On Sexism and Autism

Two of our five boys are autistic. They have been diagnosed at a Childrens' Hospital and not a psychologist using a checklist... and I think the diagnosis is (unfortunately!) probably accurate. The other three either have not been tested, or are given some catchall label in the (VAIN!) hopes of getting help from the school district.

Don't get me started on the school district...

We've had some great teachers over the years. We really have. One in particular, the Emperor's preschool teacher, is going to be VERY sorely missed when the Emperor graduates in a few days from the program. She teaches a mostly special-needs preschool and is really gentle and energetic. She knows how to integrate the therapies the kids need into the school day so they think they're playing! In short, she's awesome.

G also has a *wonderful* case manager in the middle school. I can't say enough good things about her. G has a lot of difficulty sometimes in school and really needs help with social situations (what does that look or that expression MEAN?) or in reasoning out that just because he is angry right now does not mean everyone is against him. His case manager is able to make allowances for him. She's able to manipulate that environment a bit so it's more G-friendly. She sends home daily checklists so I get a good feel for how his day was without a big preachy sermon or judgmental comments. I really like her.

But we've found that the school district as a whole does NOT really understand the needs of Christian or special needs families. Oh, my goodness. The Elf is autistic and runs away when he is in a large group. He gets overwhelmed! What's the solution to that? Oh, let's suspend him for his behaviour. Oh, let's lock the kid in a closet and call it a "safe room." Oh, that doesn't work? We're here to help! We'll assign someone to be with the Elf all the time. He's autistic and can't deal with change well? Well, that's not in the budget. The staff member with him will change literally every 15 minutes. We're here to help!

Worse, they'd assign someone about 65 years old to watch the Elf. Do you think she can catch him when he runs away? Or the situation we encountered at a private preschool: We'll assign someone 98 months pregnant to watch nine kids and then act surprised when the Elf almost makes it to the highway. He made bad choices, lady, and you'd better teach your kid better at home and put some consequences in there! What's wrong with you as a parent??

SO, I'm a sexist pig. I prefer young male teachers for Elf when he is at church or anywhere else because they can run and the cannot get pregnant. They also tend not to want to tell you long stories about how the Elf made "bad choices" and blah blah blah. It's probably a bad attitude for me to have. On the one hand, I *do* want to know what is going on, but I don't want inordinate amounts of detail ALL the time EVERY time he is out of my sight. He's not out of my sight that often. He's homeschooled now. I take him to the library and might leave him for about 2 minutes (literally!) to go to the bathroom or check out a book. Even then his feet or his head is in my line of vision. I leave him for about an hour at church. And that's it.

Thankfully, the church we attend is wonderful. They actually LISTEN to me when I tell them I would prefer to have a male teacher at least in the general vicinity. Several times Mr. B has run through the building to catch a running Elf. Mr. B, God bless him, is big enough to just hold the Elf in one arm and carry the child back to class.