09 January 2013

Some People Should NOT Homeschool.

I take it as a matter of faith in humanity that all parents can homeschool.  I really think everyone can.  It's just that not everyone should.  So here's my personal list of judgey-judgey reasons you shouldn't homeschool.

1.  You are a child abuser.  Now... I don't just mean the registered (tm) kind.  I mean the kind who doesn't just let an unkind word slip every now and then, but calls his kids  @#4ing maggots frequently, says he wishes they were dead, could have had a much better life without your stupid *2s around, and so on.  Or the kind who doesn't teach his children anything, or to clarify for you "unschoolers" out there, doesn't encourage, guide, or model good learning behaviours.  You know what I mean. 

2.  You can't make up your freaking mind and/or are psycho.  No fair pulling your kids one week because the schools are ungodly hotbeds of heathenism, doing a couple of colouring projects, reading three Bible verses and doing a math worksheet, and then sending the kids back to school six weeks later because they "need the socialization."  Ok, I could see this sort of thing happening once.  But frankly?  I've seen too much of this sort of "whatever works this week" attitude and I'm concerned that your stupid behaviour is going to make my homeschooler look like a dodo.  And I don't want any new laws regulating my homeschool because other people saw what a dumb bunny you were and voted accordingly "for the kids." 

For the kids? For your kids?  Make up your mind and stick with it.  I know things change and sudden shifts have to happen.  We pulled Elf out in the middle of the first semester of first grade ourselves!  But give it some real time.  At least a half-year, or begin a new educational endeavour after Christmas or summer break.  Hey.  We pulled our kid because he was being abused and the devil with the school calendar.  But otherwise?  Plan ahead, ok?  Thanks.

3.  You think you can change your child, or somehow "train him up" in the way you think he should go.  I had so many lovely books and was ready to teach my child to write his heart out.  What I was going to do is (and it shames me to say it) just get the kid by on grade level with his math and focus on literature and writing because those are the easier/best subjects to teach.  God saw fit to give me a math child.  I had to change my homeschooling to suit him. 

And honestly?  You need to know when it's time to turn your kid loose.  We might be nearing that time with Emperor.  At present, however, I don't see better educational opportunities on the horizon so he's going to stay put.  But someday he's going to spend some time away from me.  That's going to be really hard.  But when he succeeds away from me, I know I will have succeeded. 

If that makes sense.  I hope it does.

Do you know what inspired me to write this post?  This crazy facebook update from Sonlight.  Ok, the status is not nutty.  The comments make my brain explode!  You know you are a homeschooler when "you comfort yourself by believing your children's spouses will teach them how to read"???  I sure hope that is a joke.  But I've noticed many of these people on the homeschooling threads are into both housework AND hoarding homeschool materials.  Why that intersect?  Puzzled.

8 comments:

  1. I agree and am sharing with your blessing. :)

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    1. Of course you can share any time! Just not my real name and address because then? I would be overwhelmed with fan mail and groupies, and I don't know if I can handle it.

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  2. "But when he succeeds away from me, I know I will have succeeded. "

    That's how I feel about my son right now!

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    1. And he's doing pretty ok overall from what I've heard. :)

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  3. What Andrea said. I have it in my cut and paste----
    But when he succeeds away from me, I know I will have succeeded.---See?

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    1. Yep! Now mind you, it doesn't mean every time our children fail that we are failures... because I know some awesome homeschooling families who don't see "success," just the result of God allowing that free will thing to happen.

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  4. I don't fit into any of your above categories, but I know with certainty that I couldn't have home schooled. Not just shouldn't, but definitely couldn't.
    I could probably lay out the facts as written in the books, but when it comes to answering abstract questions or explaining why something is the way it is, or even helping them to understand something especially if I don't understand it myself, those things would be my downfall.
    My kids went to schools where properly trained teachers did a far better job than I could have.
    Some people without training can do this, as I know you do, but I'm not one of them.
    And I just don't have the patience either.

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    1. Awww. I say, "I'm not sure, look it up bookworm!" and,"Google is your friend!" often.

      Also? I thought the very same things you did until it became a necessity, really. You just do what you have to do and I'm glad for your family that you didn't have to do it. :)

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Non-troll comments always welcome! :)