Love = Buy Scholastic Books

Dear Parents:  buying books from our book fair will improve your child's vocabulary and make him more likely to go to college.  Not buying our books means that you hate your kid and are a terrible parent.  You are under no obligation to buy any books whatsoever, but we've used class time to take your child through the fair so we could prepare this wish list.

Biscoff!

If you haven't tried it, you need to before you die.  You find it in the grocery store near the peanut butter.  Not all stores have Biscoff spread, mind you, but many do.  Our local Wal-Mart and Price Chopper do, but not the Hy-Vee.  It runs just under $6 for a bitty jar and is imported from Belgium (la di dah).  Basically it is ground-up super-sweet Biscoff cookies.  Sunflower oil is added to make it more spreadable.  There is also a "chunky" variety in which the cookies are not fully ground.  (Get the creamy, though.  The chunky seems to be too oily and the consistency is not pallatable.)  Rose is a very finicky eater, and Biscoff is one of the few foods she will eat every time without complaining.  It is peanut-free and vegan even and is touted as "America's alternative to peanut butter."  It's way, way better than peanut butter, though.

Bye-Bye, Tree.

My computer just died.  Won't even power up.  All my computer-saved tree-ly good pictures of my fave tree are gone.  Ah, well, here's a random shot of it through my kitchen window.  It will have to do.  The tree started becoming hollow up under, bark began to fall off and branches were dying.  The whole tree was in the dying process for a while, but I'm sure the hot, drought-y weather did it no favours, either.  So it was time to go before it fell and did some major damage.

Not the sort of thing you just do yourself, though.  The tree is absolutely immense.  I could squat down and take a picture straight up even from this angle, and the tree will still be up up up there.  We had to hire the professionals at Prentice and Bush to come out and do the job.  Jason climbs up the tree like a spider with nothing but a rope and a pair of spiky cleats.  He takes a chainsaw and a drink along, but it's almost like watching Avatar to see him scurrying about so high up.

A view from my driveway.  The tree branches are halfway down in this picture.  This picture does not give the size of my tree justice.  The websites I've encountered say "mature" pin oak trees are 70 feet tall, and the ones I have left on the side of my house are about that, but this one was a bit taller and closer to 90 feet. (I am guessing that 70 feet is an average and not a world record.)   Oddly only the trees on the west side of my house remain.  Others got sick or were dying and had to be removed over the years.  They would probably have been planted in 1964 when the house was built.

The bad thing about having to have this work done is now I have an in-your-face view of 1960's power wires, complete with squirrel nest and some glass-looking doodads.  Sometimes the squirrels electrocute themselves to death because they keep running about on the wires, but that doesn't stop the stupid things from building the same old nests year after year.  Kind of like the let's build a condo on the Florida coast mentality.  Whenever they do this, we lose power for a while.

Speaking of losing power, most of our town was in total darkness overnight because of a very large and sudden thunderstorm.  The silence during the outage was just amazing.  You never realize how much electrical humming and other noise is about you until it is hushed.  Our area was one of the very last to be up and running power-wise, so sleepy children had to find ways to light their way in the morning and stay safe.  Jason had been telling me when he bid our job that really, things were slow, they could sure use the work, etc.  I'm so glad the tree came down just before the big storm hit.  Right now, all the local tree service people are going to be VERY busy for a while.  Just saw six tree trucks going up and down our street doing work today.  Meanwhile, my newly-trimmed trees have just been rained upon so it's perfect timing.



Breakfast At My House

Good morning!  You can tell who sits where by the Polish pottery pattern. Do you like my flowers?  I put them in an old peach juice container.

That New Car Look!

Our new 2012 Ford Fusion!  Fresh off the lot.  New car smell.  It's a weird car and when you press on the brakes the car STOPS.  Last car?  You had to jump on those brakes and leave half a mile clearance (slight exaggeration but yeah).  Yep, the 2001 Taurus we bought new from the same dealership bit the dust after a bit over 130,000 miles.  Guys at the dealership KNEW we were having problems with it and still gave us $1500 on a trade in.  Twelve-year-old car.  Over 130,000 miles.  $1500.  Oh seriously, used cars must be really pricey if they're gonna do that.  Maybe they were hoping to make up their losses on the new car purchase? 

