Driving Drunk Should be Legal!

About two-thirds of all accidents are caused by sober drivers!  So we need to focus on sober drivers instead of people who drive drunk.  Also?  "The campaign against so-called 'drunk drivers' is another feminist hate men program."

Yessss... there was really a serious news article about allowing drunks on the road legally in County Kerry, Ireland.  And I gleaned all that rockin' wisdom from the comments section.  But the local council reasons that allowing a few drunks on the road is a net social benefit because then these boozers wouldn't have to drink alone.  It will decrease depression!  Those poor rural men.  There is no way, I suppose, that an Irish man can socialize unless he's good and drunk.

I didn't say it!  But the article certainly implies that boozing it up is the only thing to do.  Have they not discovered basketball or golf in Ireland yet?  Pool?  Cards?  The Super Bowl?  I mean, really... there must be something else to do in County Kerry.  The Council thinks it's ok because nobody's been killed yet?

Thankfully the reaction from officials at a more national level has been more along the lines of, what the hell are you thinking.

New TV Series!

TLC premieres "Nursing Home High," a reality show about high schoolers living in a nursing home.

Here's how it works.  Three seniors are ushered into a nursing home their last semester.  If they make it through without leaving the building and pass all their classes via skype, they will receive a $45,000 college scholarship.  But during non-school/homework hours, their electronics, phones, everything is taken away because old people usually don't know how to work these and/or they are too expensive.  There will be no way they can text their friends or have social contact with them during that semester, either, or they forfeit the prize.

They are also not allowed to talk to any family member older than they are during the show because in real life no 90-year-old can still phone her mom.  The TV staff will select one friend or younger sibling they can communicate with, but what the contestants don't know?  Is that the friend or sibling will have to pretend to have dementia, speak slowly, and ramble on about, "Oh do you remember that time where we went to the park, and we were at the park?  Times were different then..."

It's gonna be great!  I can't wait to see the epic tantrums these "kids" throw when staff speak slowly and condescendingly to them AND TALK ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS.  They're gonna go absolutely crazy for the cameras.  Especially when they finally resign themselves to a boring six months of reading in bed, only to find out that the only books they're allowed have three-point type so that the dwindling vision of older people is simulated.  They will find themselves greedily grabbing that large-print Reader's Digest and even laughing at the goofy comics.

Ok, all of the above is totally fake.  But I was just thinking for a second there (I forget why, because I'm old maybe) about how I'd rather be dead than stuck in a nursing home.  Seriously.  I can think of no other fate quite so legally cruel.  Unfortunately, life being what it is, we don't get to decide.

But (and why am I thinking this even, maybe because I'm old now) it would seriously be great if there could be secret shoppers in nursing homes.  You know.  Like the big companies hire to see if their employees are doing a good job, except these people would stay for a couple of weeks and hear what happens there at night.  And do things like check, are there enough staff to get all these sleeping oldsters out safely if there is a real fire??  Are there bedbugs?  What is the food like?  And can people contact friends in the outside world?  And is there cable TV?

I am seriously hooked on this Hoarders thing.  I'm probably going to have to watch every episode to get it out of my system.  Then I hear there is some new "Amish Mafia" series.  Really?  Like who wants to watch that?

But then I thought the same thing about "Who wants to watch people who live in piles of trash?" that is the premise of this series.

A Picture Post!

This was Patrick's "ghetto racket."  He bought it (in better condition) at a thrift store for $3 and was too cheap to spend his money on a new one.  His team-mates kinda made fun of him for it.  I finally bought him a new one, but everyone remembers Patrick as the "ghetto racket" guy.

Elf got a magazine from Hy-Vee grocery store in the mail and tried their strawberry-banana recipe.  He added a bit of topping as well.

"Aaaaaaammmm!"  Too bad the pic does not have sound effects.  It's part of the whole dessert experience.  Elf demanded I take this photograph and share it with you.

Woodjie's first day of kindergarten/summer school was Monday!  Woodjie is now a SHARK because that's the mascot of this elementary school  He is in their "integrate the disabled kids and hopefully not spend any money on them next year" program.  Ok, it has a nicer name than that.   But hopefully he does well!  I have no idea... there are no notes home in elementary.  I suppose I will call his teacher in a couple weeks and say "hi!" after the class is well-established.

Miss Rose is Vogue-ing a shirt I lengthened with a bit of fabric.  The pic doesn't do it justice; the shirt flares everywhere as she walks about and is really quite cute.

