We're Home!

Well, hello! We're home again. Emperor and I had a great time, though I must say we're pretty disappointed that Emperor was only able to get one win. I don't get it... he beat some of these children handily in the practice games, and then lost to them in the tournament. And by the end of the three day tournament, I was able to beat him in a couple games.

That, friends, should never happen. So I'm thinking he's just taken a good tailspin on this and needs to just keep on studying tactics and work on concentration, really, more than anything else.

I'm going to admit we're doing it all wrong.

See, there's this kid named "Matlock." The kid seems like a nice, likeable young man. He was playing some practice games with Emperor and we were having a nice time.

Were. Having a nice time.

The mom comes in and squawks at the kid about guarding his back rank. WHAT about the checklist your coach went over with you?? You need to bla bla bla and she was just tearing that kid up. It either inspired him or un-nerved Emperor because he later lost to this kid in the tournament, after having won two practice games.

Oh, well. I think the worst part was that Matlock and his little sister were so likeable and Emperor kept trying to play with them, show them his game system, and all that. The mom kept GLARING at us as though we were the enemy. Good grief.

Next morning, she didn't let her kid eat what he wanted for breakfast. Protein only. She even had him listening to music before the tournaments so that he would be prepared properly. Actually that isn't a bad idea... but... she's just a little more than a little controlling. I guess it's the spirit of the whole thing rather than the substance.

Please tell me I will never wind up like that. Though I sure did scold Emperor that he ought notate his game and THINK THROUGH EACH MOVE. He'd beaten a player with a 1400 rating, and he shouldn't be losing - in 13 moves and 15 minutes - to someone lower-ranked than him. Not when you have a an hour and fifty-five minutes on your clock.

I think we've come away from the tournament with a LOT of advice from some of the higher-rated players. Most of the advice? Emperor is talented, tactics are good, uses combinations well, but JUST isn't studying the board and thinking about what the other player is trying to do. And that is gonna get him.

We couldn't find ANY post cards in the hotel, and as I arrived by cab, didn't get any nearby. So, folks who guessed where we were earlier who want a post card and a chance at receiving a small package, please email your address to happyelfhomeschool (at) gmail (dot) com. I will select a package winner on Wednesday morning. :)

At The Kansas Open

Yes! We're at the Kansas Open in Overland Park. Stalkers and assorted cray-zee homeschool blog fans, you have a day and a half to find us and meet us in person at the Ramada Inn. lol EVERYONE who left a correct comment, I'll send you a postcard and a random guesser will get a small package. So, leave a comment on an old post or email happyelfhomeschool (at) gmail (dot) com.

Emperor was the youngest player last night in the quick tournament. Most of the players are adults. Poor guy lost every game.

It wouldn't be so bad if the few kids who were here were, you know, NICE. Or had nice parents. One mom screamed at her child in the middle of a practice game with Emperor about doing his checklist, why hasn't he practiced this afternoon, what did your chess coach say, look at your h-file bla bla bla queen out too early in the game. Whoo. I chalked it up to that individual family's rudeness until I met another family that wanted to introduce the child by USCF rating instead of... you know... his name.

What's odd is that the really superbly great players don't usually act quite like this. They are just sitting there, not showing off, and walk away with the plaque if you know what I mean. I sure don't mind Emperor losing; we knew this was an adult tournament going into it. I'm sad that the parents are behaving so boorishly. And yeah, when you let your kid laugh at other players, talk about how he's the highest rated bla whatever, and generally swagger about and roll eyes at the lower-rated players... it is beyond rude when you don't at least try to correct your child's behaviour. Kids are gonna be rude, plain and simple. We all have our moments. But wow.

I was chatting with one of the higher rated players and he said the scene I described sounded like something right out of Searching for Bobby Fischer. Well, it wasn't even as friendly as the pool scene in the movie. It's like every other kid is "the enemy" or something.

This morning one of the moms got on her kid and told him he had to eat protein only so he could do well in the tournament. Ok, so it's her kid but I'm sorry that this is his childhood, being trained like a chess show animal or something. Meh. I feel like such a slacker homeschool mom in comparison. And I don't mind being that way.

I tell you what: we're going to have a great day today and tomorrow. I think Emperor will be a stronger chess player for having gone, but that's not the sum total of his worth and value to me as a human being. He's getting to go off his diet to eat pizza for lunch. He'll be swimming (under close supervision) this afternoon. And he'll be watching Spongebob and playing his favourite game. Best vacation ever! :)

We're Here!

Wherever that is... will be published tomorrow. Comments/guesses about where we are will be accepted through midnight tonight, Central Standard Time.

I think I can tell you, at least, that we are presently in a hotel. And that Emperor is lucky to be ok. He has some sort of weakness on his right side. Even when he was crawling, he'd drag his right leg like a polio victim (no, I'm not making fun of polio victims, just giving an analogy of the appearingly uselessness of that leg). He can now walk and doctors think he is just fine. But he doesn't write well. And no matter how hard we have tried, and many classes, he has never been able to swim.

