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The Secret of the Shoe

Once upon a time long, long ago, Elf and Emperor accidentally busted a beanbag full of rice. Instead of ohh, I don't know, cleaning it up with a broom or asking for help, they decided the best thing to do would be to hide it here in this slipper so that they wouldn't get into "trouble." It was supposed to be a *secret,* they told me. I was never supposed to find out. I guess they thought I would NEVER go into their closet, or that winter would never get here next year, necessitating my sorting through our slipper and shoe collection. How logical.
"What else was supposed to be a secret?" I asked them. Welllll, they broke my plastic flute. See? Elf tried to tape it, but it doesn't really work. Ok, I had them throw that into the trash.
Anything else? Umm... they collect little plastic beads, they told me. I had them show them to me and sure enough, their "collection" is really evidence that Emperor's stuffed "Torchik" animal was leaking little white pellets ALL OVER THE HOUSE. I sewed this. Siiigh.
"Ok. Elf, now that I've cleaned the slipper out, please try it on." Elf absolutely refused, claiming Emperor peed in the slipper as well!
"DID YOU??" I asked Emperor.
"No! I NEVER peed in any shoe of any kind, ever!"
Ok, so what did you pee into? And Emperor brought me some household items "that nobody was using." And nobody WILL be using. I called D in to come listen to the revelations I was hearing here and do you know what he did? He just sent everyone to bed, that's what. I guess I can understand his perspective. I was kinda wondering what the NEXT secret would be... D says he doesn't want to know. Ever.


  1. This had me laughing out loud, but I want you to know that it was only because I've been there. Now I know why my mother would hold up her hand after a revelation (or two) and say, "You know what? I don't want to know. Consider this your moment of grace. If you broke it, fix it. If you lost it, find it. And if you're lying, go tell God."

  2. Good Gravy, Mrs. C.

    It's always unnerving when they over-qualify something, isn't it? "No, I didn't your SHOE"

    I just hope that a squad of insects did not find that rice stash. That would be entirely unpleasant.

  3. Oooooooooo, Lordy Miz Maudy!
    Yep, I'm with D and Mary - don't be asking for the revelations too often cos you might not wanna know.
    Just remember what the Book of Revelations is like and there's your answer!

  4. My two youngest brothers used to get disoriented at night and pee in my sisters closet instead of going into the bathroom. She cleaned and wore the shoes. We were a very large family and couldn't afford to keep buying new shoes.

  5. Just wait until they tell you the secrets the vow not to tell until they are safely into adulthood!


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