I hemmed in/made narrower a medium T-shirt I bought at the thrift store for a dollar.  I'm thinking to make the shirt more "dress" like that I will need a ruffle or something at the bottom.  Or.  With a little less smiling and the right footwear she can just be Emo.

Obnoxious.

I sure wouldn't appreciate if YOU took my picture while I was sleeping and posted it on the internet.  Somehow, though, the cuteness factor makes it all morally OK.  Miss Rose no longer falls asleep on the couch downstairs with Woodjie and has Dad carry her up around 11:30 pm.  Mom insisted:  new room, new routine.  (Bad enough Woodjie has such horrific troubles with bedtime; we had gotten into the habit of letting Rose do what Woodjie does.)  But now, we brush her teeth, read a book, and then Rose is free to read books in her own bed and turn out the light herself when she is ready.  :)

Y2K Disaster!

January 1, 2000 will surely bring an apocolypse like you've never seen!  The end of the world will be complete with a clonky computer, big circular floppy disk, a chunky square disk (high-tech!) and floating zeroes and ones.  It's a shakeable mayhem, folks!  Happy New Year!  I sure hope I didn't scare you too much! Feel free to hide your cash money at my house in case the ATMs don't work on the big day.  :)

BABY Robins!

There are at least three in the nest, but this one in front is the pushiest. I don't know how this little thing could STAND for a second and get a raw worm from its mom. It has eyes shut, I think, and is fluffy. Aside from the beak, it doesn't really look like a robin at all.

Be a Model. Or Just Spell Like One.

Most of us usually overlook small spelling errors in casual correspondence, blogs and the like. But I wouldn't be surprised if the "model as blonde ditz" stereotype just got reinforced in the minds of the thousand or so people who saw the sign. Someone added an "H" later in the day; if you look closely, you can see it.
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This picture was taken yesterday at the Expo Center. There were a good number of events all going on in the same building.
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Oddly enough, though there were a LARGE number of people milling in and out throughout the day, there weren't that many orders at the cafeteria. The "cafe" was our "Skittles Room," the room where players wait for the next game and/or parents and family members hang out. Sort of like a Green Room in TV-Land. Emperor decided to spend his two dollars on a small orange juice. Too bad it had an expiry date of about a week ago. Makes you wonder what they were serving in the actual edibles, but I suppose we should all take comfort in knowing pretty much everything was deep-fried, and that is sanitary because deep-frying kills germs and stuff.
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I had disobeyed the "no outside food" rule when I came this time because um, I had eaten at the cafeteria once before. ONCE. Remembering that hot dog still brings on the heaves, but the pop was OK. I think.
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Just about everyone snuck their lunches in. Huge Thermoses, baskets of sandwiches, granola bars, popcorn... many things were passed around openly. The manager lost his cool when one family brought in HUGE armloads full of McDonalds' things to pass around to their group. I distinctly saw everyone sort of shuffle their books around to hide their Lunchables, or move their baggies into their laps under the table after that happened.

The Puritan Baby Book

You might consider naming YOUR children one of these baby names that are a part of my family's heritage. Somebody needs to compile a BIG book of Puritan baby names, before gems like these are lost forever:

Thankful Snow. You'd think this would be an uncommon enough name that a simple google search for "Thankful Snow" would reveal nothing. You would be so, so wrong. Several results, presumably for different Thankful Snows, popped up. Mine was born in Massachusetts a very, very, verrrry long time ago.

Mehitable. It's a girl's name. There was more than one... they were actually able to find suitors and get married, too.

Lemon and Orange. These are BOYS' names. You know... like "Roelof" and "Evert." We actually have several Oranges in our family tree. One of the Oranges, of course, named his son Lemon. I guess he was tired of being called "Orange" after his own father and wanted to give his son something more citrus-y and different. :)

Keziah. Girl's name.

Jerusha. Also a girl's name.

And finally... what were "Silence Hurd"'s parents thinking? Silence. Heard. Were they humourous little Puritans, or was it just one of those funny mistakes people made??

PS. Emperor's name is boring by comparison. More than once I've been asked why I saddled the boy with such a name, or how could he ever learn to spell it, and things like that.

Making Weighted Blankets!

Sleeeeeepy...

Good night, Elf.