When I brought the Fusion to my agent to be inspected and insured, he was in awe of the paperwork.  D got a really, really good deal on it from Very Bossley Ford.  About $6,000 under sticker price, and weird financing in which the "incentives" mean we really aren't paying any interest at all.  Over a 60 month period.  I don't know why they let him do that.  Our agent said seriously, D should help people buy cars as a part-time job.  He is that good.  I made sure to stay home during the entire purchase process because I do NOT want to be the one the salesguy looks at to "convince" D of anything and/or the one who is manipulated into getting emotionally attached to a car.  D investigates prices, models, etc. and even which cars are on which lots before he walks in.  He walks out and gets followed, not sure if I don't want to just take the old car home, the whole drama thing.  Whatever.  He took the day off to play this game and I'm just glad it is over.

D cleaned out his car and brought home bags and boxes FULL of mostly useless stuff.  Going to the curb next week:  12-year-old car seat.

Also going to the curb:  D's fave ice scraper.  I'm thinking it's just time.  D has already loaded his Slim Dusty CD into the vehicle and I have preprogrammed the hits of the 80's Sirius radio station to the dashboard.  Hey, going to use every day of the 6-month "free trial."  Martha Quinn, Nina Blackwood and all your 1980's V-Jays (they were called that before people said V-jay jay ok??) from Mtv are on.

My Little Ponies

Rose is very, very happy that Woodjie and I found these ponies at our local thrift store.  They each have different names, personalities, and hairdos.  :)

Magnet Dress-Up

I bought the super-expensive picture magnet from the school picture package and not much else.  As you can see, they are perfect for playing dress-up with magnets that belong to Emperor's Hello Kitty set.  You could use the doll fashion ones or whatever else is handy in your house!

"AAAH!  NOOO!  Do not put Hello Kitty fashion accessories on me!"  Some little boy (whose five-year-old picture is blurred here for semi-anonymity) doesn't want to play the game.

What You Need in Your Utility Room

Hi!  I'm the AT&T U-verse guy.  Lemme show you our latest brilliant and creative residential installation job!  I decided, "Why be normal and place expensive rental batteries away from water sources?" Yeah!  We're taking it a step further here at AT&T.  That idea of water and electricity not mixing?  Old-fashioned.You see, I noticed the customer tied this rickety shoe-rack to her water pipe with a piece of fabric to store her dryer sheets and lint shaver.  I took that idea a step further.  I'm figuring a large, expensive, rental battery can't be much heavier than that so I popped it right in there.  Go me!  Woot!

The sexxxy idea of wrapping electrical cords around pipes and popping in the "do not unplug under any circumstances" plug above the utility sink?  Mine.

Mmm.  More cords near pipes.  This one is from the washer.

I think running the cord to the outside of the house through the dryer vent is a brilliant idea on my part.  People only worry about fire hazards if they are total ninnies.

Ahh.  I'll bet you're wondering why I included a picture of the back yard.

It's because my awesomeness doesn't end in the house!  We'll have to bury this cord later, but meanwhile?  Why mark it so that meter readers don't trip?  I'm thinking that's about half the fun of it all.  Also fun is the idea of scheduling the burial date three weeks from now.  Conclusion?  AT&T U-verse installation rocks!

Yes!

It's a pie crust cutter.  I like the idea of sprinkling sugar through the holes as well.  Other designs included little apples and squares.  Elf is displaying the very first pie he made with his cutter and new cake pan.  Cherry.

What IS It?

Answer coming up tomorrow!  Meanwhile, here are some hints:  it belongs to Elf, and he specially wanted to get this at the homeschool convention.  It costs $4.50 and is made of heavy plastic.  It can be purchased in other designs, but I think Elf picked this one out because it's green.  Green is the colour all the little woodland elves love so much.  So of course it is his favourite colour.   

Speaking of little woodland elves, Elf took this picture of himself recently.  I guess he doesn't have the "flaunt it in the mirror and post this to facebook" social skill down yet.  Also, he forgot to look sultry and/or snarl.  He is almost 12; when is he going to learn these things?  :/  Ok, seriously, I thought this picture was cute and captured the sort of friendly person he is.

For Elf.

