26 November 2009

Teen Fun at the Mrs. C House

Whoever said that "life's a b*$$ and then you die" was wrong. The correct saying, my friends, is that "life is an autistic teenager and then you clean up the stupid pieces of the stuff he's breaking everywhere so no one cuts their feet open on the shards. Then you go and try to convince him that this is not ALL Mom and Dad's fault when HE was the one throwing it. And YES I mean to punish you even though it was your stuff that got broken! And JUST because Mom and/or Dad said something that made you angry, does NOT mean you have the right to act like a wompus-brain."

Well, ok. Maybe the first saying is a little more concise and universally applicable. Anyway... Thanksgiving (and for that matter, many days!) at our house look more like Stuart Smalley's descriptions of family life than normal everyday livin'. So say a prayer, would ya? G actually went to bed at 7:30 because causing a ruckus on a regular basis can get doggone exhausting. I'm up past 11 p.m. because living with a ruckus can set you on edge. I feel doggone exhausted in the morning, but the "nuggets are tough" as I tell my children when life doesn't go their way.

Now on to Patrick. We love Patrick. Momma's sweet little Patrick hurt his thumb terribly badly at school a few weeks back. I got a VERY concerned call from the high school school nurse. Now, how bad do things have to be for the high school nurse to see a male child in the office AND be allowed by said child to call his home? Pretty bad (if you didn't know the answer). We ran off to the doctor for x-rays and I was pretty worried. What does he MEAN, he's "not sure" how he hurt it? This could be serious, folks.

And in fact, it was just a sprain. But some young man was unable to do jobs properly for a couple weeks and was in some genuine pain. It troubled me that he had no clue how this happened.

Did you know Patrick has a blog? I'm not allowed to link to it, but you could probably figure it out if you click around diligenly enough and/or know his real first name. Anyway, it's mostly silly stuff such as how to draw smilies, yo mama jokes and some guy winning the Nobel Peace Prize:

"Warning: Any references to major political characters are completely unintentional, please do not be offended.

Warning: Coffee may be hot

Joebama sat and twiddled his fingers. He was forced to sit and watch another loser get the Glodal Peace Prize. He wanted to get back home and play video games. His favorite video game was, by far, World of Warcraft. He loved wrecking havoc on poor souls by declaring war. This also helped his career as Military Chief Assassin.

Just then, out of the blue, came a voice from heaven. "Purely for the sake of irony, I decree Joebama shall win the coveted Global Peace Prize."

Then, everyone applauded and bowed to the great and mighty Joebama. He strode to the stage where some old person gave him his prize.

"Thank You!" Joebama shouted to the microphone, "I deserve this award, you don't. The end. But I didn't do it alone. I would like to thank all those fools... uh... people who voted me supreme chancellor in time of war."

"Here is your money." the old guy said, trying to hand millions of dollars in small bills.

"You can keep it, sucker. I'm the president, I can just steal... uh... tax the people."And with that, he ran from the stage, out the doors, and to the White House, with his bodyguards still trying to catch up.

/end quote.

YES, this is the sort of humour we must deal with on a regular basis, and it knows no political or religious boundaries. Annnyway... he has a blog. And I see his friend, who also has a blog, is following his blog.

I am a stalker mom or something, because I trailed over to the friend's blog and watched allll the videos his buddy was posting. And...

THE HURT THUMB MYSTERY IS SOLVED! But not as I would have expected. Momma's sweet little Patrick-woozle, snuzzle muffin cuddle dude, was ON FILM bullying this other kid on several occasions. No kidding. It's a good thing the high school doesn't have this or he'd be suspended or something. The other kid? After many threats, just slammed his hand down onto the table. "OW MY THUMB!" is audible there somewhere.

I have half a mind to make the kid pay the medical bills and reimburse me for my time and trouble, taking his sorry butt to the doctor. But I'm more upset that he wasn't kind in the video. D says boys are all like that at that age.

(Do I still have a chance to raise Elf and Emperor better than this? Gracious, bad week for old Mom!)

In other news, "your face" is a big comeback among the teen set. For reallio. So. Say you're talking about chicken nuggets and how many are in a 10 piece chicken nugget meal.

"Chicken nuggets? Yo FACE is chicken nuggets!"

Now see how that really made you feel insulted and inferior? It's almost like the "your face" argument is an automatic verbal-boxing winner. Of course, I'm old-fashioned and am more partial to the "I'm rubber, you're glue" standby.

4 comments:

  1. I don't know which is worse teenage boys or teenage girls? Feeling your pain Mrs. C--sorry it was such a bad week. Hoping next week is better! I thinking making Patrick and G pay for their actions is a good and reasonable thing to do.

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  2. Stuart Smalley's descriptions of family life than normal everyday livin' . . .

    Snort. Chuckle. Yeah. Sounds like eating dinner with my family (extended, not the ones at home).

    Sorry for the lousy week. As the mother of three teenagers, I can commiserate with confidence.

    Meanness. I don't care whether it's a normal phase or not. I have zero tolerance for it. Jeremiah (oldest) once told a friend within my hearing that he'd be better off getting arrested for under aged drinking and getting thrown in jail for it than getting caught being unkind. He wasn't far off.

    A hundred years ago sixteen year olds went hunting and off to war, etc and were able to define themselves as men at a lot younger age. Now they're kind of stuck unless they play sports so some of them have a little more difficulty with finding acceptable alternatives. It still doesn't make it okay.

    At about the age of fourteen, my oldest dug a lot of fence posts and picked up a lot of rocks for his "sins" (demonstrations of strength at the expense of younger siblings). And his unsupervised "play time" was severely limited ("You demonstrated that you're not ready for the responsibility yet. We'll try again in a month. Open your mouth and it will be two). We also made sure he made restitution to the person he'd bullied.

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  3. What fun teenagers can be. NOT.
    I am THANKFUL ... 6 down...only two to go.

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