Anyway. All that to say this: he could have drowned today. You know drowning really does look like just a little dip underwater. Some nearby girls rescued Emperor while I was about to dive in with my sneakers. They had to be all of maybe ten. Poor kid comes up gasping for breath etc. and is told to stay on the SHALLOW side and he readily agreed. Ok! I don't want that to happen again.

BUT it did. Again, the girls dragged the kid to the side of the pool. They were really quite amazing. Emperor felt sick from "gulping too much water" and had to lie down a bit. I was somewhere between mad and relieved. Just... whyy did you go in the deep end?? WHYY??

Well, he explained, the water wasn't any higher in the deep end, so I didn't know it was deeper there.

What, the kid thought the water would go uphill or something for his convenience?? I did make sure to thank the girls profusely AGAIN and also their mom when she arrived. I guess *this* mom can be assured her girls will be safe alone in a pool with no lifeguard. They have each other. I mean, I wouldn't do it... but then again, look what happens when I'm 20 feet away from my child. Only imagine if I were in another part of the hotel.

I did tell Emperor that really, the boys are supposed to rescue the pretty girls and not the other way around. I knowwww, he told me... but he was (at that point) too tired to argue much.

I have outlined now WHERE, exactly, he is allowed to wade in the pool. I don't get it. He is very smart, but he didn't read the depth posted at several points in the pool? I'm just glad he is ok and the girls helped him out so quickly. I have myself a feeling that is one proud mommy.

She should be! :)

A Trip.

Emperor and I are leaving. Friendly contest time. Prize is probably a postcard or something small I get there, and you can send me your address later if you "win." Not sure what's available in the hotel shop so I don't want to promise anything specific.

So where are we going? That's the contest. You tell me. Annnnd you have to be exact. Let's see if you can do it. Closest wins. I get to decide which entry is closest. Ready?? Here are some hints:

sunflower state

not closed

OK!!! I've practically TOLD YOU where we're going, so you have to be exact in your comments. Feel free to google away and good luck!

PS. In the event of more than one correct guess, names will be written on scraps of paper and tossed into a room where Woodjie is playing. The one he picks up first is the *winner!*

New Mascot: Annoying Orange?

Have you seen the Annoying Orange videos on youtube? Ehhhh... I know people like this, is what's sad. But he might be the new mascot for McDonald's the way things are going.

Now, they're going to start giving apples instead of french fries in my kid's Happy Meal. That is why I go to MickeyD's in the first place! The apples! Meanwhile, the McNuggets need absolutely no improvement. Everyone LOVES the taste of anti-foaming agents... mmm, MM! As the saying goes, I'm lovin' it. Well, in fairness, I'm not sure what to think of it, but "I have no clue what is in this so-called 'food'" doesn't make for a good slogan.

When Elf heard the news about McDonald's, he thought it was a bad joke that Mom was playing on the innocent little children. Mom is mean and doesn't let him search the internet by himself, so he is not sure he's going to believe this. He says that people go to McDonald's for the fries and that they will complain.

He might complain himself. He will need a powered wheelchair and a talk with the manager. The wheelchair will be there because no one respects children, but they'll listen to an old guy in a wheelchair. No word on how his sitting in a wheelchair would make him look old, but... ok.

I have to live with this reasoning every day.

The Fried Liver Attack!

Have you ever been the victim of a fried liver attack?? Emperor pulled this move on me and I didn't even see it coming. I think what bothers me most about it is the incredulous, "MOM! You have to try to win!" and "WHY did you move that piece there?" and "That was an interesting move... but not a very intelligent one!" sorts of comments I get from him during our friendly games. As if I know each of the several hundred move series, each with its own name and history. Did you know that in an official USCF tournament you can't even say "check" or "checkmate?" Our chess coach explains that "that's just Hollywood" and they don't do that in real life. You'd just better figure out you are in check. Note how in the video, the narrator never explains when the king is in check, but simply states that the king moves. Emperor and Elf did well in their first USCF rated tournament on Saturday. Emperor won all of his games and Elf won two of three.

What's His REAL Name?

"MIKE!! It on a wall!" screamed Rose, jumping and pointing. Woodjie came over to look at whatever "Mike" is. I'm in the middle of bagging poopie diapers (ugh), rounding up dirty laundry and reallllly looking forward to washing my hands. With soap. You just can't stop in the middle of a job like that. It would be too hard to get back into, you see...

"Ee MIKE!" Woodjie starts to scream. They both start hopping about and screaming. "Mike! Momma, Mike! MIKE! Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike! MIIIIKE! IT ON A WALLLLL!! WOOK!"

I'm thinking, great, they're naming spiders and I'm way too busy to kill them at the present moment. Bleh... poopies tossed into garage trash, clothes thrown next to washer two floors down, run upstairs and ahhhh water time. And grab a shoe.

"OK, where's this 'Mike?'"

"WOOK!" Woodjie points to a little green scratch on the brown wall. "MIKE!"

Siiigh. "His name is MARK, Woodjie. There is a Mark on the wall."

"Ee MIKE. Wight dere," Woodjie insisted. Well, ok. I have trouble remembering names, too. I guess he's Mike now.