems used to be rather awkward as well.

    I think I've gotten a little better...


  4. You have a sarcastic son?

    Huh. Must take after his dad.

  5. You know that you are REQUIRED to post it once he writes it.

    I bet it is hee-haw funny. Kinda reminds me of Roxanne with Steve Martin and think something similar by that Shakespeare guy.

    He better be careful she doesn't actually fall in love with him. hehe

  6. I am with the Zookeeper.

    I NEEEEEEEED to know what Patrick has written.

  7. Bwa! Thanks Bonnie! I'm settling!

    Virginia, I'm sure you were always sweet and nice. My, my but everyone else around you I'm not so sure about... (Ok, won't go there LOL)

    Deb, you must be right!! That was a really cute barb there. :P

    Zookeeper, I promise that if I can find the literary work in question that I will pass along the hee-haw funniness. I have a feeling though that it's been sold. Which is just so wrong on so many levels.

    Art should belong to all! LOL

    LOL Me too Nikki. I really wanna knooooowwwww...

  8. (everyone gone?)

    Luke... I'm sure that Brittany appreciates your improvement. :]

    How sweet.

  9. We must be related as I grew up always trying to think of the best sarcastic, snide remark for my parents. Yes, it's true. I was a smartash...If he ever matures he'll realize it's not the best subject to dwell on...


Non-troll comments always welcome! :)