22 December 2011

Holiday Humdrum

It's reallllly hard for me to get into the happy holiday spirit this year.  I don't know why exactly.  I should be baking cookies and doing tons o' activities but ohhh my goodness I swear to you, the drama.  The drama.  Do not tell me teen boys don't have it.  Dealing with a headache tonight on top of all else.

I know they are not calculating their every move to frustrate me, but it almost feels that way sometimes.  I do remember what it was like to be younger and to know everything and ohhh I couldn't wait to get out of the house because my parents were lame!  And my own kids?  I will never do such an awful job as my parents did with me!  They will never want to leave!  We will all be best buds forever!  (Yeah yeah yeah maybe I wasn't so smart.)

I just feel done with this parenting thing, at least with the older boys.  SO. Freaking. Done.  I had heard from other moms that this feeling would happen and I never believed I would everrr feel this way about my precious zu zuu zuu zuu babies.  You know, the cute kids that cuddle you and ask you for stories are the same ones that roll their eyes and wonder when you will quit talking later on.  I never thought it would happen to me because I figured I'd raise everyone "better than that" but there you go.

Sorry!  And even worse, I'm so tired I don't even want a do-over.  Ha ha ha!

I think it's the holiday thing, the older children being home all day and our expectations of what a day will bring really clash.  They sleep in, eat food several times a day, lounge about in clean clothes and whatnot but wouldn't you know it, I still fielded complaints about there being nothing to do.  And I got snapped at when I was able to make about 50 suggestions.  Or someone whines that it is unfair that it snowed and plans were ruint (and I can fix that... how..?).

The middle kids are just that, pretty much stuck in the middle of whatever is going on.  I feel right there with them, as they are working with me and we are all three of us overswamped with the drama.

The little kids are so cute but they are a lot of work and they never really are quiet.  Woodjie is running all over the place with a plastic gem that fell off the fake paper Christmas tree he made in preschool  I told him it was a Pokemon gym badge and he has been squealing and talking about it allll dayyyy long.  Apparently it is a "lightning" badge and it is not from Johto.  It is very important to discuss this - with sound effects - nonstop.  I got tired of that and sent the children upstairs to play with whistles.

WHYYY did I do that?  Just why.  Does it show the state of my mind to tell you that it really did seem like a good idea at the time to get the entire BAG out and say, go blow these for a while?

Later, I got the brilliant idea that they should use the hole in our wall (it's an older house and I refuse to order custom vent covers) to pretend to be short order cooks and pass plastic food through into the hallway.  Fake restaurants are very loud places, I'm afraid.  It's still a fun idea but the problem being when you need quiet in my house it never IS quiet.

I'm feeling like I REALLY NEED TO SNAP OUT OF THIS, how to have a little quiet and get rid of my headache and stress, but not sure how to do it.  I think much of the problem right now is that everyone is keyed up for Christmas and thinking they're getting a bazillion presents.  Even Rose has learnt of this "Santa" at preschool.  I told her my goodness, no.  Santa is fake.  Get that out of your head.  They have even given her the story about "presents" at school and she is expecting some here at home.

This year, I am getting everyone a gas station gift card. Some toothbrushes in festive holiday colours or something next time I make it out to the grocery store.  Do myself a long-term favour and lower expectations for next year.

I'm thinking go me.  Seriously, though, I don't know why I am having such a hard time about things and just want to scream at everybody.  Ok... there it is.  Sometimes it's nice just to vent a bit and now I feel I can go on with my day and la la la.  Before I go, I wanted to share this holiday survival kit with other parents of special-needs children.  Fun, isn't it?  I looked around for the same sort of thing, but about how to deal with adult special needs children... and didn't find much.  Hey, those cute six-year-olds who have meltdowns do grow up and apparently then they disappear or their problems get solved or something.

Okayyy I am just going to bed.  It's a shame I don't drink alcohol on a night like this.  No wait.  Maybe it is not a shame because I have already binge eaten.  I'm a mess.

What a day.  I sure hope I feel better tomorrow because I wouldn't want to live with the grumpy mom I was today.  :(

9 comments:

  1. I don't have special needs children, but here's something I did when I needed them to be away from me for a while. I gave them all a bucket of water and a four inch paintbrush and sent them outside to paint the house/fence/garden furniture....anything really. I realise it's winter now where you are, but maybe tuck the idea away for summer?

    Merry Holidays to you and your family.

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  3. Merry Christmas Mrs C. :)

    For what it's worth--I've had a year or three like this when I just couldn't get in the holiday mood. When every demand, regardless how small, was simply too much. Three years ago, I decided to focus on what Christmas meant to myself and my family and this made all the difference. I said no a lot and hurt some feelings (didn't like that much), but I can now say that it was well worth it. Those who loved me understood. The rest of the world just wanted my free labor.

    These days I think it helps that half of mine are young adults and I'm aware that our years around the tree as parents and kids are numbered. Eventually they'll move out and sometime after that there will be girlfriends, wives, and grand kids that I'll have to share with inlaws. So I focus on that, keep my list of Christmas presents per kid short and sweet, and challenge them to do for one another.

    PS. In our house, "bored" (regardless of the age) is a dirty word. If you're bored, your room must be dirty, or the yard must need to be raked, or the bathroom must need a scrubbing. Or Dad might need help with some household repairs.

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  4. Ho ho ho!
    I loved the gas station gift cards comment....

    It's a fact of life that the teen kids get on your nerves more .. Made especially hard with all the young ones you have around. But you'll look back an enjoy the memories of these Holiday seasons.

    I think.. I can't remember for sure.. :)

    Merry Christmas! Have a fun holiday!

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  5. Hang in there Happy Elf Mom! These are tough times, no doubt. My older daughter complains that she knows exactly what she's getting for Christmas, and there's no surprises. Well, that's because I asked her to make sure she actually wanted the things we're getting her. She's not that easy to please.

    On top of everything else, I'm just recovering from a nasty bout of the flu ...

    Sorry to hijack your rant with my rant!

    Anyway, hang in there -- try to find a bright spot in the murk and turmoil ...

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  6. Sorry, Mrs. C. I feel similarly. I'm flat-out REFUSING to cook a big meal, and when I tried to get some suggestions for an alternative, no one would be quiet and cooperate. So I said they could eat pb&j while I dipped cheetos in a can of frosting and that would be Christmas dinner.

    *scrooge*

    (I'm not kidding either. Even my husband looked alarmed at the tone of my voice)

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  7. Oh my gosh, I don't judge you at all for how you are feeling. I'm not there yet but I know it's not gonna be easy! I was a really bad teenager and ran away all the time. I would get so angry at my parents my nose would bleed. I mean, it got sooo bad sometimes. It was all me just being crazy. Soooo, I'm so happy all my kids are still little for now.

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  8. Don't feel bad. I am afraid I am the one being difficult and grumpy. I see my kids and husband exchanging glances. I see them.

    I have done everything possible to get into the holiday spirit... I gave to the needy and surprised a couple of people, but I still feel blah...

    Hubby of course wants to blame it on the fact that my mom died on Christmas, but I was a scrooge long before than.

    Anyway, hope things get better.

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  9. Gas station cards. I'll have to remember that next year!

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