 The blankets were sewn by Project Linus volunteers and donated to Autism Works (an autism support group) for our autistic children.  Elf came to the meeting, helped me pick out the blankets he wanted to help stuff, and we got to work.  Do you want to see how to make weighted blankets?  They're basically two cloths sewn together in stripes and stuffed with sheets.  There are about 14 sections, seven on each side.  You could make yours longer or shorter if you wished.  During our session, we rolled up sheets (also donated, but by a different organization) and stuffed them into the velcro sections to complete the project.  This way, when the blanket is soiled, it's WASHABLE.  So many other weighted items are not.  The blankets have a good heft to them and it really is difficult to carry more than one about.  Many thanks to Autism Works and the work they do for children, and to Project Linus!

Sexy Senior Photo Shoot!

It seems to me that the senior pics feature mostly girls in outfits that are too form-fitting or in positions that are... suggestive. THIS ad, addressed to Patrick from the foo-foo old-fashioned place on the town square that is trying to revamp its image, I intercepted and threw into the trash. Can you picture trying to explain the "Grandma just went through an oral phase" thing to the grandkids later when they look at the old yearbooks? Have a little shame, ladies!

Death Metal Rooster

I know most everyone's on vacation, so I thought I'd provide some farm-y entertainment for the rest of us who are too poor to leave home for anywhere interesting. I'm pretty sure there's a way you could download this from YouTube onto your MP3 player or Nanoprobe (tm) attachment so that you can listen to it during those times when you need a little relaxing musical refreshment.

Summertime with G and Q

G and his friend Q have been hanging out this summer. Q, as you remember, is a rather interesting sort. Let's just say I finally figured out that much of his problem is that he doesn't take social cues very well. I look back over his past behaviour and I don't think it's a parent thing at all... it's a Q thing.

Yeah, here I am with all these different kids, and I just now realized that.

Ok, I didn't. Actually, *G* had to clue me in to the fact that Mom, he just doesn't understand a "hint." You have to tell him. And that's true. Once you just flat out TELL him, he's ok... no beating around the bush or trying to be "polite." No trying to drop the subtle hints. It's rude to just TELL someone they need to go home. But that's what I have to do so that I don't wind up getting mad at him and he doesn't wonder why he isn't invited over. Q is still a friendly lad despite this blunt approach. In fact, I think he appreciates it.

I can't say that G could ever ask for a better friend, but both Q and G would do well to take a social skills class or three. Q calls six times in five minutes. He shows up at the door. He comes by after G has hung out at his house because (I guess...) G can't make the two blocks alone. Then Q wants to hang out, both of them all sweaty and smelly, in my house.

Arg.

Not to be mean, but I told G to be home at 4 so he could get a shower and dinner would be ready by 5. I don't begrudge the kid a drink of water when he comes by... but... I kept saying that I was making dinner now. (I thought that was direct enough; guess not). I FINALLY had to get sorta rude with Q and say (in a friendly tone), "Well, it's time for me to kick you out, buddy!" And he was ok with that. "Ok, see you later, Mrs. C! Call you later, G!"

And soon I'm going to have to say, "Q. You are just calling too much. Two calls per hour, barring emergency, okayyyy?"

They are best friends. And my, does Q love to talk. A lot. He also has several funny stories about the newest craze.

Hopefully you humour me after my little post yesterday... but the latest craze is for young ladies to lift their shirts and show their boobage to young men. Really fast, lift the shirt, put it down again. You wouldn't notice if you weren't looking.

I don't get it, Q. What would the inner motivation be here? Do they expect the young men to suddenly ask the fair damsel's hand in marriage, or what?? Is this a request for a date? Are you boyfriend/girfriend officially after that happens? Don't get it.

Q turned about as red as his hair. (Well... I don't think that's it, exactly... he told me. But he went no further.) And from his chatter I gleaned that this has happened on several occasions to G. When interrogated, G neglected to mention it because why should I know this? I would just get upset. And a girl flashed him during YEARBOOK signing time at school? You didn't tell a teacher about this right away? (I got an eyeroll from that... he's pretty cool under questioning.)

Whyyy did this happen to my little kid? Was this her way of wishing him a good summer? Ok, I still don't get it, and the more I declare this, the funnier the guys seem to think my puzzlement to be.

So I asked D about it and he said no, no one is going about boobflashing him. "What? No, I'm an old guy. Why would they do that to me?"

Mental note: must be young, eligible male. Hmm... So I called Patrick up to ask him and he replied, "WHAT? I missed it?"

I'm sure he doesn't mean that. Please say he didn't mean that.

Snippety-Doo-Dah...

After viewing this, you'll want to display this handy-dandy "Golden Snip Award" proudly on your blog sidebar. Too bad I'm not allowed to, though, and am only showing this to you FOR DEMONSTRATION PURPOSES ONLY. In reality, it's "reserved" for those people who are truly responsible and surgically alter their bodies so that they never have children! See, humans keep cluttering up the earth with their offspring, and the earth would be a lot better without any of us around. How dare we think our species has any right to exist! That's specie-ist, you know.


