True Story: My Mother, the Ex-KGB Agent

Unrelated photo of a "car phone" at the gas station about a mile from my house.

My mother's cover has been blown and my parents have since moved, so the story can be told now...

Al had a new Cadillac. Every now and then, he'd hobble into his garage to find the trunk of his car had been popped open and the interior lights on. Sometimes the garage door would be wide open! This occurred regularly, and he knew why.

What would happen was that my mom would use her KGB spy brainwaves to do this, rather like a remote control. This is just what Russian operatives do. I think it is their primary mission, actually.  Popping elderly Americans' trunks open, as well as leaving interior lights on and garage doors open, are huge priorities under the Putin administration. Every Russian espionage specialist knows that it leaves the victims vulnerable to theft and/or dead car batteries. 

I'm not sure how Al acquired this special knowledge, but he saw right through this whole scheme and what's more, he had had enough! He courageously shuffled over to my parents' house, armed with his broom. Al shouted several statements about how he knew what was going on, and shattered a brand new window.

Admitting that my mother was a spy at this point would be the rational course of action. But my parents called the police! Al made a daring but feeble grab for an officer's weapon, vowing to "take care" of my mom and her spying ways. But the police were younger, way faster, and in on the whole spy ring themselves.  They even turned Al's family against him! His adult son showed up and arrangements were made to take the old fella away for an involuntary evaluation. This nefarious way of dealing with people who see truths others don't is called "The Baker Act" in Florida.

Years later, Al died and all of his estate went up for auction. There, amongst the bric-a-brac of his life up for sale, was his broom.