31 October 2009

Star Trek Homeschooling.

When I first began homeschooling my little Elf, I thought that "homeschooling" was really all about teaching the kid to read and write. He may even learn to balance a checkbook eventually and fill out job applications and that sort of thing. I had no idea that I was doing it all wrong.

You see, I wasn't Thomas Jefferson homeschooling. Homeschooling on the Trivium. Classical homeschooling. Charlotte Mason homeschooling. Enki homeschooling. Anything you could imagine out there from "public schooling at home" - schooling to UNschooling. You need a special name to fit in here, folks.

And I'm just not fitting in anywhere here... so just for fun, I'm going to make up "Star Trek Homeschooling." Read along and decide which character suits you! We Star Trek Homeschoolers can't be a monolithic sort of group, you know. That's why it's called the Federation of Star Trek Homeschoolers when we get together for conventions each year. Not *all* of us wear the Vulcan ears or speak fluent Klingon, you know.

We'll start off with Red Shirt Homeschooling. I'm usually not one to tell parents what to do, but I do NOT think this is the sort of homeschooling you want to do. I know the guys in the Red Shirts appear frequently in the Star Trek episodes, but not for long. If you suspect that you are a Red Shirt Homeschooler, I would nix the interplanetary field trips for a while until you get more bridge experience and the viewers get attached to you.

Dr. McCoy Homeschooling: "Dammit, Jim, the school system is dead!" This is the "Party of NO" in homeschooling... we all know them. They're the homeschoolers who homeschool only because they think the system is bad or because they object to this or that. They're pretty ok people, really, and like Dr. McCoy, they have a lot of strong feelings about issues, unlike...

Spock Homeschooling. It's logical. It's ordered. It's great for large families because the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one, or the few. Big family moms get this concept, even if they don't speak it outright. They'll tell you that they love each child equally, and that each child gets 14.8 minutes of undivided attention each day... but... I'm thinking they're saying this because all the *other* moms keep saying this... and they don't want to be the oddball who says that it doesn't really work that way.

Uhura Homeschooling. Mostly because of the cool name. Uhura is smart, pretty, and she communicates well, but she can and will kick your butt if she is threatened. Don't mess with her.

"It's going to take me six YEARS to finish that curriculum, Captain! There's nae way I can do it by June!" Welcome to the world of Scotty Homeschooling! Study technical manuals in your spare time and make up crazy estimates for project due dates. Fun.

And finally, Captain Kirk homeschooling. Be adventurous in about any way you can imagine, and probably a few you can't. Go shirtless! Do things your way, because YOU are the Captain and you said so! Follow the Federation manual to the letter when it suits you and when it doesn't? How convenient that you were out of contact range with Headquarters when a major decision that affected the course of the entire universe had to be decided... My bad. But the Captain always does the right thing. And he gets to wear velour... mmm... velour.

18 comments:

  1. I want to see pictures of your school uniforms . . . :-)

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  2. LOL They're not red, I can tell you that...

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  3. LOVE this! I was s major Trekkie before I decided to go no cable... first because I couldn't afford it and then because I realized how much more I got done without it.

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  4. I need to feed my kids and occasionally wash their clothes, so I had best not get cable myself! :]

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  5. NOT a Trekkie fan. We use the Gandalf method here: when in doubt blast it into kingdom come with your staff. Works for me every time! ☺

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  6. Ganeida, when someone messes up in homeschool, do you take a large staff, slam it onto the ground and scream, "You shall not pass!"?

    Just wondering.

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  7. This is so funny. Have you seen the new Star Trek movie? I would definitely be a Captain Kirk homeschool person. No red shirts.

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  8. We do Klingon Homeschooling. Bahahahaha.

    I love it. Actually, we would probably go along the Vulcan lines. Can we be part of your Star Trekkies Homeschooling group? Are there fees due? Do we have meet ups?

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  9. Ganeida, when someone messes up in homeschool, do you take a large staff, slam it onto the ground and scream, "You shall not pass!"?

    Do you think it would work?

    Exactly. I tried the *my preciousssss* method but Ditz just gave me *the Look*. She's more entraced by the treestomping method. Wrecks havoc with the floor.

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  10. LOL NO, Bonnie, I hadn't seen it! Need to have friends like you to keep me up-to-date on these things.

    Nikki, I will miss the live worms you eat for lunch, then. :P I would *love* to charge a fee and hold meetings but I have a feeling the Federation will ask for a piece of the action if I do that...

    Ganeida, when the boys solve a math problem incorrectly (say, they gave me how long something took to do instead of how much it cost to go), I tell them that the sneaky hobbits who wrote the curriculum tricksed them again. LOL

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  11. I'd probably be the one no one likes! I mainly homeschool because I don't like the schools. I've been through too much with them and they've lost my trust. I'm very much learning how to homeschool and how to do it effectively. Fun also! I need lots of work I'm sure so I don't have to rely so much on things being laid out for me.

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  12. You crack me up [smile].

    ~Luke

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  13. I think. I may have. A Captain Kirk. Homeschool. :o)

    My kids read your post over my shoulder. Love it! Although I need to admit that I am more a fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Captain Picard homeschooling: Try to meet the Federation's requirements, but make sure you set aside some time for imaginative play on the holodeck. :o)

    Peace and Laughter!

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  14. Virginia, you and I both have had "stuff" with our kids on the spectrum at public schools. Not all schools can do the right thing by all kids. I think being a "NO" person at least defines those boundaries... :P

    Luke, I hope your homeschooling is going well with the littles!

    Jugglingpaynes, if we're talking Next Generation, I would LOVE to be a "Q" homeschooler if I only could. Imagine, teaching your kids to stop time and mess with entire planets and stuff. I mean, with Q homeschooling, you MAKE the rules.

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  15. No mention of Borg Schooling? "Resistance is futile". I would say we are Uhura and Captain Kirk schoolers. I will kick butt if someone messes with my crew and we love to try and go where no man has gone before. Exploration is a wonderful thing. This is a great post.

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  16. Resistance is futile... Bwa ha haaa... I'll have to use that one sometime...

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  17. Didn't know you're a Star Trek fan. Glad you finally came out of the closet.

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  18. I was googling the terms Homeschool, Blog, and Trekkie to see if there were any other moms like me out there and I found this post! It's very clever. However, I feel a like a bit of a failure: I don't know which Star Trek character is inspiring our homeschool style. I'll have to mull it over.

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Non-troll comments always welcome! :)