Bummer for me that I would only be allowed to download and share a "Silver Snip" award on my sidebar if I were to take permanent medical measures against pregnancy. Let's see... I could go through painful surgery and become a second-class, soon-to-be extinct citizen! I could also get the official child-free tattoo! Several awesome ones are featured right here (scroll down). They look so space-agey, and they almost make me want to put the logo on a flag, stake it down somewhere, and declare in my best cartoon voice, "I claim THIS planet in the name of the Earth!" Yes, the Martian is one of my very favourite cartoon characters...


I just wish I had what it takes to be in their special club. I wish I could have that oh-so-knowledgeable air about myself that the Vehement-Human-Hater club seems to have. I just keep getting tripped up on the fact that these people have egos and laughing about it (which shows *I* have an ego, which is not funny). Watch a few seconds of one of the "educational" videos at the Voluntary Human Extinction website and see what I mean...


Though in seriousness, I have to agree with the idea that it's better to surgically prevent conception than it is to get an abortion after the fact... that's true... but this whole website is very overly simplistic with its "people = bad" sort of mentality. It doesn't take into any serious consideration why certain people might want to have children. Any thoughts that don't agree precisely with theirs are passed off as selfish and ill-educated. I do have to respect people who try to follow their convictions in this, but... I'm not understanding why (using this thought process and taking it to its logical end) it would not just be more efficient to develop a human-killing microbe and release it in downtown Tokyo or London rather than handing out goofy bumper stickers and "snip" awards.


I just don't get how these people reallllly think the whole human race is going to VOLUNTARILY go extinct. Are they serious?

YoVille Math.

Elf and Emperor helped me figure out what the best use of my "working" time on YoVille would entail. We got the list of the things my character can "bake" in the Sweets Factory and figured out the profit per hour of baking time. To complicate matters, the boys had to remember to add in the mandatory $10 oven cleaning fee between each batch. It was eye-opening for me. I had no clue that the longer recipes (three days for a "yellow cake") average out to something like 50 cents an hour of oven time. The chocolate chip cookies and coffee cake average out to $2 an hour. The problem being, you MUST check those cookies at exactly four or six hours, or they will "burn" and not be very profitable. We talked a little bit about how a good businessman would figure out a good estimate of the number of hours he thinks a job will take (multiplied by labour cost per hour), pad that number just a little bit just in case and add it to the cost of the materials. I don't think I'm going to rush into doing the "oven" thing every four hours, but it's good to know anyway that while it's *convenient* for you to leave the yellow cake in the oven for three days while you go have a life, it isn't economically advisable for your avatar. And my avatar needs a new couch. :P

The South Shall Rise Again!

Well, silly me was trolling around the internet looking to find cute Confederate and Union caps for the boys so that they could have a marshmallow battle on Saturday. Elf will be the South, because the South has the best generals (he dislikes McClellan). He'll win the first battle, tie in the second, and he says that by the third, he will get hungry and have to surrender... LOL. Well, I guess he's been listening.

But look what I found while looking about! The Confederate States of America has its own website, and YOU could apply for citizenship! See, Lee surrendered... not the CSA Government! Southerners are just in occupied territory. All kinds of grand ideas about how the CSA will generously allow Northern business interests to continue to operate in the South after the government takes its rightful place are outlined.

Our Book!

Isn't it awesome? Our First Steps speech therapist made it for us to use with Woodjie. She took a book we had been using for some time, cut it up, bound it with a backboard for PECS, and made some sweet little velcro things to go with the story. This was starting to fall apart at the binding, so it was a perfect way to save the book and give it new usefulness. Thanks to Bronwyn for the idea! She has plenty of others, and if you have an autistic child (or two, or three...) you might want to pop over and check in.

How to Do Workboxes.

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Woodjie's play therapist helped us get started with workboxes. You might enjoy doing them as well with your autistic child or preschooler.

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First, get a couple of old ice cream containers with lids. You'll also get some sticky-back velcro and cut little signs for "work," break time, and "finished." You can make your own sign or download one from the internet. Mine are laminated, but yours don't have to be as fancy. Oak tag and velcro will do.

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I've loaded each of my boxes with an activity. Puzzles or potato-heads are good examples of what to put inside. You want to find an activity that has a definite beginning and ending. A toy Noah's ark or baby and bottle set, for example, wouldn't quite fit the bill. You want something that the child will understand that he has completed. Sometimes I'll even get the large puzzles with knobs and pictures underneath, and just put the pieces in the bucket.

