(Oddish is actually a Pokemon, you know.)
Dinner is interesting at my house. Emperor is raising his Cheez Ball into the air. "Whosoever finds Moby Dick gets this Cheez Ball dubloon!" he announces. Elf tries to snatch the ball, but "Captain Ahab" claims the dubloon for himself. It's his whale, you know. Chomp, chomp, chomp. Even Girlie is having a great time making noise with the "dubloons." Woodjie is crying and feeling left out. Poor kid is allergic to milk and eggs and Fritos just aren't the same.
After dinner, I'm drying my hands on the towel I keep looped around our fridge door when I notice Elf cringing. I hadn't beaten him yet today, so I was wondering what was up with the kid. He looked as though God Himself were going to smite him on the head just then.
What's up with that, Elfie??
"Well..." Elf is backing up a few steps now and wrinkling his nose. "Patrick wiped up cat barf off the floor and then hung the towel back on the fridge!"
Eeeew. You know Patrick left TEN DAYS AGO for China, don't you??
(Though I'm sure this is NOT the same hand towel he used, I have a few questions. How long was it hanging up? Who used it? Did they touch my clothes/ face/ anything in the universe after touching barf? We *do* change them when they get obviously soiled, overly wet, or time just plain old passes and I just feeeel that I want a new towel. But yuck. I wonder about which dish I might have touched with cat barf remnant on my hand. Did I eat something when I had cat barf on my hand? It's hard to tell when you have to change a 45-pound kid's poop three times a day. Just saying.)
New rule: you simply *must* tell Mamma right away when you notice a cat barf, poop, or just plain old "gross" situation.
"OH," he replied. "I meant to tell you. But you were very busy at that moment." Arg. Okayyy... but maybe ten days is a little long, Elf... eeeww...
Or this. This. You will love this one. We are all at the hospital so that G can get a checkup. Imagine me rounding up Mr. Overwhelmed Elf and NonVerbal Woodj, and Jumpy Girly who wants to play with flu-ey kids. G is rolling his eyes about and getting embarrassed to be seen near Mr. Hello Kitty Shorts.
Yep. Emperor has just emerged from the unisex bathroom, so in I go to wash a booger off my hands. (Eew. No. It wasn't mine. Don't ask!) The entire toilet is clogged with paper towels... it looks like some horrid vomiting volcano. You know I have to ask Emperor about it.
Oh, that. Yes, he did that. He didn't see a trash can nearby, so...
And what's really bad is, this reasoning makes PERFECT SENSE to him! No amount of making up new rules will get him to quit doing silly things like this! I should just be grateful that he has stopped smelling strangers and asking people if they know that he is now eight years old and is really a baby giant etc etc... but my. I have to inform the receptionist about this mess (it's clogged!) whilst trying to corral Woodjie/ G, stop touching Girlie... Meanwhile, Elf is reading *very loudly* one of the murder scenes in The Picture of Dorian Grey to the entire waiting room. I don't know what it is about reading time. Every time I manage to bring all the books because I don't want idle hands doing the devil's work, we come across the entirely wrong scenes in the book in public. The guillotine scene in Tale of Two Cities was especially fun at the allergist's awhile back. We had a lady get up and move to the other side of the room for that one after Elf stood and shouted, "DEATH to all aristocrats!"
At least he was in character. But I'm thinking that we need a special "travelling" book to read aloud when we go places titled, "Happy Flowers in Flowerland" or "How to Behave in Public." Somebody tell me I'm not alone in having things like this happen on a regular basis. Please.