Elf is pretty excited about this letter addressed *just to him.*  (I covered his address and name on the letter so that all-ya'll stalkers wouldn't show up at his door.)  Apparently he will save a bundle if he bundles his car and home insurance with Nationwide Insurance.  It's a special offer because he's United States Chess Federation (USCF) member.  I don't know how chess and insurance go together, but "when things work together, they just work better."

Wow!  Elf will have to consider this offer.

Doggone it, though, if at the age of 11 he does NOT own a car or house.  I hear it's a buyer's market, but real estate isn't quite into the 55-cents to a dollar price range just yet.  He was too enthused about this business opportunity to just recycle this important notice.  Elf made sure that his father was aware of all the particulars of switching to Nationwide Insurance.  Dad could save up to 20%, did you know that?  Dad?  Dad?  Do you need to use this paper?

After a Little Help.

"Oh, no, you just want my picture on the blog and that will embarrass me!"  But he conceded that the embarrassment is worth about $1.50 and so here you go. Emperor says he wants YOU to send money to him right now as well.

Bad Parents' Reading List.

Under the department of, "What were they thinking when they wrote this, and why didn't these characters lose their children or get arrested?" I'd like to chat about some odd stories. Feel free to add your own analysis or additional titles in the comments.

1. Green Eggs and Ham. Is it just me, or is Sam-I-Am harassing this poor unnamed chap? And does the dude get Stockholm Syndrome at the end or what? Although he was quite sure at the beginning of the book that he wouldn't like green eggs and ham in any location you could name, he suddenly LOVES them and thanks his stalker dude for going to all this trouble. It is out of control. Stockholm, I'm telling you. The Sam-I-Am guy runs over people with cars and presents mice and goats to him as suitable tablemates. Fer real.

2. The Clifford series. They let their grossly oversized dog roam all over the neighbourhood, causing havoc. Why is the dog-catcher or the National Guard not doing something about this dangerous animal? Just its poop alone is enough to cause a neighbourhood nuisance, nevermind what would happen if the animal got overzealous and rolled over onto someone. This is not a normal family, folks. This is some sick animal husbandry sponsored by Monsanto or something. I dunno.

3. No list would be complete without the Cat in the Hat series. WHY is Mother out and what is up with the strange guy in the outlandish hat? Every time I read this, I keep thinking the Mother should NOT be leaving her children alone and where is CPS at a time like this?

I suppose from a Freudian perspective, Mother is the absentee parent who only vaguely figures into the story (as in, "What would Mother say?"). It is also notable that the father's conspicuously absent, although he has $10 shoes just lying around in the closet. $10 was a lot of money back in the days this was written, but somehow? They couldn't afford a babysitter.

The fish. The fish is the superego, right??

Apparently, though - thanks, google - there are a whole series of lessons on how The Cat in the Hat incorporates the themes of id, ego and superego. Really. I got something like 10 pages of search results. Maybe the fish really is the superego.)

4. There are probably about 50 others. The plotline of We're Going on a Bear Hunt book Rose brought home from the children's library at the preschool demonstrates extremely poor parental judgment throughout. Just imagine taking an infant and a toddler on a bear hunt with no rifle, and traipsing through the river, the mud and the snow without appropriate protective gear. The incompetence is astounding.

But anyway, there are probably a good 50 more books out there with wackadoodle parenting. I don't get why many of the truly funny and cute books for little children seem to be so... emm - twisted? - when you think about them. I'm sure there is some psychoanalytic website that covers the "howcome," but I guess I didn't type in the right search words.

The Style. The Look.

Patrick loves these pants. Actually he has about six pairs of pants. They are all the same size, same brand, same colour. Seriously. His dad is the same way, but ol' Dad needs to buy new pants for work (same brand, same colour) when his old ones show signs of extreme wear. I got tired of Patrick putting mailing tape all over his pants at school and having people feel sorry for him. He must have come up with some odd story to tell his teachers that they would have sympathy for him and give him an entire roll of mailing tape AND a bit of masking tape so that he could make a smiley face on top of his knee.
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I SWEAR I asked him if he would like some new pants and shirts before the beginning of the school year. He said no, reasoning (correctly!) that I would take the old and ratty ones and throw them in the trash. Well. He didn't quite phrase it that way, but still. As you can see, I at least don't want him walking about with gaping holes over the winter and patched these up as best I could. Who thinks Patrick should ask his mom for three new pairs of pants? I mean, Mom orders these things on the internet, just type in the same size as always and *zing* order complete. Would YOU go to school like this to save your mom $25?