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We started slowly with making these activities part of Woodjie's routine. The idea is to acclimate Woodjie to a schedule of some kind, and give him a sense of order and "what comes next." We started with one bucket once a day. We're now up to two buckets twice a day. Some day, we are hoping that he will understand a picture schedule and understand things like, TV time comes after lunch. Then we will play and read a book. Next comes dinner. Etc.

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I come into his play area with my strip and the buckets and sing a song to the tune of the "Muffin Man:"

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Ohhhhhh

Do you know what time it is?

What time it is?

What time it is?

Do you know what time it is?

It's time to

WORK.

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He's very excited about this and usually does a little dance and a good hand flap before pulling the "work" icon off and handing it to me. What's next on the schedule? He knows he's to pull the blue dot and "match" it with the blue bucket. We help him affix the velcro ends together and walk him to a plastic picnic table to do his activity.

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One of his activities is to read a book. He used to be very resistant to reading books and would bang his head and throw fits whenever they were presented. Now we can get through several pages, although he will try to squirm and get away after that. What we're trying to do is get him to the very limit without quite going over... and then hope that that limit gets longer and longer as time goes on. So far, with a few regressions here and there, it has really been helpful. Now occasionally he will point to a picture. (This is rare, however.)

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Between boxes is "break time." He's guided to "check the schedule" after completing his first box. He hands me the "break time" icon and I set the timer for three minutes. When the timer goes off, he excitedly turns it off when it's presented to him.

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THIS SOUNDS LIKE HARD WORK, and it is to get started and make a part of your schedule. Then again, here's a child who has never said Mama or Dada, and he is able to do these things with some assistance. It would be wonderful if he were to speak more, but if that isn't possible, I'd at least like a child who understands there is some order in the world and is able to use picture icons. So, we're working on this diligently.

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Usually the second bucket is harder for him to do than the first. I put the easier of the two activities (his puzzle) second on the list because I anticipate this. Just as it's harder for the average worker to continue to put in his best on the job right before quitting time, Woodie has a bit of a hard time toward the end there. Sometimes I'll get a picture of Bob and Larry as a reward and he can trade this for Cheerios. The main thing is to get him to understand that the schedule is his friend, that it makes some sense, and that he can accomplish tasks and receive praise.

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Feel free to ask questions in the comments! I'm excited to share this system with you.

Homeschool Field Trip

Well, OK. It was just a trip to PetSmart and I'm counting it as a "science" hour. We're looking at the animals and noticing the beak and claw types on the birds as outlined in our Lifepac workbook. Birds with long pointy beaks usually use them to dig grubs or insects. Short beaks that aren't sharp usually indicate seed or berry eaters. You can also tell where the bird spends lots of time by the type of foot it has. Webbed feet, of course, mean a water bird, but did you know that three forward-facing toes and one backward usually means it lives in a tree? That backward toe helps it hang onto branches. We saw fish of many kinds and spent the obligatory big bucks after ooh-ing and aah-ing over all the animals. Now at PetSmart: Halloween costumes and porcelain dishes for your animals. Yep. We got a pet toy we didn't need and a couple of birthday cards. Thankfully the boys did not ask for any new animals as they sell about everything you could think of there. While we were browsing, a man came in for his daily purchase of CRICKETS for his toads. Can you imagine doing that every day? I can't imagine you can board your toads at the local vet's when you go on vacation. In any event, expect a short blog post from the little boys soon on their excursion. They have taken several photographs, and I'm sure they'll pick the best to share.

Discrimination.

Emperor is a tender-hearted sort of person and wants everyone to be treated fairly. He was pretty upset about the bathroom door signs depicting "men" and "women." I asked him why expecting the usual sort of "why does the girl HAVE to wear the dress" sort of inquiry.

Instead I got, "Why does this store only give the woman ONE LEG but the man gets TWO? That isn't right! She should get two legs, too."

Yes, the world is indeed an unfair place. The girl, kiddo, has to stand with her feet together because she's wearing a skirt. You wouldn't understand.

This is Real and Not For Play

**************** *** ** *** Are you goin' vote Obama way? I saw this video and I'm not sure if this is REALLY a supporting-Obama-type video. I mean, ALMOST every bad stereotype you could ever think of is in this video. Please, guys, Obama is not "hood." He's not my fave, but I also can recognize that he's extremely intelligent and can speak in full sentences. Good grief.