05 April 2010

Homeschooling, Bible Style

I'm homeschooling because I know if I don't, my children will be unsaved. They'll grow up and learn bad words from those godless public schoolers. Next thing you know, they'll be flashing gang signs, eating processed foods and killing old ladies on the streetcorners for kicks. When they're not busy selling their bodies for money or taking drugs, that is.

I base alllll my worldview on this issue on the fact that "in Bible times," kids like Jesus were not educated by the Roman public school system. After all, if you give your kids to Caesar, you shouldn't be surprised if they come home Romans. Even though the Romans didn't specially confer citizenship on lowly Jews for the most part. But no matter! The saying is clever AND accurate.

I think we should do everything based on what I heard some guy say they did during "Bible times." I love how during "Bible times," there were clearly defined roles for the sexes. Just read the New Testament carefully and you will see that every lady mentioned stays home and tends her home and her children. They never, never worked outside the home unless they were selling organic foot loofas and lotions online. We wouldn't want them to interact and speak with a MAN other than their husbands, you see. That only leads to trouble. Trouble starts with T, which rhymes with P, which stands for "public school."

Also, in "Bible times," we know that people were great and charitable givers. There was no need of any sort of welfare system; that would be godless. The GODLY thing to do is have these handicapped people plunked outside the city gates, or in front of the temple, with a nice little cup. Teach them to shout, "Alms for the poor!" to the passersby. Non-verbal Woodjie woulda been great at this game. It's the original "no welfare; get to work" program. I am sure every poor person was adequately provided for under this system, and if they weren't, it's all the family's fault. Well, and even if it were all the family's fault, God always provides so the disabled guy did something to deserve it! Hang on while I look up that verse... something about God's family never lacking bread unless they were dopey enough to choose to have their ancestors captured and stuck on a boat bound for Haiti...

Well...

Back to reality. I really like homeschooling. I think it's the best choice right now for Elf and Emperor. But I've been reading some crap (sorry, no other word for it unless I revert to the Anglo Saxon; I'm not Roman, you know) that astounds me.

I love google searching "homeschooling," and make all kinds of new and interesting friends that way. I also see a few nuts-for-brains who think that Jesus basically endorsed the pioneer lifestyle, whole foods and killing your own chickens with a hatchet. Just like in the Little House on the Prairie series! Don't read the series too closely, though, or you'll see Pa and his family taking land away from the Indians, people getting murdered, drunken gangs carousing in the streets and killing people, claim jumping, a severe lack of education for rural farm children, and a general wildness about. And no, I don't mean "wildness" as in, pretty prairie grass and twittering birds. I mean that except for some of the trappings and the newer drugs, the Ingalls family probably saw a lot of the same stuff you would see in the 'hood today. It just looked prettier when they wore their little bonnets and simple dresses on all that unspoilt land... you know, that the savage Indians needed to leave so these "civilized" folk could move in and farm. :)

No, old Mrs. C is not getting liberal in her old age. It might *just* be better for us not to have any welfare system at all, but I have nothing to really compare that idea with but the dog-eat-dog competition for "charity" some of these old-style beggars had to deal with. And I've read Oliver Twist, so I know the faults of the "church" welfare-type system so many of my blog sisters keep proposing. I'm just going to advocate for what I feel is the right thing without saying GOD said for me to advocate for a particular economic system.

And grant you, it might *just* be better for there to be no public schools. Just don't tell me that we would have a 97 percent literacy rate without them, though... if by "literate," one means "able to understand a credit card application or do taxes with an income of over $200,000 from diverse sources in such a way that one gets to keep much of the money." 75 or 80 percent maybe... but not 97. And yeah, of those 75 to 80 percent, *most* of them would be better-educated than the public school average. Maybe my standard of what I think "literate" would be is too high. I'm not quite there yet, and I have a BA from Wittenberg University. (One year's tuition and expenses? $40,000. Thanks, Mom and Dad!!) We don't make much income, but we HIRE OUT our taxes and every now and then, we need to re-read those cell phone contracts because we get a little confuzzly. (My blog. I kin write however I wanna on it. If'n you want proper English, go to England.)

I think homeschooling is GREAT, but I just don't form my DOCTRINE on it alone, you know?

8 comments:

  1. You do have a way with words, Mrs. C!

    I agree with just about all of what you said -or implied- as the sarcasm dripped from your fingers on to the keyboard.

    As for the stuff that I'm not so sure I agree with, my reservations have little to do with a chapter and verse Biblical conviction, and more with my inherent distrust about the government's ability to do anything without you having to trading your soul for it.

    And yes, when folks have family members and they do without, it is the family's fault.

    (Unless said family member is a thief and a drug addict who'd just as soon steal your drawers if they got the chance. Or if said family member is an unmotivated, lazy freeloader who won't work. In which case the Bible says they shouldn't eat.)

    But when someone catches a hard break, family is supposed to be there to catch them. Particularly if said family claims to be a Christian family.

    Good post. I always enjoy your societal commentary pieces.

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  2. Hey, something ate my comment. Let me try that again.

    While reading the first part of your post I was getting more and more worried and a little confuzzly myself. Whew! I was glad to get to the second half and see you are still you.

    It really bothers me when people use the Bible to bolster their own personal opinion and bash everyone around them who doesn't share that opinion. Thanks for a great post.

    By the way, I like that word - confuzzly. I think I'll borrow it and see what my family has to say about it. :-)If they look at my like I'm crazy I'll tell them you said if first.

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  3. While looking for the lyrics to a song the other day I quite accidentally wound up on a site that announced that all contemporary Christian music was of the devil, that the only acceptable music was the old hymns played at a staid, slow pace. The list of artists who are hellbound and are happily leading their listeners to the same place included: Twila Paris, Keith Green, Randy Stonehill, Bill Gaither (Bill Gaither??), Jars of Clay, Amy Grant, and numerous names I didn't recognize, but my teens did.

    Oh, and the King James translation is the actual holy word of God. All others are designed to water down the scripture and are, of course, of the devil. And they all backed it up with scripture (from the King James).

    I can't ever decide whether to be amused or horrified by sites like this. Especially when I know that there are entire churches behind them preaching the same thing.

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  4. Jesus spent the last years of his life homeless. He wasn't doing organic farming and raising chickens . . . The other scary site are the Pearl's ideas of training children and their gospel of behavior modification. One couple went too far with their adopted child from Africa and now she's dead over a spelling lesson!

    Jesus preached TRUTH and GRACE. You can't have one without the other!

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  5. Mrs. C, oh man. Oh man. [smile] Oh man. Sarcasm and snark, you haz it. But hitting the nail on the head? Your doin it rite, to borrow the colloquialism.

    ~Luke

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  6. You must not make me laugh out loud like that while my kids are still sleeping!!! I need this quiet time, you know.

    Not only do I love what you say, but the way you say it. Once upon a time I was once chided for being too sarcastic. Now I live a in country where sarcasm doesn't translate. Thanks for giving me my fix for today ;o).

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  7. Sometimes I feel so alone.... Then I read things like this.

    So either I'm not crazy... or we both are... Anyway, thanks for the awesome read.

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  8. Love your way with words.

    You say things that are in my head that I can't always express myself !!!

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Non-troll comments always welcome! :)