14 August 2010

Mrs. C's Pet Business.

If it weren't for a little reluctance about the whole "practicing witchcraft" thing, I'd be very tempted to go into a line of work like this. That's right: for $90 an hour, I could "channel" the spirit of your beloved departed puppy and through lots of hard, hard work that took me ohhhh... about 500 hours, I'd be able to locate your reincarnated dog at the local pet shelter for $50.

Nevermind that the reincarnated dog looks nothing like the dog you lost. They have similar personalities! They both wag their tails when they are happy and pant when they're hot. And somehow they both have the same quirks after you've owned them a while. I'm going to claim that any differences between the dogs can be attributed to the reincarnation process and the dispersal of psychic energy and the fact that your dog is now in a new body that may respond differently to his spirit.  (That was goood.  I might make up more stuff like that and print it on my brochures.) You might offset some of those negative effects of reincarnation if you purchase special quartz-crystal dog collars from me. At $150 each, your pet will thank you. Here's my card; be sure to refer me to other rich and distraught people who have lost their pets recently. Thanks.

7 comments:

  1. Wow, that is some serious woo! Hee, great post.

    I use woo in my writing classes and had been looking for some non-autism related woo. Yay, thanks! I've got me some now! :-)

    Would you mind if I link to this post when I put this fall's class blog up?

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  2. Mrs C, WHERE do you find all this stuff? You must be on some list for Strange and Bizarre News Stories.

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  3. LOL!

    And, I thought my mom was nuts to pay $240 to a pet behaviorist to help her learn how to intervene when her dogs were fighting. Six months later (and over $400 in vet bills for anesthesia, stitching, antibiotics and what not) one of dogs was brought to the local animal shelter.

    Our animals have a $50 stop-loss policy. Ron insists.

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  4. LOL.

    I think I'll stick to talking to my own dogs and cats, thanks. (And, yes, they do talk back).

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  5. LOL
    Love the idea, remember us when you're rich and jumping on Oprah's couch :P

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  6. You know, go for it. Anyone daft enough to buy that stuff deserves to be ripped off. People continually amaze me & at my time of life I should be seriously over it.

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  7. kwombles, I emailed ya. Of course you can woo away. :)

    Deb, this thing kept popping up on my welcome screen until I started going, "Are the spirits telling me to blog this or not??" I knowww. It's cray-zee.

    Julie, I had a cat that would wait until I came into the room and then pee right into the middle of the floor. Then when I would go to feed him he would poop by his bowl and start to eat. The vet gave us all these tips to help the cat but they didn't work, and he wanted us to go to a pet behaviourist. Um, I was pregnant with Emperor and couldn't clean cat poo anyway, so it was the last straw. Patrick and G still look on me as the evil mom who pitched the cat when he wasn't convenient.

    Arg.

    Mary, I know animals communicate. Just not from the grave. :)

    Ro, I totally snorted when I read your comment! I would break Oprah's couch!

    Ganeida, that's sorta what I'm thinking. They're just BEGGING to spend their money on crazy stuff. I'm looking at some of these "boutique" collars though and thinking my husband makes WAY nicer ones. It just takes him a long time. Seriously, though, you could wind up spending $300 and shipping/tax on a fancy collar.

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