Kitty Klink

(Apparently popping a hand mirror over Hello Kitty's eye turns her into Colonel Klink.) You have to admit, our Hello Kitty is a pretty snazzy dresser. We bought this magnet set at the bookstore and popped it on the fridge. The younger children love dressing Hello Kitty after their meals. We also have a LeapFrog "farm" on the fridge. Woodjie's latest thing to do is to match silly pairs of things together (for example, a pig front end and horse back end) and then listen to the "silly" song that comes on. Or, he'll make a match and say, "Wook! I diy-yit! Dance a mee!" :)

Do You Back-to-School Shop?

I do... for my children who attend public school. Actually I'm trying to spend some money on Patrick and his horribly scarecrow-raggedy wardrobe, but he doesn't like change. And no, I am not allowed to "trade" his old shirts for new ones that are nicer. He has several nice shirts at the bottom of his shirt drawer that he never wears anyway, so maybe I shouldn't bother.

But still... I do spend on some things for everyone in the family that I would have had to break down and buy eventually anyway. New underwear and socks are just about a given (unless you are stubborn like Patrick) and so is one new pair of shoes. Might as well when stores lower prices to lure you in so that you will buy the Hannah Jessica Madonna Montana whatever extreme-decorated $7 notebooks and pencil cases.

One thing I do appreciate about the local mega-stores is that they helpfully provide supply lists for each school for the younger children. Though I must say I've gotten away from filling the "required" lists exactly and instead of buying the 240-page notebook for $6.50, I'll buy four 70-pagers for a dime each and tell the kid in question that if the teacher has a problem with it, he can deal with me. Usually it turns out that the teacher just wanted so and so much paper and gets tired of kids running out mid-year. Well. Lose the notebook on the third day of school and then where are we? Out a whole whopping dime and a few notes, that's where. Smart me.

Emperor is more than all settled for his school year. He has several snazzy "Happy Elf Home School" chess shirts that we bought from a local sports store. That's right. Just pay a small set-up fee and you can embroider almost anything you want on shirts from then on. When winter comes, I can order some "Happy Elf Home School" sweatshirts if I like. *zing* Now we have a school uniform. Emperor picked a dark purple similar to the Kearney Bulldogs sports team.

I've also bought little notebooks and workbooks here and there in addition to our regular curriculum. I think if I were to take a little time out each day to do some of these activities, it could stretch out for yearrrs. Sticker books. Crayola crafty stuff. Grow your own crystals. Needlepoint a puppy. And cooking... cooking, of course.

What I really need to do is make a LIST of all the stuff I want to get done this year! Have you ever found a book or school item you had put away and forgotten? Or started and figured out your child wasn't ready to do? I'd love to see your plans for the year and hear more about them no matter where your child is educated. :)

Product Review: Tajin!

I'm talking about Tajin (pronounced tah-heen) today because I think some of YOU might be interested in this product. I wasn't compensated for this review.

Tajin is a spice made with lime and chili peppers and tastes just a little salty. You can sprinkle it on fruit such as bananas or apples, and it really does give it a unique and new taste combination. At about $2 a bottle, you might just consider trying it and seeing if it's something you want to keep in your pantry regularly.

Rose's speech therapist J got us some bottles from her Wal-Mart across town. It's not available in our local store. I really MISSED the Tajin seasoning once our second bottle was gone... but I just wasn't able to make a trip across town for fruit seasoning. Enter La Tienda Chiquita near the Liberty Square. Like 'em on facebook and hear more about their specials if you're interested. For those of you not local to the KC area, I'd suggest looking in Wal-Mart first and then trying amazon.com or a local store that carries a large selection of Mexican foods.

I first learnt about Tajin from J. Rose had many difficulties in eating certain kinds of foods and still does show a strong *preference* for cereal and bread and cheese balls only, I think mostly because she had a weakness on one side of her mouth. Every couple of weeks, we would introduce a new food or taste and give her lots of encouragement. The food would be in tiny amounts on her plate about once a day. Rose had a bit of trouble eating mushy foods like bananas. J thought that we should try Tajin to "define" the fruit in her mouth. Bananas can be very mild and this gives it a little kick and texture.

