It doesn't matter if your parents have been grown up since well before you were born. It also doesn't matter if they've never been financially dependent on you. You will be paying the nursing home bills if your parents are indigent, and if you don't have the wherewithall to fight the home in court.
Now, family does for each other and it bothers me to see some folks in my neighbourhood dumped off at the home at the first sign of trouble. And somehow then wow, grandkids have "bought" the house at an amazing low price. (I truly believe God is gonna judge that.)
That's family for ya. You don't want to give "family" too much power (good or bad) over one another's finances. But if we can help a family member in a bind, we sure will. Our little family, though, doesn't have a million bucks in the bank account in case somebody's health goes south next week. I'd make a crappy caregiver, too, because I can't even lift the groceries any more. I have to have my older children help me.
I'm sure hoping my parents and my husband's have good insurance because the best I can do is offer moral support and maybe a $50 gift card at Christmas. Hey, at least I don't do the "nightgown and slippers" gig.
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Look Out, Dad!!
My father is the purple dot above the blue weather station. He's juuust outside Milton's evacuation zone. Well! My brother and I jus...
I can't see any of my kids putting me in a home. None of us can afford it. I'll probably end up with one of the kids and they'll feed me as long as I do the dishes.
ReplyDeleteThe same sort of shenanigans about dumping grandma and taking the house go on out here too. I think it's a universal thing. Just thankful that not everyone does it.
I can see it happening easily to me or anyone else. What if your elderly loved one takes to wandering in the night? Or needs round-the clock care? You have to have a job. You have to grocery shop.
DeleteI know my parents were faced with this decision and they checked on my Nana very frequently and did everything they could to make sure she was healthy and safe. Not a decision I want to make, but if we get there, I can NOT pay 100% of the costs. I can't even pay for my own retirement or college for my kids. :(
My dilemma is different. One parental unit won't move in with me because his mom is in a nursing home near where he lives and he understandably won't be parted with her. Another set of parental units appear to be well off, but need to downsize. Instead they expect us to fill in the gaps. We can't help either of them in their environment, but would be happy to move either or all of them into our home. I feel like it is unfair for barely elderly parents of adults to expect help, when we don't have any say in how the money is spent. Plus it would mean taking college money from the kids and giving it to the grandparents.... so not fair. I wish our parents thought like River (above).
ReplyDeleteI have a lot to say on this! (1) our older neighbor went to an assisted living place (not a nursing home; a swanky place) and her son/DIL miraculously moved in to her huge house (4 bedrooms is huge to me) rent-free. (2) I found out recently my grandma tricked her own dad into going into a nursing home. (3) I always say I will keep all our parents at my place but I know that is hard when you have failing bodies and grumpy minds. So what you are saying is I'd better get off the Starbuck's and start saving money?
ReplyDeleteLuckily for us, we have at least 4 of our kids who have said they will care for us when we no longer can! We must have done SOMETHING RIGHT!
ReplyDelete