27 January 2012

Tips for Homeschool Fakers.

"And while I'm sure that you (name), are a responsible homeschooler, I've met women over the years that are basically pretending to homeschool and teaching their children almost nothing, or only teaching the subjects that they themselves enjoy. I believe strongly in every parents right to homeschool, but both parents and school systems need to be accountable for teaching real skills." - Andrea Rayna Withers, from the comment section of a recent HSLDA post on facebook.

Oh, yay! I love pretending to homeschool.  How about you?  There are just so many ways to do it!  Here are a few I thought up off the top of my head.  Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1. Say things like, "E = mc SQUARED these are low prices!" near the shelf stockers in Wal-Mart.

2. All y'all religious homeschoolers, make sure to train your children to say, "WOW, Momma, that done fulfilled prophecy according to Jeremiah 4:29 right they-yer!"  Have a silly contest between your eight children for "most obnoxious religious reference spoken loudly in front of strangers" on each outing.  Nothing like reinforcing those stereotypes.  Unfortunately, this ploy does not work for ethnically Chinese or Indian homeschoolers.  Snap.

3.  Train your child to have an obsessive interest in one area and then turn him loose on the town when he's feeling talkative.  Make sure their obsessions are nerdy or this won't work.  Obsession with chess and Ancient Rome is *good.*  Hello Kitty and her accessories *bad.*  Got that, Emperor?  It's ok... recently he discussed obscure Latin sayings and the battles of Julius Caesar with some old guy named "Homer" in the post office. 

Okie-doke.  It's your turn, Great Pretenders!  Let's have it.


  1. Why would anyone pretend to homeschool? if they don't want to teach their own children or are unable to, they should send the kids to school. I'm talking about regular kids who are able to cope in the school system, not those whose special needs indicate that homeschooling is the better option.

  2. *smile!*

    River, you missed *sarcasm.* Of course most people do not pretend to homeschool, just as most parents don't beat their children to death. The commenter was simply out of her head. I can't say these things don't happen, but they happen pretty rarely...

    Kerrie, thank you! :)

  3. Maybe she is a plant from the NEA!

    Besides, I think the school system is obsessed on a couple of subjects (those that are tested every year: Reading, Writing, Arithmetic) and have left in the dust what they deem to be fluffy stuff!

  4. Pretend homeschoolers count making cookies with their children as family and consumer sciences, a day at the park as physical education, a walk in the rain as a class on the water cycle...

    ♪ ♫ Oh, YES, I'm the great pretender... ♫ ♪

  5. Pretend is fun! Pretend painting your nails is really teaching art! And that watching Maury is cureent events! Or that Oprah is religion!! And my favorite, reading your horoscope is Math, Reading, History, Science AND Health. ;)

  6. Until schools stop failing to teach students (remember, my local schools fail to teach 84% of students in at least one subject), I don't really know why someone would even care if a few homeschool parents are faking it. Obviously the schools are too. [sigh]


  7. What an awesome post and discussion! I laughed out loud with Julie's comment. And Luke's made me sad, but how true. I love it when someone says to me "homeschooling takes lots of organization." And I want to say--um...have we met? My sister "pretended" to homeschool now her oldest daughter is on the Dean's list at university and her middle daughter just did a year abroad. Craziness!


Non-troll comments always welcome! :)