31 May 2014

Dog-Sized Rats to Participate in NYC Census

No, really, this is a true story.  I can NOT make up something quite so twisted and sick.

Ok.  So here's the deal:  foot-long rats have been documented in even the most exclusive restaurants of New York City.  No exaggeration - some of these rats look more like "linebackers" than rodents.  Monster big things can only fit into shoe box sized traps.

Rather than ohh, I don't know, paying people to just kill the rats that some say are the size of small dogs, the city is going to spend $600,000 to do a cute little census so that they can get to know our fuzzy friends.  Their habits.  Their hopes.  Their dreams.  And then?  Somehow their "presence" in the city will be "reduced" via this "tracking." 

Sounds like a bunch of useless buzzwords to me, as no exterminator company is mentioned, nor yet are the words "death" or "kill." 

From the comments section:

gzizzle:  You know.. If you citiots stopped crapping and urinating in the streets and practiced at least a modicum of general sanitation, this wouldn't be an issue. Between the cockroaches, rats and pigeons, it is a surprise you all aren't infected with some type of mange or pox.

jnsesq:  But they are: Liberalism.

Ha ha ha! 

Other commenters suggest moving PETA world headquarters to NYC.  You know.  They love animals so much and all. 


  1. You are not alone huge rats are everywhere, the beer fairy was a truck driver for all his working life and he told stories or seeing rats down on the docks as big as cats.

    1. That's crazy! How do they even get in and out of little holes in the wall like that? Or do they just jump on trucks and take what they want, because everyone around is so scared?

  2. Rats big enough to own property eh? Perhaps they do own property. Perhaps they own the restaurants.
    You should stock up on rat poison in case they decide to open up in the suburbs....ha ha

    1. We are sooo not equipped to deal with rats in the suburbs. Could you imagine??


Non-troll comments always welcome! :)