Rose likes Tajin, but I will not pretend that it solved all her feeding difficulties. For us it has worked out using a bit of Tajin can help her take more than one bite of something, however.

*picture credit: wikipedia's Tajin (seasoning) page

Please. Just Charge Me More!

It seems that companies are whittling down their package contents little by little, but leaving the boxes and packaging almost identical. I understand prices are going up. I don't like paying more for the same stuff, but looks like I have no choice about doing it. What isn't right is decreasing the number of ounces in a jar, but allowing the jar to look the same on the outside. The jars are frequently hollowed out weird on inside, making it harder for me to get the measly portions inside. Come on, people. Jelly is the worst in this regard.

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I can't say that it's exactly dishonest in the legal sense as it IS clearly labelled; there are only 129 diapers in the more recently-purchased box as opposed to 144. But still. Just charge more and be done with it. I don't want to be running to the store constantly to pick up a 2-pack of diapers in a mega box...

YES, I Bought More Stuff

I had to buy enough knobs for the rest of my kitchen cabinets anyway, sooo... Emperor will get an apple baker and Elf will get a little mug (elf-sized!) with stars on it. And I bought a tile in "Amazon Flower" pattern to keep my pop or coffee on by the computer. And I bought three new "flowering peacock" mugs; see them in the cabinet picture? I finally said when I put everything away that I think I'm really done ordering all the pottery I "need." I think I'm done!

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Emperor gasped when he heard that. There are several other styles that we don't have, did you know that?? Yes. He has the catalogue to prove it. D seems to think it is all very silly anyway; he won't touch the pottery. And besides, none of it matches. (I think it matches in an eclectic sort of fun way, but ohh well.)

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I served dinner with the old plates as I had gotten them out of the dishwasher, and why put things away only to take them out again?

Elf was very sad. He wanted to know if he had been a bad boy since he didn't get served on the POLISH POTTERY. Arg.

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Here you see Elf eating some pizza with the pottery during a snack time. Emperor came bounding in and wanted a snack, too. Well... I'm loading the dishwasher in just a second, so you can have your chips in this paper bowl -

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"WHAT??!" His eyes about popped out of his head. "You mean I have to use ORDINARY DISHWARE?"

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Um... do YOU know other little boys who like to discuss Polish pottery patterns? Outside Poland, I mean. Or maybe I am really, really behind the times and other people's kids do this sort of thing and I just don't know about it. You know... baggy pants and dish patterns being the "in" thing with the hep-cat set. Or maybe the groovy kids like Fiesta ware better. :)

Being Vigilant

Ok, parents. You know by now that you must officially freak out over cough syrup. Don't worry, though... the government will restrict how much cough syrup you can buy. That will make you and your kids safe. Next up: bath salts.

I know. Every time I get a new batch of bath salts, I think, "I can't wait to get into the tub and snort these." Really. WHO on earth thinks of this stuff? Selling bath salts in little druggy zipper packets. I'd say, "Now I've seen everything," but I have a feeling I haven't. Missouri legislators, the article tells us, are seeking a general ban on these "artificial stimulants."

I don't get it. If they're marketed as bath salts, wouldn't you think the government should be restricted to seeing if, say, they caused horrible rashes if you used them in the tub? I have several children with eczema, and they need to use baby and kids' shampoo. YES, I have a kid who is ten who smells like a ten-month-old. Better than smelling like stinky foot.

But really. We need to legislate against bath salts? Apparently it's so bad that in Louisiana, over half the psychiatric patients of a given hospital were admitted after taking these salts, so it must be some serious stuff. I don't know that we can legislate against every stupid thing people are determined to do, but I SURE don't want more people dying, either. Here's hoping for wisdom and awareness on this problem.

I'll even be ok if you tell me it's an elaborate joke; I just hate hearing about people dying and getting sick over stupid stuff like this.

In other news, I checked my inbox for more questions from my readers. Someone emailed me with information on miracle cures for autism. Doggone nice of them; I can't wait to spend my life savings on dolphins (?).